Is it me???....or is it the fact that my husband goes out and?

Question

comes home when he wants?

We have a 7 month old baby at home and for those who have children, you know that it can be very difficult at times, especially at night. Yes, we both have full time jobs.

So here is the problem...my husband goes out and doesn't come home until 2 am and sometimes 4 am. When I confront him about it he says "I was just out drinking and I knew that if I called you, you'd be pissed so it was easier not to call you." I asked him if he would be angry if I did that. And he got mad and said "go do it, if you think that's gonna help your marriage!" I told him that it wasn't right especially because we have a baby and I am tired and need help. He does this at least once a month. He hangs out at bars where they do other things.

Am I being difficult?

He then said "fine! I won't have any friends and I won't go out anymore, I won't have anymore friends either!"

Answer 1

If he's only doing it once a month, then you are being difficult. He said you could go out too. You have a right to go out once a month with friends and make him stay home to watch the baby.

Answer 2

2:00 or 4:00 am is pretty darn late for a married guy with a kid. I think it's reasonable to go hang out with friends at a bar once a month or so, but really -- "nothing good happens after midnight". I'm intrigued by your comment, "he hangs out at bars where they do other things" -- are you talking about strip joints? Are you afraid he's fooling around? He should be getting himself home by midnight at the latest, and he sure shouldn't be drinking and driving home in the middle of the night -- that's a recipe for disaster! He's being childish, pouting that "ok, I won't have any friends anymore!" Good grief, that argument didn't work on my parents when I was 13 and wanted to go to a bad-news party! And he's being especially childish by not calling you. That's just common courtesy, to let someone who cares about you know where you are.

On the other hand, YOU sound like you are in desperate need of a "girl's night out." Why not arrange an evening with some girlfriends, and tell you husband in advance that you'll be out that evening with YOUR friends, and he'll need to stay home to babysit.

How is he, otherwise? Except for this one break-out a month, is he usually there for you and his son? If so, then you might want to cool it a little, and just ask for some consideration by being called and coming home a little earlier. You aren't being difficult, but you do sound stressed. He's being childish, and you need a break.

Answer 3

Dear young mom
Im a father of 2. One is 18 months and the other 2 months. So you can guess what goes on in our everyday life.

I know my wife is having an extremely difficult time managing these two. And I honestly try my best to help her out as much as I can.

But you must accept one fact. The Male are less capable of handling the multi faceted problems involved in taking care of a baby. You have a brain that can do parallel tasking. You were designed through millions of years of motherhood to withstand the tough stress of rearing children. Nature did not design us the same. We are much less capable and get stressed much easily. There can be no comparison.

So once in a while, if he is too stressed with everything and can't share it with you cos your'e already stressed to the limit - he would want to lighten up by something. Can you please look at it with a little more sympathy. A man is a man, strong, tough, but useless and stupid at times. But never completely hopeless.

Have hope. I wish you all the best. Whats your baby's name?

Answer 4

This is the begining of a problem that you need to nip right now.Married people think that they are still entitled to hang out at bars drinking till the wee hours of the night acting like they're still single.Men, even young ones, can adjust to the responsibilites of helping raise a baby, they just need to be shown(maybe pushed,LOL) the right direction.When you asked how he would like you to go out, he obviously didnt approve, so why are the rules different for you?Its my bet that he wouldnt even be doing this if you wernt at home with a baby.This is what you have to do-Tell him its gonna stop, you are going to concentrate on your family bonds and when you do go out it will be together.You guys need the opportunity to "become" a family, and its not gonna happen when he is going out with his friends. Having a baby is a HUGE adjustment, in time you both can start incorporating friends and plan boys/girls time-but right now the focus should be family.Trust me,I have seen many of friends end up divorced because of this kind of thing.
Married YOUNG 16 + yrs
3 kids

Answer 5

my god girl! Tell him you need him home this Friday night then you fricken go out and don't come home until 4...you need to do this also once a month. You need some friends and some life also. If he wants to play this game, come in and play! He is not going to stop unless he feels a little threatened. Do you have parents who can watch the baby if he won't? You need to get out also, nothing worst than feeling neglected. There is nothing wrong with you going out once a month-do you have anyone who may join you........Good luck, hope it works out for you. I think you'll feel better. No your not being difficult, you want to have fun also-maybe after a while he'll want to be with you till 4am and have fun with you too.

Answer 6

GURL! If you have a 7 mouth baby and all he wants to do is go out and the come home when he wants than obivously theres something going on. He should be home with you and the baby helping you an caring for the baby. And if he uses the excuse "He then said "fine! I won't have any friends and I won't go out anymore, I won't have anymore friends either!" the there is something going on. Check his phone bill gurl and see what he is up too. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 7

Once a month - hate to say it, but you're being difficult.
Part of a sucessful marriage is the ability to exist outside of your partner. I know that may seem to be contradictory to the idea that marriage is a partnership, but in order to be the best partner you can be you must be the best "you" you can be. Part of that is maintaining interests outside of the house and your partner, and that includes friendships.

Being a parent can be stressful - and maybe you do need to get out and be with your friends or even just alone once in awhile. As a mother of 4 I swear by ME TIME! I have been known to go to Barnes and Noble and read a book for three or four hours just to be alone.

Answer 8

it looks like your hubby is in over his head. He does not know how to deal with the responsibility of a wife and a child, how was he before the baby? that is what u might want to think about, then u might find your answers, some really good men just have a problem with the responsibilities of children, so try setting aside a night just for u and him, get a babysitter, go out to dinner, a movie or just a long walk together and talk about what he is scared of, good luck

Answer 9

I don't think so but I can't seem to get my husband to understand that going to bars and staying out until after 4a is not very respectful of me or our family. He is tired all the next day- I am mad because I haven't slept well wondering where he is and hoping he is OK. Recently he went to a bachelor party and didn;t come home until 11:30a THE NEXT DAY! I woke up at 4a, worried sick and finally called at 5a to check on him. He didn't understand why I was mad. He says he meant to call, although I really don't think that is true. Anyway when we talked about it later.. he agreed it was rude and disrespectful. His solution.. he promises to be home before the kids wake up so he will be home before 6a and to tell me to not worry about where he is! Men. I tried the whole, well would you like me to do that.. he said if I thought I could stay out that late he would be fine with it. But I don't know. I just think that men see things different.

Answer 10

I dont think you are wrong to get annoyed with this i would not be happy with that. I would play him at his own game and have a good girls night out. Get dressed up and go out and enjoy yourself. It will make you feel better and he might get the same feeling as you. Make sure he babysits then he will know what it feels like. I also think you both need some time together as a couple. Having a baby does strange things to your life just know it does get easyer.