Ok, quick but thorough background. A friend of mine was married for 6 years, then, wife cheated on him and moved out of his house with another man. She continued to use his (their) credit card(s) and built up an enormous amount of debt, possibly ruining both their credit histories for a very long time (bankruptcy may be apparent). During this 10 month period, he repeatedly try to salvage the relationship, with no success. She told him she didn’t find him attractive any more, and didn’t love him, etc., basically everything you need to move on with closure. Now, month 11 he has began talking to her again (after he sold his house, moved to a new place and started a new job) and is seriously contemplating trying to work it out with her, again! Throughout this process I helped him move on and get his life back in order (start anew), but know I feel he is headed down the same path by contemplating the renewal of this relationship. Furthermore, the only reason he is contemplating this is because NOW she is ready to try it out again. Personally, I think this is a tragic mistake! I have told him so, but I believe he is already moving on the opportunity. I know you can lead a horse to water but not make him/her drink, but what advice do you have for me that I can give to him?
P.S. I currently found out that he didn’t file for divorce when he said he did, just FYI, so they are technically still married.
2007-10-22 05:04:29 · 17 answers · asked by Derrick 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It isn't up to you... If he wants to work it out, he will! Poor guy, sad thing is he can do so much better than a tramp that doesn't appreciate him. All you can do is be his friend. If he needs to kick back and drink with you, do that. Don't press the issue... You lead him to water... now just be there to see if you need to refill it!
2007-10-22 05:10:28 · answer #1 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok - she's slept with somebody - supply it a good long think of, annoy your self over it, then - enable IT bypass. you're a father and you have an probability to come back together with her, and he or she with you. Its clean you 2 the two desire to, so take it sluggish to concentration on the substantial merchandise on your plate - getting your loved ones back at the same time. That being stated, regardless of the undeniable fact that, set the time shrink. She may be dragging her feet a splash, and in spite of each and every thing, do you like your toddlers being strung alongside and raised by making use of yet another guy from now on? You and her ought to set a date - the quicker the greater appropriate - and get your flow finished. Make a substantial, clean ruin. If her past courting(s) worry you, refer to a therapist approximately it, yet do no longer decrease than any circumstances, start up fights together with her over it. You 2 broke up, so it grew to become into truthful interest. superb of success to you. you have a 2nd probability, so supply it your superb shot!
2016-10-07 09:44:18 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His life, his marriage, his desicion.
Sure, you have been supportive thoughtout all of this ordeal, but as a friends, you should support him on fixing his relationship as well, even if you don't agree. It's not about being hypocrytical, I'm sure that he knows that you disagree with this, but if you do not support him in his marriage, them you will be the villiand and probably will be cut off from his life, as you would bee seen as a treat of their "happiness".
I've seen it a million times and like the ol' saying says: No one should be in between husband and wife business.
Evreyone knows that it's a mistake and that probably she's crawling back after things with her lover didn't work out, but you can be blue in the face trying to tell him and he won;t listen! He has to find out on his own. Be there for him!!!
Good luck
2007-10-22 05:22:28 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isnt up to you to judge your friend. It isnt your marriage or your feelings. He may indeed be wrong ..... but he needs to exhaust every means available to him to salvage his marriage. He will know when to give up ....... when he does, he will also know that HE tried every thing he could to save the relationship and will be able to easier continue with life and move on.
Take it from someone who has been there........ be a friend and just support him the best you can, when he falls be there to help him back up.
2007-10-22 05:37:19 · answer #4 · answered by Answer Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes you can't stop people from committing their own self-destruction. All you can do is stand by and pick up the inevitable pieces, if you can. But you don't have to. Sometimes the better part of valor is to just walk away. Don't get sucked in to this psychodrama.
2007-10-22 05:13:19 · answer #5 · answered by colder_in_minnesota 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people love being in the middle of a drama, it makes them feel important. Tell him that you're tired of hearing about his same problems over and over again, and that if he refuses to help himself then you're not interested in hearing about it anymore. If he doesn't have an audience for all of his tales of woe, maybe it won't seem as interesting to him anymore.
2007-10-22 05:22:31 · answer #6 · answered by sarah jane 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He needs to test her. She sounds like she is digging for money. He doesn't need to lie, but he also doesn't need to let her know how well he is doing. In all reality though, there isnt much you can do. No matter what you tell him, explain to him, show him, most of the time, they always do what they think they want (even if it's not in his best interest)
2007-10-22 05:17:36 · answer #7 · answered by shannonhouchins 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow....your friend is making a big mistake. he must really love her to want to get back with her after all that she did.
he needs to respect himself and love himself before he can do anytihg. apparently he probably believes he can't get anyone else and that's why he wants her back.
what i dont get is how can he want her back? all the hurt, problems and embarrasement that she caused him....doesnt he care?
i would really encourage your friend to put his feelings aside and look at the big picture. she left him for another man. what if she does that again. she's probably juse using him.
he needs to divorce her and move on. he can do better...he deserves better.
2007-10-22 05:14:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him your honest opinion of the situation, and if he refuses to take your advice, then that is his choice. I would suggest counseling for him and her if they do decide to get back together to find out what happened in their relationship and why it happened. And i would tell him to hold her accountable for all the debt that she accumulated, by making her work some extra hours at work, etc (if she works, if not, she needs to get a job to pay it).
2007-10-22 05:12:28 · answer #9 · answered by eliza l 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He isnt in a place to listen to ANY advice. He is determined to give it another go. Maybe take him out to meet some other women. Remind him of how fun it is to be single. Good-luck.
2007-10-22 05:38:24 · answer #10 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋