Hi.I am 29 and married.I have been married for 6 six years. i feel absolutely no attraction to my husband. in all the time that we have been married i have had an orgasm only once. I faked all the other times.sometimes he tries too hard and ends up hurting me. i feel like i do not love my husband anymore. he is a wonderful person but there is just no attraction and i hate myself for it. we have nothing in common and he tries to mould me into this person i am not. i work 9-5 and when i come home i do the housework and cook. i feel as though i do the same thing day in and out. i am bored stiff and want to leave him for my sanity. any advice.
2007-10-22 02:05:24 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The grass in not greener on the other side...
been married twice and I once felt like you...
now that I'm single...I wish I had someone to talk to too...
...dating is horrible....men are all jerks....
Think about it twice...........try to make it work.....
2007-10-22 02:14:58 · answer #1 · answered by Sexy Cuban 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though you and your man need a a major marriage tune-up.
Why did you marry him? Were you attracted to him when you first married or before? Have you poured your heart out to him and told him how you feel?
Marriage is give and take, plus a 24 hour job. We can't sit idle and expect our marriage to run smoothly. I am guessing by what you have said that both you and your husband put little effort into romancing each other, spending quality time together, or being attentive to each others needs. It might even be as if you were only roomates.
So....why not try to work on the relationship before you call it quits? If you aren't giving your husband a 100%, how can you expect 100%? If you try everything to make it work and don't see any changes...then it's time to throw in the towel.
A good offense is your best defense. Go to your local bookstore and buy the book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" This is a wonderful book for wifes who are just sick and tired of their inconsiderate, over bearing husbands. Start being more loving and appreciative of your man. Don't nit-pick and complain about every little thing. Who or what is he trying to mold you into? Maybe he just wants to feel that you need him. Maybe he isn't trying to change you, but trying to change your perception of him and your marriage. Talk to each other. Ask what his needs and desires are and if you are meeting them. Tell him your needs and desires and what he can do to meet those needs and desires. Romance him. Leave love notes and sexy notes on his pillow, in his car, in a sock, etc. Call him from work, email him through out the day, just go out of your way to show him you love him and that you can't get enough. You already have the cooking and cleaning down pat, so do something for yourself while you are at it. Get a new hairstyle, makeover, your nails done, take up an exercise class, etc. You feeling sexy about yourself and looking great will make your man take notice.
After a few weeks of heavy love and appreciation, buy him the book "1001 ways to be romantic". This can be his romance guide.
Women are born MORE romantic than most men, so sometimes to get what we want we have to take the initiative and give our guys a little push......more often than not they take the bait and it's full steam ahead after that :).
If your marriage has lost the spark, I urge you to start the fire again. It has to start somewhere and if you are concerned enough to ask for help on Yanswers, you will gladly put forth the effort to make things better between the two of you. A happy, loving marriage takes work and patience. It's not magic....not even when we first start dating. When you are in the first stages of dating someone new...you work your butt of to impress that person and they do the same for you. Why are we blinded by the illusion that it's okay to be lazy in marriage, but then we say our relationships have lost their spark? We have to continuely fan the fire. Keep that in mind.
Tonight is the night you start romancing your husband. Show him what a wonderful woman you truly are and he will become the man of your dreams. Good luck!!!!!!!
2007-10-22 02:53:35 · answer #2 · answered by Gretta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No attraction to your husband; not one word about loving him in your post - think you entered into this relationship without the basic requirements for marriage. Also, no one should ever marry someone with the thought of changing them into what they want them to be. He is completely wrong in trying to make you into what he 'wants'; not who you are.
I believe that if there is no love, no attraction and he wants you to be someone you aren't and you are not feeling the love you should have in a marriage; it is better to split and allow the both of you the opportunity to find someone who you can truly be happy living your life with. No wonder you are feeling as you do. I usually don't recommend divorce, but in this case, think it may be for the better. If there was love at the beginning of your relationship, perhaps you two could try some counseling before taking such a drastic step; only the two of you can decide this. Good luck either way it works out.
2007-10-22 02:14:35 · answer #3 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go get counseling, you have played a part in this marriage. You never should have faked anything. If you would have told him exactly what you need he could have made you happy in bed. I have a feeling that would be true in other areas of your relationship. A counselor can help you turn things around. Marriage is hard work and it sounds like you haven't put much into yours. Give it a try.
2007-10-22 02:32:23 · answer #4 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First stop faking your orgasms. He can't know he is failing if you keep doing that. Men don't automatically know how to please a woman, we have to show them what it takes for us. You will need to show your husband exactly want it takes for you to reach orgasm.
As for your not loving your husband anymore I don't believe that. I think you are frustrated, both sexually and emotionally. You are in a relationship that you get no physical release and no romance from what it sounds like.
Talk to him about your having to do everything. Ask him to put in a helping hand. If you shared the chored in the evening you would have more time to be together. Put the romance back. Surprise him with a candlelight dinner, or music after dinner for dancing.
Don't automatically think divorce will be the answer. It could backfire on you and end with your feeling like you failed him. I think you both just need to spice things up and you need to learn to communicate better.
Good Luck
2007-10-22 02:16:18 · answer #5 · answered by mn lady 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he shouldnt try and change you and make you what he wonts you to be ! but maybe if ya'll set down and talked about the problems maybe yall could work it out and maybe yall should plan a get away for a week end and see if that sparks it back up if not then go to marriage counseling and if it fails then maybe you should get a devorce ! its not fair to youre husband you faking orgasm and if yall would put some spice back into the marriage you might see him differently both of you need to try a marriage a happy one is alot of work hard work to make it last good luck on youre decision
2007-10-22 02:35:29 · answer #6 · answered by lil momma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should go to marriage counselling if your marriage is in trouble. All you are talking about is attraction and sex which is pretty shallow you must have married him for more reasons than that? I would try counselling first before even considering a divorce. suggest that you do other activities instead of just cooking and cleaning. He may not know you are as unhappy as you are.
2007-10-22 02:24:12 · answer #7 · answered by nik 28 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He cannot make you into something that you are not. He should not even try. I would just tell him the truth. I could not stay with him if I didn't want to be there. I could not sleep with him under the circumstances either. I don't think faking it was the answer.You do need to take care of your sanity and your happiness.
2007-10-22 02:19:58 · answer #8 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 6 years of marriage, you've "harvested" the love and affection. When the two of you dated, he put alot into making you feel good about yourself and then you wanted to "share" yourself with him. Sounds like he's stopped "planting" the seed of his love and approval of you. He's stopped romancing you and now you just feel like everything has stopped for you. IT HAS. What you need is to talk to him about how you need something to change. Tell him exactly what you said here. If he isn't able to correct the problem (and you've got responsiblity here too!), then see a counselor. It's ok to expect your man to treat you like your special. It's his job to "love " you.
2007-10-22 02:23:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Break the pattern - both of you. You need to tell him all this. Find activities together and if possible explore a little, both of you together, in other diversive form of sexual activities too.
Right now you're both living two seperate lives, which of course can't hold up a relationship in the long run.
2007-10-22 02:11:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋