How do you get over an argument? HELP?

Question

Every time my husband and I argue he seems within a few minutes after he will watch and tv he is fine then he talks to me like everything is normal it takes me days to get over an arguement . Our last arguement yesterday when i walked out and went to another room he turned on the tv and started laughing at a show and i got so pissed. I went in the other room and said how can you just sit here like everything is ok. Then he says I am OK you need to fix yourself. I used to keep a journal and he found it so he says why don't you go write in your journal {that really pissed me off} So I said things I want to change about our relationship and what i don't like he then says ok i will work on it. I know it sounds like nothing but that made me even more upset i felt like he was just dismissing me. How do I just move on like him after an arguement. I try not to hold on but i feel like at the end of an arguement we should talk and feel fine again not just ignore things and let time fix it

Answer 1

JUV...my wife and I went through this...here are some things we did...1. Do not take fusses personal...ladies seem to do this more than guys. 2. Discuss the problem and problem only..don't bring up the past, or say you never, everytime etc. 3. Don't keep score on who wins, and don't try to win, that leads to things getting personal and personal attacks on your love one...you both are trying to fix the problem. 4. Hold hands during the discussion and that will keep it civil. 5. Stay away from drama...if you do not feel good (say that) or if you are tired (say that) if you are moody (say that)...it helpd when you both understand each other feelings.

Answer 2

Sounds so familiar. My guy does it too, always tells me after a fight, to just be happy and he can move on with the day leaving me madder then hell.
We hold a grudge where as they just can move on to something else, like tv. You have to force the converstation onto him after a fight and sit and talk about it untill there is 2 im sorry's and a hug and kiss. We cant change the way men are so dont try. Communication is one of the biggest things in a relationship and if you dont have that or cant do that, then there wont be much hope in the future

Answer 3

I've read the answers posted and think that you are being given a lot of good advice. But may I add that I would suggest you read an old book called "Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars." It'll help you understand the male of species much better. My significant other says He gets over and argument with me in 3 hours, but it takes me 3 days to get over that same argument--and He's right. I can hold a grudge longer than anybody I know!!! And, believe me, it's never worth it.

Good luck.

Answer 4

men have this ability to just "forget" everything that happens. They can turn their brain off and get involved in the TV or something else to occupy their thoughts. Women's brains can not just shift like this. It is much harder for us to get over things. Part of this is because of how women are "trained" to talk things out. We want to resolve an issue so that it is more likely to not become an issue over and over. Men don't or are unable to understand this. They want to ignore it so that things are peaceful. What they don't understand is that if things don't get resolved with understanding and compromise, the issue WILL arise again, probably several times. Men don't think things all the way through like women do. We can see the issue coming up again in the future and want to just get it resolved. They don't think that far ahead. I am very frustrated with this exact thing with my boyfriend. We are going to counseling, but will it help? Is there anything we can do to help them understand? I'm not sure. Good luck.

Answer 5

Sounds like my husband. He will be fine as pie when we fight and he thinks it is over. Me I want to yell at the top of my lungs at him cause it ticks me off so much.....But, we have been married 11 yeas now and I have learned that even if he is fine I will continue to talk till I feel I am being heard. Cause if we don't get it out then it will just build.
So I say things like are you hearing me? Do you understand where I am coming from? Things along those lines and it has seemed to worked at least with my hubby. Cause he has to answer me right?

Answer 6

When the argument is over you just move on. It does not do anyone any good to dwell on the problems. If you have had your say in an argument it is time to forgive and forget. Your husband has the right answer. Sit down with him and enjoy the television as well.

Good Luck

Answer 7

The best way to win an argument is to avoid it. Works every time.

This is very difficult to do, but works. With time and practice, you'll get very good at this. I strongly recommend you read the source book below. Best of luck.

Answer 8

It might be the normal case that men get over faster than women. For us, my H js cant get over. He goes on and on over every word i said out of anger, interprets them in his own words. When I said i dont mean it the way he sees it, he js insists i do. Wow, i really cant deal with that.

I would never let an arguement carry overnight, but not him. He wld be cold and hard like a rock... hvg sleepless night but for me, i wld js shift my mind and went to sleep. His behavior fustrates me cos he does not accept that many women speak things out of anger (vent their feelings) and once get them out of their chest, they will be fine.

I wished my husband wld be like yours in this aspect ... :)

Answer 9

Some people get over things alot faster than other people. People can either get over it to or hold onto it for weeks on end.

Answer 10

Having an argument doesn't mean you have to hold a grudge. Solve the problem and get on with life.