Is it possible to be depressed because you spend so much time and money trying to fix other people's problems?

Question

I try to help most of my friends with their issues, but don't have very much time to fix issues of my own. GAAAAAAAAHH!!

Answer 1

yes

Answer 2

Yes, there is definitely something to this. When you say you try to help your friends with their issues, are you saying that you have friends that perhaps focus on their issues? There is something to be said about the saying, "misery loves company". Certainly not intentional, people who are unhappy have the need to share it with others, and sometimes even make it their undying focus. Also, when you say you don't have much time to fix your own issues, it makes it sound like the people you are trying to help ("friends") are "utilizing" your counseling so much that it is exhausting you. Do you feel drained when you hang out with your friends that have "issues"? I know that these people are totally human, and there is something very attractive about that. Also, they "need" you, and there is something very comforting about that. However, there is a point when your friends are really just using you as their doormat. Try this: let your "friends" know about a problem that you are facing. Do they try to help, or just turn it around and focus on themselves (and "their problems")? Real friends will "give" as well as receive; they will listen as well as talk. Try making some new friends, even if you want to keep the old, troubled friends. Also, create some space between yourself and your troubled friends. You can just say that you are busy, that you have a big paper or a school project, and keep doing that. See if it makes you feel better.

Also, spend some time with yourself if you are feeling down. I personally like to write, draw, listen to music, or take on other creative outlets. You can do your best art or poetry or whatever when you are feeling the lowest.

I must say that I have never had friends like this, but have dated people like this. Only much later did I realize that I was tired, exhausted, and actually feeling sad when I spent time with them. There are going to be sad people and unfortunate circumstances at every turn in life. However, some make the most of it while others tend to really focus on their unfortunate circumstances.....causing them to never allow themselves to move past their problems. These folks will continue to wallow in their own negativity sometimes straight into adulthood. You don't have to go on that journey with them. It's your choice, although understandably a tough one.

Answer 3

Yes, there's even a name for it, "Co-dependency". It means you are focused so much on others you don't take care of your own issues - you may not even recognize what they are because of your focus on others.

Too much helping can be a sick as not helping anyone, ever.
There are some good books and groups that can help you.

Codependent No More By Melody Beatty

Celebrate Recover 12 step program that can help with codependency.

I found great help in Celebrate Recovery. Now I know better when to help and when to just mind my own life and business.

Find some help for yourself, It can be a real problem to always focus on others!

Answer 4

yes it is... sometimes you start to take on the problems of the world that way... it might do you some good to stop doing it for a while, just to balance yourself out ... take a short trip if possible, or just turn the phone off ... take up a hobby or join a group that interests you or a gym.. a book club, or something like that... it is nice to help others, but not at the expense of our own sanity... exercise also really helps to clear the mind and reduce stress in your life ... go running, or biking, walking, etc...

after you start feeling better, it is ok to once again to start helping out again... but at a much slower pace, and you do not need to invest all your money to help people. sometimes people end up using you, because they know you are there and always willing.... it really is ok to say no once in a while... you actually do need to learn to say no once in a while ...

Answer 5

Yes, and everyone needs to spend time fixing their own problems.
Sometimes, fixing other people's problems can be therapeutic in itself. However I don't know if this is family or not, but spending money fixing other peoples problems can be dangerous. It is good to lend your support, your heart and all, but when you start giving money to it it can cause problems. People can start to take advantage, and uless you have money coming out of your ears this can cause major stress on yourself, and often end friendships.
I would suggest setting aside time to deal with your own issues before you spend your time on others unless it is a life or death situation.
Whether or not counseling could help depends on your situation, but it is often helpful to have someone to vent to and who will listen to you. Especially someone who does not know you.
Good luck and I hope you end up feeling better . :)

Answer 6

Well yes in a sense..meaning when people hang around ones that are depress they seem to feel it also.. You help your friends because your a good friend and you choose to do that.. But you also have to fix your problems too..Maybe they can help you.

Answer 7

You have to take tiime for yourself and learn to say no. I know exactly how you feel. I've been allowing a friend of mine to stay with me that is bi polar and has gone through a horrilbe divorce etc....and wow it is draining, rewarding in it's own and I'm happy to do it but she just had to go somewhere where she will received 24/7 care and it is depressing and has had me down for several days now.

Answer 8

Unfortunately you are what's known as a "Giver" and chances are your friends are "Takers".

Society is made up of these two types of people and I know exactly how you feel. I can tell you that you need to get control of this while you are young as you will always end up being screwed over because of being nice.

I've been helping people all my life and they tend to just bleed you dry if you let them.

Answer 9

Helping others should make you feel good about yourself. Its great to feel that you have helped out. If its money that they need all the time, you could start to begin to feel used. You need to take some time for yourself and money, go to the spa. Hope you start feeling better.

Answer 10

The opposite is actually true. The more we focus on ourselves and our own problems, the more depressed we get. The more we help others, the less we think of ourselves and our problems eventually disappear. Good karma my friend!!!

Answer 11

I think you can feel depressed if you sympathize too much with the other person's problems. All we can do really is give advise and then it's up to the other person to follow or not.