He was with a woman for almost 2 years a few years ago and they lived together and were pretty serious(her 2 year old boy called him daddy, ect..). He talked about her alot when we first started dating, and he still has a whole album of pictures of her. We've been married for a year and I've been wanting him to get rid of them the whole time and he still refuses and says he'll never get rid of them. Does he want to keep them because he wants to hold on to her memory because he's not totally over her? Would it be wrong of me to get rid of them? Please help!!
2007-10-22 06:15:40 · 27 answers · asked by Jennifer S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He doesn't look at them all the time or anything, I just don't like the fact that he refuses to get rid of them knowing that it really bothers me. I used to think that getting rid of them would give him closure if he needed it and would be a sign of him letting go, but maybe he's just a sentimental person and likes to hang on to things just because...
2007-10-22 06:24:00 · update #1
he should so not be keeping them and i can't believe you married him. since you did marry him though, i think you should suck it up and forget about the pictures.
2007-10-22 06:29:30 · answer #1 · answered by buk84 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The first flag for me would be that he talked about her all the time. I ended a 3 month relationship, because of this. Decent guy, but I really didn't need to hear about their wedding and how she did her hair on vacation, etc..please. Way too much and all the time, but I was aware of it, so I knew not to get attached.
I think marriage is about compromise. Especially if it makes one person upset or uncomfortable. Yes, it's reasonable he should keep some pics, but not a whole album. I think it would be more than fair to have him pick out his favorite pictures, put them in a box and then get rid of the rest. Maybe keep ones with the kid or trips. Those kind of memories. I don't think you should throw them out, but explain how you feel and then ask about "compromising" with him, since it upsets you...go threw them together. That will show good face for you and he should see it would make you happy. It's a start. Years from now, he won't even remember them probably anyway.
I personally got rid of all the pics of my ex-husband when I was ready, even wedding ones, except for two photos. I feel they were an emotional attachment in a way and I am indifferent to my ex, so it wasn't hard to do. Everyone is different though.
Best of luck Honey...don't let it upset you too much. If he isn't communicating with her, then that is the best thing!
2007-10-22 07:14:51 · answer #2 · answered by 2008girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way. But I totally understand. I've been throu same thing. I married my husband and moved in HIS house where before lived with his 7 yrs wife. They never have kids so I never saw a reason at the beggining to keep all those pictures and other things. I was nagging him about but he was saying he cannot just delete all those 7 yrs...he was in some trips, was part of his life. Actually there were things he wouldn't have known about from his ex. Some pictures are gone(where she is alone in picture), some are still there in a box and I never throw them and I do not intend. You know why? Cause men after a while, they even don't know what they have in their storage..why would I care if there is a box with some pictures or some other letters? I don't anymore. I marrried him, for the one who is...memories are in a box and that's all. Now we focus on our future. Put the album in a box in a storage place and that's all.
I actually had to get used with his ex style for furniture. I intend to change it over the years. :)
Good luck!
2007-10-22 06:45:39 · answer #3 · answered by LMH 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the pics are in an album and they're put away then you shouldn't be worrying about it. Obviously this woman and her child were a big part of his life at that time. It's natural for people to keep mementos from various parts of their lives especially happy parts. The thing you need to remember is that he has you now and you have him. Your need for him to get rid of the photos of his ex are coming from your insecurites. Have confidence in yourself, your husband and your marriage and you'll find that the past is all just memories and that there's nothing wrong with visiting a memory once in awhile. Another thing to think about is how would you feel if he tried to make you get rid of your memories?
2007-10-22 06:32:14 · answer #4 · answered by Coop's Wife 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do women do that!?!?! I am a woman and have no problem with old pictures of my boyfriend's past loves. They are in the past. Those pictures, whoever is in them, were a part of his life. That is asking him to throw away part of his life that he may want to remember. Could be for several reasons. A lot of women automatically think it is because they still care about the old flame. IF they do so what. He married you, not her. Like I said, it is good to hold on to happy memories. Don't be so jealous and immature about it. DO NOT get rid of those pictures unless you want to ruin the trust part of your relationship. He would never get over you doing something so terrible. I wouldn't dream of doing that. Why are you so concerned? They are not together for a reason and he is now married to you. Let it go and get some self esteem...
2007-10-22 06:28:47 · answer #5 · answered by Paula D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My bf has pictures too and it bugs me but he doesn't look at them either. He tells me he has memory issues and this is the only way he'll remember that time. Put it in a box in the attic. I don't plan on breaking up with my current boyfriend but if I did, I wouldn't get rid of everything from our relationship. A significant other is a huge part of your life and there are memories of other things associated with them that you also may not want to lose. As long as he doesn't need them by his bedside, then it's not a huge deal.
2007-10-22 08:57:25 · answer #6 · answered by abrennan01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he still loves the boy like a son, and wants to hang on to THAT portion of his life?
They're just pictures.
He's with YOU, now.
If the child weren't involved, I'd say he should get rid of the pics.
But, I have pics of a couple of girlfriends from 20 years ago... I don't care for them, at all, at this point, but they were high school dance pictures and such.
Same with my wife. She has pics of previous boyfriends. Doesn't mean a thing.
2007-10-22 06:27:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's interesting you continued to date or see some guy who continually rattled on about his ex. When we go into a relationship with a guy, and all he can do is talk about the ex, there is still an emotional attachment.
You can't give him "permission" about what photos to keep or get rid of. neither can you tell him what he's "allowed" to have at all. He's an adult and he can make up his own mind.
A marriage isn't about telling your partner what they can do or have in their possession. Unless you feel you are his mom?
Yes it would be wrong of you to get rid of those pictures... it's not up to you and they are not yours.
If you have issues with this, talk with a professional. There is no room for jealousy in a marriage. It will destroy it in the end.
2007-10-22 06:36:48 · answer #8 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are they good friends? If so, then I think it would be okay but otherwise that would kind of get to me too. I just got married and came accross a pic of my husbands ex and he told me I could throw it out but I said that's okay. I was just glad he offered. Actually, I have pics of my ex and I'd never go down that rd again. Its just part of my past. We did a lot together so I'd like to keep the memories even though we'd never get back together so if you think of it like that, it's not a big deal. Plus if he was close to the child then you can understand why he wants to keep pictures.
2007-10-22 06:23:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It wouldn't be right of you to get rid of those pictures, it is his. But I can understand your frustration, especially now that you are married it's a bit insulting. When I dated my husband he still had pictures of his ex, once we became serious he trashed everything. I've only seen it once after digging through his stuff and always wondered if he was going to get rid of it or not. It was a big relief to me knowing that he had done it, because to me he has let go of the past and is moving forward to the future and I am the only one in it.
2007-10-22 06:24:17 · answer #10 · answered by Flower 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are his pictures -- he has the right to do what he wants to with them, and yes, it would be VERY wrong of you to destroy HIS property. I can't think of a better way to turn a man from trusting to sneakiness. Just because you came along, that doesn't wipe out memories. He MARRIED you, honey, not the other woman. Stop being jealous. As long as the album isn't sitting on the coffee table and he doesn't pull them out every night to look at -- who cares?
2007-10-22 06:29:35 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋