I started a bad habit. How do I stop it? ~ see details ~?

Question

I moved here 8 months ago. I left my best friend, someone I have called my Sister for years and years behind. I do truly love her and care about her. We are close,a but different. I am business oriented, enjoy working, and can afford the luxuries in life due to the work I have do. In the past when we shopped I have always bought for her too. I mean bought, Chanel purses, Dior Glasses, if I got it and she was with me most of the time I bought her something too. My Hubby never liked this and whined but never told me I had to stop. She has never been able to afford the finer things in life and I enjoy helping her. I even gave her a Volvo. Since I moved here she rarely calls me. I have talked to her twice on the computer via webcam. I called her this weeked. All she does is beg for things. Send me this, I saw this, I need that. Why does it bother me now? Should I talk to her about it? Why doesn't she call me? I don't know how I should feel?
HELP!!

Answer 1

WELCOME, WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF LIBERAL (POLITICAL) PHILOSOPHY !!!!
Get some one 'hooked' on receiving 'freebies for life', and when the freebies stop, in my case, I was ridiculed, derided, cursed, etc.
An occasional gift is 'usually appreciated', however, once a 'normal practice', is established and later stopped, the precipitant shows their true nature.
SADLY, YOU HAVE LEARNED !!!!

Answer 2

I noticed a few ppl ending their comment w/asking for something… no offense, guys cus the first one I read I thought was funny, but after that I realized this is no laughing matter, only because your feelings were hurt, and 'to me' that seems to be what this is all about. And "yes" it clearly seems as if she was "using you". Whether that was her intention from the beginning, I don't know... but I can relate to the kind of "friendship" you 2 have! (I'm not going to say "had" cus ending the friendship may not be the only answer, and let's hope it's not!)

In Spanish there is a saying, which a friend of mine (a true friend) once said to me that LIT UP A LIGHTBULB!
He said, "Tu tienes la culpa... los tienes 'malimpuestos'!"
Which means, "You're the one at fault... you have them ‘mal-accustomed’!"

I had a problem w/treating my friends most of the time, and didn’t see the “harm” in it. Many friends, at that! I didn’t see the harm I was doing cus we seemed good friends… never argued, had similar likes & dislikes, they defended me, etc, etc. Of course they did! I was their “supplier” so-to-speak!
Until one day when I really, really needed their help. And then another day came when I really needed their help. And then another. And they “knew”, and were “able”, but they didn’t help me… not a soul. This is when my true friend called it to my attention, and I saw it.

You know what I did? I stopped buying things. I didn’t change ANY other aspect of our friendship; I just stop paying for things. They too started to ask for things eventually on their own. I just excused myself, put my hand on their shoulder and confessed, “I just can’t right now, I’m sorry. You know if I could I would, you know me.”
You know what happened? My list of friends “sifted” itself. Some of those friends stopped expecting things from me, but still hangout w/me from time to time. Some have learned the “give & take” system on their own. And of course some have just drifted away from me.
Lesson learned.

Try this. I think it’s the safest and most honest method. Safest cus you’re not jeopardizing the friendship (remember you’re not obligated, and you should never make payment installments on any relationship!), and honest cus altho you claim to afford it monetarily, emotionally you really can’t (it’s evident and I don’t blame you). Send her simpler things, like Hallmark cards in the “true friendships” and “missing you” sections. E-mail her stressing the “real things” you miss about hanging out w/her. You never know… she may really be a friend but you just mal-accustomed her.

On another note, about this recent move… it just proves that “everything happens for a reason”.

Answer 3

you should feel used and feel happy that your not around to shower her broke *** cause a real true friend sticks with you thru thick and thin. Most importantly she should be worried about your well being and the next time shell see you again to enjoy some of the finer things i no you'll bring being that you are gone she should have wanted to do something sweet for you ...leave her where she is shes a gold digger!be happy that your successful and can have the chance to shower new real friends with you affection

Answer 4

You are a supplier for her, not so much as a friend... she only calls you when she wants something.
You started it. You got her programmed to expect it.
You need to get her into the idea of going to work to earn this stuff for herself.
It is up to you to draw the line.
Tell her that you have had a few unexpected expenses and it will take a while to recover your cash flow.
Limit giving gifts to Christmas and birthdays.

Answer 5

sadly the rest of these comments are right. You provided for this woman who could not afford for herself. Now that you are gone, she still wants but doens t have u there in the physical form to provide for her. You are such a generous person, and its nice to gice when you have to give. But its sad that you were taken advantage of. Just take it day by day and see where it goes from there. Do not buy any one of those things that she has mentioned to you that she would like.
its true, she was pimpin you.

Answer 6

I guess you loved her so much that you just weren't able to see it before. Now that your move has put some distance between the two of you it is a little more obvious. I think she is in it for what you can give her and that you can definitely find someone to be your friend who is not in it for the goods!

Answer 7

It should bother you! Before it was easy because you just associated it with hanging out. Now when she calls you see it for what it really is.... your friend mooching off of you. I'm sorry that your friend did that to you that really hurts.

Hey can I have a Coach purse?! lol j/p

Answer 8

you have every right to be annoyed now, when people get things, they appreciate them, but then they take it for granted, and then they take it as a given that they will get it
you don't even talk anymore, i mean, if she bothered to keep in touch with you and then asked for things she really really needed that would be one thing, but asking for things left right and center without even keeping in contact is just cheeky and selfish!!

talk to her, tell her that you don't mind helping her out when you can but you shouldn't be sending her anything she likes the look of, she cant rely on you all the time, that's not how the world works!

Answer 9

girl u were her pimp, buyin her chanel and dior.. sheeeiiiit girl what u thinkin??? of course now that u r gone she dont call u much cos u aint around to take her shoppin at prada and get them new shoes for fall/winter 2007.

u got played girl

Answer 10

yeah it sounds like your "friend" was looking at you as more of an ATM machine. Maybe now that you are spending time away from her you are begining to see the way things really are.

Answer 11

sounds like your "friend" has taken advantage of your generosity. you need to sit down with her and talk to her about this. you have bought her some expensive things, and she does not seem grateful in the least. you may need to cut off your friendship with her if this continues.