I saw my husband cheating?

Question

My husband and I seperated last week, wednesday to be exact. We didn't split because we weren't getting along..we split because his son was getting out of jail and we agreed that for the best interest of his child and mine that he would spend some time with his son and get him on the right track. We each have children from a prior marriage, none together though. Friday night I took a ride to the next town over just to get out of the house for a few minutes. I saw my husband and another woman, each obviously drinking and they were all over each other. I wanted to throw up..we had only been apart for 3 days. But we have been together for 8 years. He had been a recovering alcoholic and had not had a drink in years. He called me yesterday morning to say hello, said he had been sick with the flu all weekend and his cell phone broke so he caouln't call me. Very calmly I told him what I saw, how he hurt me and how I never want to see him again. I feel so empty and betrayed. Thoughts?

Answer 1

First, I'm sorry your husband is a no-good lying piece of **** and you deserve better.

Second, the question on MY mind is how did he react after you told him you saw him?

Answer 2

I'm not sure if someone has said this yet, but it seems that maybe your feelings aren't that strong for him. I know that you hurt, and maybe you are just a really laid back person, but if it had been my husband I would have pulled my car over and confronted him right there. I wouldn't wait until he got ahold of me to tell him that I knew. I'm not saying that I would have been violent or anything, but I would make it clear that I was there and I would tell the slutty drunk girl he was a married man and an alcoholic, good luck, and you can have him. If it wasn't something that you suspected, or if you didn't want it to happen deep down to free yourself of the relationship, then I think you would have stopped and said something. Everyone is different though. No matter what, you deserve A LOT better than a lying, cheating, alcoholic, who raised a son who ends up in jail. That apple didn't fall far from the tree did it? Pick up the pieces, and learn from this relationship. There are tons of wonderful guys out there who will love you and not betray your trust.

Answer 3

Honey, you may be hurting, but this is the wake up call you needed. He is using his son as an excuse to play around and expects you to be waiting on him when he gets done. An alcoholic is never done with alcohol or the issues that go along with it. I was married to an alcoholic once. I finally realized how low my standards had fallen and got the hell out. The fact that we did not have kids motivated me to move even faster. He will always have an excuse, he will always swear he's not drinking, he will promise he is not with other women. Do you want to have to question everything he says forever? You deserve someone who will treat you like a lady. People only do to you what you let them do in many cases. Don't let him bring you down any further. At least you saw him with your own eyes. Many women blindly go on for years without being faced with the truth and suffer problems such as STDs and husband's children with the mistress. Others go broke hiring a detective to have the offending partner watched. I am assuming hubby is already out of the house. Great! Have you thought about the idea he may have left you already for this woman, yet used his son as an excuse? A person who pull this kind of trick is a major manipulator. Get own with your life and thank the heavens above that he is out of your life. No real man would act like that. You can do better! Best wishes to you and take care!

Answer 4

So eight years and there was never a sign of him being unhappy or you guys had communication issues? You mean to tell me you knew nothing of him possibly trying to cover things up from you finding out?

One you don't split with your husband for something that belongs in the family. He has a son that just got out of jail then you have a son that has just got out of jail. It seems like you might be a passive person where you see the signs of things not going well and you just ignore it and let it be. It doesn't fix the situation it increases the chances of things like this happening.

You let your husband know what you saw is a good thing. Now you need to talk to him and ask him why and what's wrong with our relationship. Now you have every right to throw away your marriage and leave him, or you can find out what's wrong and try to mend the hurt and the problems. You have options.
I guess this is where the for better or for worst kicks in. Good luck on what you want to do.

Answer 5

You are obviously in love with him which makes things a lot more difficult. He may have just been drunk enough to let his inhibitions down and fell into a situation that he wasn't expecting. 8 years of faithfullness and you were split up at the time. You 2 need to put all the cards out on the table and see what happens. he may have used his son for an excuse??? I do not know but I suggest you go to a counselor no matter what else and tell her the whole story and see what avenues she would have you follow. It is still possible for you 2 to save this if you both want to. But it will take effort from both of you.

Answer 6

Sorry to hear that.

Maybe that woman whom you saw was only his friend. Perhaps your husband wanted to have some adult campanionship, hence, he just contacted that woman. Dont feel betrayed, you will know the truth in the end. Sometimes, when he feeling upset, he could drink so that he could feel more relax and drown his sorrows. He also needed sometime to accept the fact. Look it at this way, his son was getting out of jail. He wasnt with his son for quite a while, give him sometime. He will be thinking of ways so that his son could become a better person and that he could also find another way to get back to you. (:

Answer 7

That really sucks you saw it, but then again its good that its never disputable. I tried to stick around for someone I love that did that to me, but he was never able to prove himself (aka show character and integrity, honesty, faithfulness) so I ended up letting him go anyway. If I had made a clean brake his heart would have broke harder and perhaps been more than shallow sadness that I'm gone. I think trying to give it another chance dumbed down his guilt and fear of losing me, when the best thing I could have done would be to leave him completely right away. With 8 years of marriage, he will never forget what he lost.

As for what you could do, get together with family, friends. Cook dinner together and spend time. Clean out the house and begin the work of separating your worlds. Sure, if he's repentant you could give it another shot... but I am a bit leery... Don't let him make you think he is Oh So Sorry. He will first be sorry that he got caught.. that is it.

Answer 8

It sounds like your husband needs a lot more help than you can give him right now. If he was a recovering alcoholic and he is drinking again then he has a lot of emotional problems that he obviously can't handle.

Maybe his son getting ouf of jail is being more traumatic than either of you thought. Could be he blames himself and can't handle the fact that he failed this son.

Either way you have to separate yourself from him now. If he is drinking again you cannot afford to have him around you or your children. Only he can work it out.

Be thankful you do not have children with him and let him go. It will be difficult but better for you in the long run.

Good Luck

Answer 9

8 years is a long time. I've been married that long....I know that wanting to throw up feeling although I never "saw" them together. That aside...If he was a recovering alcoholic, and you saw him drinking HUGE alarms should have been going off. Maybe he wanted to separate for that reason? He wanted to start drinking again, or maybe he had, and wanting to spare you from what he obviously knows is his downfall and all that goes along with it, he decided to leave. He's lying to you..typical behavior for an alcoholic.
The son out of jail thing aside....if you love him at all, recognize that he has a problem...maybe you don't want to get back together, but he needs help again. Can you be strong enough to help him or are you mad enough to let him continue on the downward spiral?

Answer 10

Interesting how he is helping his son out by going out with another woman. First of all, you and your husband should have never put the need to rescue his grown son ahead of your marriage. I feel your husband manipulated and used this excuse to rescue his son as a way to be able to see this other woman. I can imagine how hurt and betrayed you feel. His lie about his cell phone being broken indicates it does not take much to lie to you, he underestimated your intelligence. Maybe this is something you need to think about for your problem was that you were too trusting with a person that took advantage of it.

Answer 11

What did he say when you told him? Thats besides the point. I know some people deserve a second chance, but in my experiences, the relationship will never be the same. Everytime he isn't with you, and tells you what he is doing, you will always question it, and wonder if he is cheating on you again. I say, if and only if you can truly put this behind you, never bring it up again, and TRULY TRUST him again, could it ever work. I was cheated on by a boyfriend, I loved him and didn't want to be without him, so we stayed together, but I didnt trust him and constintley through it back in his face, needless to say the realtionship didnt work. So I would have to say, move on. If he care about your feelings he would not have been canoodling with another female. That was not helping his troubled son was it?