We have not told our two wonderful children yet. I have a difficult time sleeping next to him. It hurts. I really want to stay friends but it hurts too much for him to be right next to me. I hope that once all the pain is over maybe it will be better. Help! I have never gone through a separation/divorce before. When does it get easier?
2007-10-22 01:21:47 · 21 answers · asked by Marge S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband has stated that he no longer loves me and he would like to separate. To make things more difficult for me he still wants to sleep with me. I am confused and do not want to act while I am so emotional. With that said I need to help myself along by asking him to not sleep with me. We have a nice guest room so I am not asking him to sleep in a room that is not as nice as ours.
We have not agreed to divorce only to separate. My kids are 17 and 13. We are in marriage counseling. I think life can hurt and that is what I am dealing with now. I do not blame him. I am just really disappointed in the situation. I think he feels really bad and that is why he keeps trying to console me. But hugging and cuddling just sends me confusing messages since I am the one that wants it to work out. I have learned that I cannot always have what I want.
2007-10-22 12:40:40 · update #1
Merge,we all run into a domestic situation like yours at some point in our lives. I've learn the best thing to do in a situation as yours is to first, know what you want and who you want it with. Know your feelings, the situation, and the issues surrounding it and how they effect the person you are today. If there are kids involved, what effect would a separation hold on them or if they would be more productive in their life without a in-house father. Most importantly, a man should never ask a woman to free herself of the spirit G-D has given her.God bless.
2007-10-22 13:06:48 · answer #1 · answered by sabur 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will get easier once you guys are apart for a lengthy time or you have moved on but the real question is why are you seperating?
I guess my thing is nobody seems to take this for "for better or for worse till death do us part" serious anymore. This really sucks big time. I'm so tired of everyone coming into the relationships and all of a sudden they are unhappy so now they just want to up and leave. Tell the story on why and how you got to this point. Maybe there's a possibility that your marriage can be fixed. Maybe what is broken can be mended with the right counselling.
You know why it hurts? It's hurts because you still love the clutz and you want it to work but you seem to not be able to to get through to him. Maybe he's just as confused about all this just as you are and guess who gets the suffering. The kids get hurt because they have to just be pulled away from to people that they love the most.
Listen if you are fighting over abuse or him or you cheating then fine move on but I can possibly tell that you guys never had something structured. You don't spice up each others life anymore. The spice pretty much stopped when the kids popped out right?
Don't fail at your marriage. Talk it out! Work it out! Find out what the problem is and fix it. I don't know if you believe in God or not but it is a good thing to turn to him because it is plain and simple you guys need spiritual help.
If you are able to crawl into bed with this man every night and not realize that you are him could sleep on the couch or in seperate rooms then you must take notice that you are not letting go. You want to be there because if you didn't you would have already set the mattress on fire.
Find yourself and then help him find himself.
2007-10-22 08:43:42 · answer #2 · answered by level_9yo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wanting him out of your bed is not too harsh if you are no longer in love with him. Could you please tell us what happened to the marriage. Is there not a way this marriage can be fixed? How old are you kids? You say you want to be friends, most of the time, that won't happen. Sooner or later thru all of the divorce proceeding, feelings are going to get hurt and someone is going to exit the marriage mad. If you truly feel divorce is the best thing, cut your ties now and move on. It will be better for you and the children if you go on and do it and not put off the obvious. It will get easier when you move on with your life. Time cures all. . . .
2007-10-22 09:03:01 · answer #3 · answered by lucylocket7258 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have already decided to seperate, then why isn't one of you moving out? How can you be seperated if you're still living together? Until this happens, you have to approach the subject with him or he's not going to get the hint. To him, it's a place to sleep. For us women, it's more emotional. You're just at the beginning of a long road ahead of you. It will be easier if you two can seperate on good terms and not drag the kids into every argument like so many couples do. If necessary, get counseling to help you deal with the hurt. Good luck.
2007-10-22 08:43:07 · answer #4 · answered by 2Beagles 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then just come out and tell him. That It would be the best to not be sleeping in the same room..there is no nice way about it. if it bugs you so..you need to tell him...When it gets easy it just depends how the separation.or divorce some are good some are bad..separation and divorces are just not easy it the end of a commitment
2007-10-22 08:29:34 · answer #5 · answered by shayhi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is not harsh at all. You need your rest doing this time. if you are not able to sleep with him there you need to talk to him and tell him so. If you don't get your rest it will make this whole thing 20 times worse on you and the kids will see something is not right with mom. You should tell the kids soon so you can move on. The sooner the better for everyone in this matter.
2007-10-22 09:29:38 · answer #6 · answered by amscrystal76 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a divorce is not that easy I guess, I haven't been in that situation as well, but thinking of being separated with my husband is a total mess for me. He cheated me once and yet I was able to forgive him. If that's is your case, is there any chance to forgive and forget?Well just for the sake of your two children.If you cannot find forgiveness in your heart, I think he should move to another place now for you to move on without him. Tell him how you feel, sharing bed with him is now uncomfortable for you and he should leave, the sooner the better.Be strong....
2007-10-22 09:06:59 · answer #7 · answered by lizy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One day at a time! I don't think it's beyond the realm of possibility that you ask him to leave the bedroom if you are that hurt. I have a hard time sleeping next to someone who hurt me for whatever reason. The pain never goes away, it just gets easier to deal with.
2007-10-22 08:29:16 · answer #8 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's not harsh, I'm going through a divorce after 31 years, for me it will get better once I sign on the line to end this marriage. I found a support group call Divorce Care,.. here's their sight www.divorcecare.org they are a separation / divorce support group, I highly recommend them.
2007-10-22 08:38:56 · answer #9 · answered by kim t 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would want him out of my bed too. It takes a while to get easier but it will. I don't know how long. Sometimes it depends on why you are splitting and who wanted the split. It will be easier though when you are not living together and having to deal with each other everyday.
2007-10-22 08:49:18 · answer #10 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋