My wife and I have decided to seperate. She is actually the one walking out on me. I found out she is "talking" to another man. She has not done anything with him or so I think. She is 20yrs old and I'm 24. We have been married for 2 yrs, and we have a 2yr old son. I will admit that in the past when we first got married, I did some stupid stuff, talked to girls on the internet. But I have never went out with a girl or met a girl.That was a LONG time ago and she forgave me for that. Now, recently for the past month, she has been talking to this guy on the phone and texting. She said she would quit so we could work it out, but she is still doing it. She said he says things that make her feel good. But my question is, I have been supporting us this whole time, paying for EVERYTHING. She right now makes more then I do as far as income.Has not paid anything. She is leaving.. we have a house. How would the custody workout? I want joint custody. Can i get it? How bout the house? Please help
2007-10-22 02:55:45 · 10 answers · asked by hotncguy18 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I forgot to mention I reside in North Carolina.
Also, we bought the house in May so it is brand new. The house loan is on my name but the title of the house is under our name. My mother and father put down $2000 on the house itself. Her family bought our fridge, dishwasher, microwave, stove.
She is the one wanting to divorce, not me. She said she is not happy. She wants to find that happiness. But she told me that she wants me to go live with my mom so that she (we) can decided what we want. (But its actually her and what she wants) Should I go stay since I'm not the one wanting this? If she moves out, she has to lease a apartment and if she does that, she said its final. She is telling me that she still is talking to this guy, but she said there are no feelings there, she dosen't like him, she just likes the things he says to her. (Do you believe this? Should I believe this) I want joint custody of my child? Could I get it or would she get full custody?
2007-10-22 02:57:15 · update #1
The reason for the split is irrelevant. The fact that you supported her before the split is irrelevant.
Getting both names on the title/deed, but only your name on the mortgage, was not a smart thing to do (now she has a legal interest in the house, but no legal obligation to make the payment). Your mom and dad giving you money for the downpayment is irrelevant. That’s considered a *gift to both of you*. And her family’s purchase of the appliances is considered the same.
I think her stand as far as who moves out is basically blackmail (that’s just my personal opinion). Generally, speaking if the marriage is over, it’s over, if there’s a chance of reconciliation, there’s a chance--that has nothing to do when who moves out.
Normally, in NC the house is awarded to whoever is awarded custody of the children, IF they can buy the other person out (pay them half of the equity) and they can afford to make the payments on the house. If she is awarded the home, MAKE SURE she is ordered to refinance it in her name alone by a certain date. If not and she defaults on the loan, YOU, not her, will be one the bank forecloses on, because only your name is on the mortgage and the fact that the court awarded her the home in the divorce doesn’t change that. The only thing that will change that is if she refinances it in her name.
As far as the guy is concerned, there’s a chance she really doesn’t feel anything for him and simply does like the fact that he says things that makes her feel good (which would imply that she’s not hearing those things from you). But, there is also a very good chance that she will eventually begin to have feelings for him.
There are two types of custody--physical custody and legal custody.
As far as physical custody, frankly, in NC it depends on the judge you get. Many judges, especially older ones, still follow the ‘tender years doctrine’ (even though, it’s basically unconstitutional because it’s discrimination on the basis of gender), meaning they generally award custody of very young children to the mother, unless she is proven to be unfit. However, some judges are more willing to consider joint custody if it’s practical (although, honestly, *some* children have difficulty with being constantly drug back and forth from one house to another).
Then, there’s also joint legal custody (which is different than physical custody), which means while one parent may have sole physical custody, if they have joint legal custody, then both parents have the right to make decisions about the child's schooling, medical care, etc. But, in cases where the parents are completely at odds and cannot get along at all, some judges are even reluctant to order joint legal custody (because if the parents can’t get along, how would they ever agree on any issue?).
Finally, you do realize that in NC in order to get a no-fault divorce, you have to be separated for a full year, don’t you? NC does allow fault divorces on the grounds of adultery, but her talking to/texting another man, is not adultery. But, during your separation, either party can petition the court for temporary custody/child support/residence of the house.
EDITED TO ADD THIS:
Just to address some of the other issues mentioned:
Even if you can prove adultery (and again, talking to/texting another man is not adultery--adultery requires physical sexual contact), that *generally* has no effect on property division or custody (unless, the adultery had a direct effect on the children, such as her leaving them unsupervised while she went off to have sex with her lover).
If you leave the home because she asked you to (which, personally I wouldn’t do, but that’s just me), that is NOT considered abandonment. Although, if you separate and you fail to provide financial support for the child, then the court will take a very dim view of that, even though you’re not legally obligated to provide child support to her without a court order. And that’s why you need those temporary orders I mentioned before.
You really should talk to a local attorney. Many will give a free initial consultation.
2007-10-22 03:34:26 · answer #1 · answered by kp 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't move out. If possible sleep in different rooms or something. Obviously, though she has already decided it is over if moving out is all it takes to make her decide. I personally think that you all were probably to young to get married (especially her). Two years is not a long time ago and I don't think she really fogave you. It kinda sounds like she is doing this now because of what you did in the beginning. Like he did it then so I can do it now. (extremely immature)
Make sure that she files for divorce and ask for alimony in it. You could probably get it since she makes more than you do. Plus, find out if your state is a no-default state. Meaning that if it isn't then you could possibly use her talking to this guy against her. Sounds like you have a good chance at getting joint custody.
Do a consultation with a lawyer and find out all of your options.
2007-10-22 03:44:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a very similar situation. I was not happy with my husband and we separated. I was very generous with giving him most of our belongings because he didn't want to divorce. I also gave him joint custody of our little girl. Has she said that she won't give you joint custody? If you are a good dad, I see no reason for you to lose your son. If she is unwilling to be fair with this, you will have to go get a good lawyer to fight for you. I had our divorce papers drawn up through a site on the internet, but it was a pain and took forever for them to get all of the wording right. As far as the house goes, neither of you have more rights to it than the other. Sleep in separate bedrooms if she refuses to leave, but I say since she is the one that wants out, she should be the one to leave. Why does she pay no bills? Seems a little one sided, especially if she makes more money than you. Good luck with everything. Make your son your first priority, and make an agreement with her to never bad mouth each other to him. That really screws up a kid. I hope you both can be civil to each other and come to mutual decisions for his sake!
2007-10-22 03:27:57 · answer #3 · answered by hair princess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a lawyer. There shouldn't be an issue with you getting joint custody if you divorce. Does she not have any friends she can go stay with? If she is the one that wants out, then she should be the one to leave. No matter what happens, be there for your little boy, but it sounds like that is your main priority, that is a rare and good thing.
2007-10-22 03:27:31 · answer #4 · answered by jess4u2c2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is not an unfit mother so you will not get full custody but joint custody is possible.Don't leave your house. You have vested interest in it. She 's the one leaving, not you. So, stay put. Your child will need a home when he comes for visits. Do not get railroaded into leaving your home. You need to contact an attorney as soon as possible to find out what legal options you have. Your wife is young and it sounds like she doesn't know what or who she wants. In time she may get her head on straight and want to come home again. She's going to find that being a single mother is not at all easy.
2007-10-22 03:06:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well first of all, if this guy is telling her things that is making her feel good, then u are lacking something in the marriage. You say your paying for everything, but that dosnt mean you are there for her emotionaly like she is needing. Have you asked her to go to marriage counceling. I think if she wants to work on things then she shouldnt decline. It would be easier on your son to try and work on things while you are both around (living together). If she dosnt want to go to counceling, then she probebly dosnt want it to work out.
As for the house, that is something that would get delt with in the divorce, but you can tell her if she wants out, then she gets out, you are keeping the house if she is taking your son. If she has had or is having an affair, its possible she wont get any material things from you, even alimony. Talk with a lawyer and see about the laws where you are from
Custody would be joint with you. Unless you are abusive, a druggy, or something extreem like that, there is no reason why they wouldnt award you shared custody. good luck to you.
2007-10-22 03:13:55 · answer #6 · answered by louie 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you can ask the courts if you can have joint custody but I wouldn't leave the property as then she can use well he abandoned me and he moved out first so it is then her house ( kind of ) since the deed is only in your name then you have a really good chance of keeping the house and see if you can't get a divorce on the grounds of her infadelity then she basically has no rights in the courts eyes
2007-10-22 03:16:38 · answer #7 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Please go talk to a lawyer and not some people on the internet. I have a close friend who went through something very very similar. He did not consult with an attorney and ended up loosing his kids.
2007-10-22 03:01:56 · answer #8 · answered by Casper 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Lawyer up!
Good Luck!
2007-10-22 03:06:54 · answer #9 · answered by deblord2002 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a lawyer.
2007-10-22 03:01:33 · answer #10 · answered by kim t 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋