I don't even know how to say this?

Question

Like I've said before my husband and I have an 8 week old son. I do NOT feel like having sex in the least bit. My aunt who was like my mother died Friday, her memorial was yesterday. A friend of my cousins who I've had a crush on for 14 years has been a huge support for me. I know that I'm supposed to go to my husband for support, but he didn't know my aunt the way that I did or the way my cousins friend did. It's comforting to talk to him about it. The reason I wonder if I'm not attracted to my husband anymore is because I still find my cousins friend attractive. Though nothing would ever happen between us. We're both married and we both have a son. But why am I attracted to him and not my husband?? It makes me feel like such a bad wife.

Answer 1

What will make you a bad wife is if you continue to not have sex with your husband and to lust for this other person. You are attracted to what you can't have... get over it. You are married and have a child. That is your family and your focus. Instead of giving in to these feelings and ignoring your husband's needs, you need to do everything you can to gain that attraction back. Do nice things for him, plan a romantic evening, even if you don't feel like it. Chances are once you start you will feel great again!! Most of us do!

Answer 2

First off, sorry about your loss. Being attracted to someone (especially if you've known him for a long time) is completely normal. It's the people who act on it are the ones who wind up regretting it. You need to leave the past in the past. You have a new baby and he needs both of you. Maybe you need to put the spark back into your marrage. Do something fun that you haven't done in a long time, or go to a place you both went to went to when you were dating. Rent a hotel room with a heart shaped jacuzzi (if you don't have one at home) you can go to a hotel right in your own city hopefully you can get a babysitter if not, take him with you he is only 8 weeks and will probably sleep in between feedings. (but do try and get a babysitter) After a baby things change, couples get stressed out lose sleep especially if the baby cries a lot Your aunt died and that is probably feeding into those feelings. Just remember to think of the consequences BEFORE you do something you shouldn't. That might help you change your mind. Look up post partum depression, to see if you have any symptoms. Be open minded if you do look it up because the person that does have post partum depression usually doesn't see it. Good luck with what you do!

Answer 3

Don't be so hard on yourself, you've been through a lot in a short period of time. There's no way your husband will ever understand how you feel if you continue to confide in someone other than him. Go to your husband, decrease your time with this cousin. Spend time with your husband and child, and your feelings will eventually return to normal. Most of all, do not do or say anything you will regret during this time.

If you still continue to feel down after several weeks, talk to your doctor. You might have post-partum depression, which is very treatable.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Im sorry for your loss.Well,even though your husband didnt know your aunt the way this friend did,if you continue to see him you'll end up possibly acting on these feelings so its time to open communication with your husband or you'll lose him forever.Dont feel bad about having weird feelings you didnt act on them.If your husband hasnt tried to be there for you he needs to know you need someone to be there for you:)But If talking to him doesn't resolve things, you may be having a depression problem, so start seeing a counselor if this doesnt get resolved.Good luck:)

Answer 5

You are being a bad wife. Affairs start off by "confiding" in other people.

You should think about terminating that relationship with your cousin's friend.
Look, my first love and I almost got together about 1 1/2 years ago...and she was married. I thank God we didn't even though we share a special connection because I would have missed out on my wife whom I think is perfect. As far as my first love, I had to decide to talk to her or not because of that connection.

Answer 6

Your hormones are raging,don't beat yourself up for it. When hormones are all over the place, DON'T MAKE IMPORTANT CHOICES, because tomorrow you may regret them. I go to my husbands friends for support all the time, don't feel bad about needing support, just don't cross any lines. Sometimes you get so comfortable with your husband,he will feel more like a friend than a sex pot, but that's probably why you married him, because when things get tough you can usually depend on him(excluding hormonal times).
Have you thought you may have a touch of post partum depression, we usually can't see it for ourselves, talk to your Dr.

Answer 7

Crushes happen in and out of marriage. Most people crush during their marriage, its those people that act upon those crushes. But if you feel bad about this behavior then you need to stop talkin to the other guy and focus on your husband.

Answer 8

Put as much effort into your husband girl! It is nice to chat in all, but you're playing with fire. Go to your husband, even if he didn't know her that well. If you want to talk about it, chat about funny stories you remember, get your communication open!

Answer 9

Maybe you should pay as much attention to your husband as you friends dads mothers sister uncles boyfriend cousins friend ... geesh ....... grow up and act like your married.

Answer 10

IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE HE IS SHOWING YOU THE SUPPORT YOUR HUSBAND ISN'T. YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH HIM BECAUSE HE SHARES THE SAME FEELINGS WITH YOU. GOING TO HIM FOR COMFORT ISN'T BAD IF YOU HAVE NO INTENTIONS... MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY TO TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELING TOWARDS THE LOSS OF YOUR AUNT WITH YOUR HUSBAND... SEE WHAT HE HAS TO SAY. SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOU LOSS TOO. I'M SURE YOUR HUSBAND HAS LOST PEOPLE HE LOVES DEARLY... HE SHOULD KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.