I had an emotional affair 1 year ago, and my husband and I decided to stick together and work it out. He promised me he would be around more and act more responsible. But latetly, all he's doing is flipping out! He goes through my cell phone and calls all my stored numbers to make sure they are who they are. Even my relatives! why? because he stored that guy's number under an alias, and I accidently deleted it because I didn't know who's number it was in my book. But recently, he placed an add in craigslist and put my # down, so I have been getting many calls. Now he's accusing me of cheating with all those phone numbers calling me. I asked him if it was worth it for us to stay together and always have to be like this. And he said. Maybe...no definite answer? Why are we here then? I love him to death, but he always has to remind me everyday, when all I"m trying to do is live and learn.
2007-10-22 03:48:55 · 12 answers · asked by Laurellamags 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is reacting to your betrayal. And by betrayal, I mean your "emotional affair". Many years ago you may have been stoned to death for such acts. Be glad he's only having occasional outbursts and has not divorced you, as he probably should.
2007-10-22 04:02:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may have forgiven but not really forgotten. So he is still very insecure. That is what affairs do, makes spouses very, very insecure and many times in the end things don't work out. You may need to talk to him and point blank ask him what he is feeling and how can you two move on from this scenario onto the real life - a life of trust.
2007-10-22 10:55:12 · answer #2 · answered by Pinolera 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey, I have been here before and know exactly how you feel. I can tell you what I did and that so far it has worked. I came right out and said that I can't live like this.......you either have to put it behind you so that we can grow together or we just can't. You will never survive his insecurity. It is him that needs to to make a decision whether he can handle this. I am sorry you are going through this :( I do know it can be better if he agrees to the terms.
2007-10-22 11:08:34 · answer #3 · answered by Primrose 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest your husband is acting out because he is insecure. My husband cheated on me and it's been almost a year. I still don't trust him. Cheating takes it's toll on any relationship. Some can work past it some can't. The person who has been cheated on is devastated and it takes forever to get over. It's something you maybe able to forgive in time, but you never forget and when that seed is planted you always wonder if and when they are going to do it again. I would suggest maybe some counseling if you can get him to go.
2007-10-22 10:57:40 · answer #4 · answered by be happier own a pitbull 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is a hard thing to regain once lost. I am going through this with my boyfriend. If I were you, I would sit him down and tell him that you have nothing to hide. If it will help him to regain his trust in you to look in your phone, let him- hand it to him even. Remind him of the craigslist thing and tell him that if he doesn't want strange numbers coming up, then don't give out your phone number to the world!! Tell him that if he is never going to be able to trust you again, then you need to split. It is a hard thing. Trust is so important in a relationship. Be understanding though. It is torture to be in his shoes, always wondering if he will be betrayed. I am in his shoes. It sucks.
2007-10-22 11:02:03 · answer #5 · answered by hair princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you both need counciling either
together or separate.
This way you will be able to find out what is bothering your husband. He is not going to tell you so maybe he will tell a therapist.
Then he will also know what is bothering him and be able to work it out.
or
Maybe he is looking for an excuse to leave
or have you leave because now he changed his mind and doesn`t want to be
with you anymore.
Ask him if he thinks he will be better off without you.
2007-10-22 10:58:24 · answer #6 · answered by Blessed 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he can't trust you then you can't move forward. It seems like he might be doing something behind your back. there is an old saying that goes..." what ever your doing I'm doing too" or you can switch it around. Just basicly means that If your accusing someone than they are usually the one doing it. You need trust to have love.
2007-10-22 10:55:19 · answer #7 · answered by neverlie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He hasn't learned to forgive you for the affair. He's still hanging this over your head no matter what he said to reassure you that you're still together, so he's trying to hide the fact he doesn't trust you now.
2007-10-22 11:00:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sucks don't it!!! BEEN THERE DONE THAT!! he probley will never get over it!!! and there is nothing u can do either. most people say it will take time and he will get over it but nope don't think that works either. just either hang in there or get out! just the little things are such a reminder to him. good luck to ya!!!
2007-10-22 10:58:29 · answer #9 · answered by sunshine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not suggest counseling. If you'd do what you did, you obviously have issues to work through - and how can you expect him NOT to have issues. What you did was a betrayal. Get help if you want it to work out!
2007-10-22 11:24:15 · answer #10 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋