For the past 3 yrs or more my fiance has been into snorting cocaine. We have split up numerous times b/c of this. We have two young boys. I do not want my children living a life where their father is a drug addict. My parents did and I wont put my kids through the things I had to go through. I love my fiance more then life-he is a great man (beside the drugs).Through the week everything is GREAT! But when the weekend gets here, he will go out one night and not come home until the next day-when he does, he has spent most of his check on coke. He lies about it, but I know the truth. Every time the weekend is over he will apologize and kiss my but so hard all week long swearing that it wont happen again, and he just wants me to trust him and that he wont even go anywhere on the weekends anymore. But then the cycle repeats itself every weekend. I have kicked him out before b/c of this & he swore I did him wrong for leaving him during a hard time in his life. I cant take thia forever.
2007-10-22 01:13:48 · 15 answers · asked by Yellowtulips 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know he has good intentions and loves us dearly, but I donmt know if he will ever quit or how I can help him. I just cant live life like this, I am only 23 yrs old. I dont want to see him hurt himslef either-its very dangerous to continuoulsy use drugs. What do I do? I want to do the right thing for everyone in my family, mainly fo rmy kids. I am responsible for their happiness.
2007-10-22 01:15:37 · update #1
He needs help and thats help u can't give him... An addict is some1 that does the same thing repeatedly knowing it hurts the 1's they love. It may not be hurting u physically but mentally can be so much more worse... Tell him to either get help or ur leaving but u need to seriously leave him, u have 2 boys u need to worry about.
Good luck 2 u!
2007-10-22 01:36:48 · answer #1 · answered by NONAME 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am a former drug and alcohol addict. This is hard to say but it is the truth, the most important thing in an addicts life is their drug. It comes before their spouse, and their children. If you don't believe me...then ask yourself why he didn't buy the kids something with the money he spent on the coke. I am not one of those preachy AA or NA people. I went to rehab and then got sober on my own. I hit rock bottom. I am so very sorry you are in this situation. I have hurt my husband and daughter so badly and I am still trying to repair what I have done. I have been sober for two years. Maybe he can do the same thing. Until then, You need to let him go, or you and the kids need to leave...I promise you this is the best and only choice you have. It will only get worse. I was married at 21. Had a baby at 22. divorced at 26. remarried at 29. I now 33. Please feel free to im me or email me at shannonslv1@yahoo.com if you need further support. Please leave this situation....you don't have to think of it as the end of the relationship. Just think of it as the end until he gets well.
2007-10-22 08:32:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you cannot help him and that he has to go into rehab. This would be the only way that I would stay with him. You are responsible for the happiness of your children and I don't think that you are doing a very good job. The need to come first before the both of you. He is choosing his drug use over you and over them. I am sure that his money could be better spent on his family and their needs. Stand tough girl, rehab or get out. Tell him that all of you deserve better than you are getting. Three years is way too long to tolerate this and put the kids through it. You do not say how old they are but they could remember this forever.
2007-10-22 08:43:35 · answer #3 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I live with a recovering addict.
Unfortunately, I've learned that I can't MAKE him do anything, he has to WANT to stop. The only thing that actually made him stop was when I stopped enabling him.
Every time you kick him out, then let him move back in when he tells his little lies - THAT'S enabling him. He knows he can say whatever he thinks you want to hear, and can continue doing what he wants. I hate to say it, but you need to get tough.
I explained to my boyfriend that drugs/alcohol have no place in my life, so if they're that important to him, HE has no place in my life. I stood my ground too. That's exactly what you have to do. Tell him he's out for good the next time he does it - then FOLLOW THROUGH. Don't take his calls, do whatever it takes to make him understand you're serious.
He's got to hit his lowest point before he's going to realize he needs to do something. Sure, it'll be hard, but you have to do what's best. Either he'll get help, or he won't. Either way, your life and the lives of your children will be better.
You can also have him add you to his bank account - and then require both signatures for any wd's. This way, he can't take any money out of his bank accounts without your signature. If he can't access his money, he can't buy drugs, can he?
Friday morning, before y'all leave for work, let him know that you're changing the locks if he's more than 30 minutes late from work (and his stuff will be outside). Then DO IT.
2007-10-22 09:29:12 · answer #4 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he will get worse... =(... I know a guy whose wife left him because of his coke habit... the one day she came home from work and he sold EVERYTHING in the house to support his habit! and that was it... she filed for divorce...they didn't have kids yet thank God! This guy ended up dying at the age of 39... his mother says it was because of diabetes, but, it was the drugs which made it worse... no doctor would help him get a transplant he needed until he helped himself! so, since he would not quit the drugs, he died... =(... yes, you love him, but, he is not loving you and the kids the way he should! yes, leave... perhaps he will wake up and smell something else besides coke... like a drug rehab! and he must stay clean for at least a year if you take him back... this is a must! and he's gone all night? how do you know he's not w/ other women too? leave, see what he does... or kick him out... whichever... good luck!
2007-10-22 08:19:56 · answer #5 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that if he really does want to stop then he'll take your advice and he'll get help. The situation has clearly gotten out of hand. He needs to seek help before something aw full happens. He needs to check into a rehab centre, and when he does make it clear to him that you will support him all the way through it and tell him this is for the best. He needs to understand that he can't go on living like this. It's bad for not only him but you and your kids as well.
2007-10-22 08:26:54 · answer #6 · answered by some 1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick him out, change the locks, and do NOT take him back until he has gone through rehab. Tell him, and MEAN IT, that if he goes through rehab. and attends Narcotics Anonymous regularly, you will give him ONE more chance, and if he blows it, that's that. Cocaine is a very difficult habit to kick, and he's going to need help. But he has to want to do it. Do NOT let him guilt you into continuing to enable him. And consider attending the family arm of Narcotics Anonymous to learn how to deal with his behavior and how to protect your children from his addiction.
It is NOT your fault -- and frankly, he can cut the "for better or worse" crap, because you AREN'T married. Smart girl -- don't marry this man until he gets his head on straight.
2007-10-22 09:32:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you want to do the right thing for your family and I believe you. The problem is HE has to want this just as much. Until he does he will not change. I can imagine how painful it is to watch someone you love destroy their life, but unless he quits denying he truly has a drug addiction problem and does something about it, there is nothing you can do. You need to leave him for you risk losing your children by exposing them to this way of life. Once you leave, trust me, he will continue to convince you that he will change, don't believe him. It takes time, even months for someone to kick the habit. You will know if he has changed, not just by his words, but with action, and one week of him be sober should not convince you, he needs to be sober for months until you should be convinced. People who abuse drugs find people who will feel sorry for them and enable them. They know how to manipulate to get the other person to feel sorry for them. Stop enabling him and put more energy into giving yourself and your children a better quality of life. Best of luck to you!
2007-10-22 09:22:40 · answer #8 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless he really decides to quit that you need to dump him not only for your sake but the sake of the boys but he has to make the choice. You can help him do that by looking up a place to get him help in the link here and supporting him through the program but unless he changes you need to not only kick him out but get a restraining order to keep him away so that you are not tempted to take him back and as a lost chance of getting him to get his act together. I hope he can get help!!
2007-10-22 08:25:26 · answer #9 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get info on a rehab and when he starts kissing your butt and insists he will change hand him a form to fill out and then take him to the facility and tell him this is how he can show his family how he loves them. If he won't go then you need to cut him out of your lives, what you have been doing so far is not working and believe me it is affecting your boys.
2007-10-22 08:44:19 · answer #10 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋