I'm trying to weed out a few undesirables from my contacts. Could you please help by answering this quick poll

Question

1. How many UFO'S have you seen?
2. Have you talked to Elvis recently?
3. True or false...Oprah is entertaining? (careful with this one)
4. Do you put out on the first date? (men don't be shy here)
5. True or false...Bob Saget is a comedic genius?

Answer 1

1.i own one
2. he is my lover
3.yeah on south park
4.always
5.if you have smoked a bunch of crack and drank two forties hell yeah

Answer 2

1. How many UFO'S have you seen?
One, I believe. I was with my mom driving in the car and we saw these three lights moving in unison. STRANGE. The radio claimed it was a meteor. Yah right!

2. Have you talked to Elvis recently?
Yes, he is quite a charachter. Could lose a few pounds though.

3. True or false...Oprah is entertaining? (careful with this one)
This is a question. Not a statement. Cannot be T or F.

4. Do you put out on the first date? (men don't be shy here).
No.

5. True or false...Bob Saget is a comedic genius?
See #3. He is funny in his own, nerdy, way though.

Answer 3

1. I saw a UFO twice. The first time I saw it nothing happened but the second time they anal probed me (fun times).
2. Elvis was on the UFO.
3. Oprah is god.
4. Yes, that's probably why I don't get asked for a second date.
5. Bob Saget works at the McDonald's down the street from me, he's always funny when he's taking my order.

Answer 4

1. 3. All at the same time.
2. Yes. Last night.
3. False.
4. No.
5. False.

Answer 5

1. I saw an UnFriendly Otter in the woods once, but no others.
2. Only on an infomercial for some music collection, I was trying to get to Jon Stewart.
3. I don't remember, I'm too busy in the late afternoon to watch Oprah. Her weight fluctuations have entertained me in the past, but not her discussions of them.
4. No but I once did on the third. Married him six months later. That was ten years ago. Now I put out every day, or at least every day or so.
5. Eh.

Answer 6

1. No UFO'S this year 2. I haven't, but he was supposed to have been in town recently. 3.Oprah entertains a lot of people. 4. Only in the past. 5. Maybe, but I am not one of his fans.

Answer 7

1. I cannot say or I can't go home today. I don't like to be locked in here. These people are scary.
2. Yes, last night I was making him the usual peanut butter and bannana fried sandwich and he asked me if we had enough malted for a chocolate malt. He wanted me to crush some pretty pills up in it for him.
3. I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it may incriminate me.
4. I haven't had a proper date in over 24 years. Are you asking me out you sly fox?
5. He is that tall funny looking man who played on that show with those millionaire baby twins. He was a loser but those girls sure made a lot of money. Does he need a loan? Maybe he could ask them?

Answer 8

1. I have seen 32 UFOs. Most of them after I had too much to drink.
2. Last time I talked to Elvis he was headed for the bathroom with a little baggie in his hand.
3. Only to Dr. Phil
4. Well Yidiot, I haven't dated for 22 years, but yes, yes I do.
5. Only to his mother (and even she has days when she can't stand him.)
6. If you delete me from your contacts I will kick your @**.

Answer 9

1. Today?
2. Yesterday, But he still wants to be left alone from the public.
3. I wish I had Oprah's wealth
4. We would have to go out on a date and I'm married........
He asked me to marry him right after the first date, I guess it was love at first sight! (wink, wink)
5. Sometimes there is nothing on but America's Funniest videos and Full House. He has come thru in a pinch if you have children.

Did I pass? Rejection really upsets me, just so you will know.

Answer 10

1. I'm not at liberty to say. I don't want to go back to that place in my life...

2. He never answers my calls. Bastardd.

3. Yes, I find her 6 inch false eyelashes quite entertaining. And if you're gonna get into that pool on how much weight she'll gain by next week, you'd better hurry up and place your bet...

4. Nope. You gotta work for this if we're gonna date. I'm not opposed to friends with benefits, though.

5. I'm sorry, but ever since I heard the man say, "YEAH? Well have you ever had to suck d**K for crack?? WELL I HAVE!" I have thought he was the funniest man alive. Wait, is he a man or an extremely flat chested woman?

Answer 11

1. How many UFO'S have you seen? 3
2. Have you talked to Elvis recently? no
3. False
4. Do you put out on the first date? Only if she insists.
5. False