Is it ok to have a friendly relationship with your exhusband?

Question

My exhusband and I are starting to now get along much better these days... The other day he called me and we had a real conversation that wasn't based around the kids. See I thought that this was a good thing (he lives in Atlanta me in Pittsburgh). Well we talked about how it has been years and the feelings are still there for each other and how that will always be (although no talk of getting back together- we are both in other relationships). He told me to listen to that new Garth Brooks song more than a memory cause it reminds him of me. I wrote him an email last night thanking him for the talk and told him I listened to the song and I agreed with the lyrics. In the email I said he was right when he said that no one will ever understand how we feel about each other. Well his girlfriend apparently has his password and read it - I had no clue. Now she is sending me emails, I want her to leave me out of their fight and tell her I don't want him. How do I do that w/o being a b*tch?

Ok first off... the whole conversation was not about how much we loved each other! THe word love never came up! All that was said was how we don't HATE each other like the EXes of the world.... jeez people! lol... It wasn't like that!

Answer 1

As a matter of fact it is good that your ex and you are getting along better. It is very good for your children to have two parents who like each other.
I would e-mail the girlfriend and just tell her that the two of you have come to be more understanding of each other but that you both have decided that being friends is all it will ever be. Be sure to mention that the children are happier with parents who talk to each other not scream at each other. After the nice e-mail if you get more b-i-t-c-h-y e-mails than go ahead and be as nasty as you want.

Answer 2

I think you both totally crossed the lines. I would NEVER sit and talk to my ex like that- unless I wanted to get back together. You both have others - I think you need to decide ---- ex husband or boyfriend.. can't have both in life. So, did I think you did the wrong thing? totally! why did you break up in the first place? remember that reason!

I feel sorry for the people you guys are with now - because they are always going to be second best. The girlfriend has a right to email you, and you act like SHE'S in the wrong-- I'm sorry- but, its not her that did wrong- it was you.... why the heck would you EMAIL him and thank him for 'the talk' unless you wanted it to go farther. you wouldn't. you are trying to make him have feelings for you again - you need to stop and think..how would YOU feel if your boyfriend now was doing this with his ex... bringing up old songs??? put yourself in somebody elses shoes.
An ex is an ex for a reason... figure out why- or else let your boyfriend..and his girlfriend move on and live a happy life without you guys. Maybe they'd be good together???

It is one thing to get along for the kids sake - the minute you start bringing up old songs--and bringing up the past - (not including children) - that is when you crossed the line.

Expect the unexpected: his girlfriend calling your boyfriend..or forwarding the email--- lets hope she doesn't know his name.

Answer 3

I do think it is both ok and healthy for x's to stay friends, especially if there are children involved. Children need to see the total opposite of what they see on TV from divorced or separated parents. I do believe that you must be careful in expressing those feelings of friendship. You may inadvertently cross the line because you have history with someone. If you are in a new relationship, you must take the feelings of you new interest into consideration. Do not cross the line-at all! You let him deal with his girlfriend because you will come across looking like and sounding like a B***H!

Answer 4

How can anyone ever understand the way you feel about eachother when it's something that you and your ex husband discuss in secrecy. Did either of you think about the other ppl involved, as you talk about feelings and 'real conversation' ? It's a fight with your ex and his g/f because he wasn't honest about his feelings. You don't want him but you do want his g/f to know that there is a bond between you and your ex. You ARE a b*tch, too late to worry about how not to be one. Bet your b/f loves hearing about how your ex'es g/f won't leave you out of their fights.

Answer 5

There's nothing wrong being friends with your ex husband, but the thing is...does both your parter at the present understand this, does your partner allow you to see him vice versa. So you see things aren't always be the way you wanted it to be. Just put yourself to your husbands present woman. Is it okey? Can you ignore it? Well, if the answer is no, then cut off the communication between you and your ex because this will cause you a lot of trouble.

Answer 6

i think it's not your fault that both of you are being nice to each other. It is better that both of you are getting along well since both of you are the parents of your children. It would be best for your kids if their parents are okay with each other.
But you should really think hard about your relationship with your ex husband. Is he really true this time with his feelings for you? you must remember that he is your "ex" that something happened before that changed your life and the lives of your children. It really doesn't matter what his current girlfriend thinks, because you are totally out of what is between them.If they are having problems and she is bothered by you, then that's their problem.
You know in your heart what you really feel for him. You can never take away the fact that you were married with him before and that you have kids...getting back with him should be thought twice because it will be a whole new level in your lives again.
Ask him what he really thinks about all this that is happening between the both of you. And that you don't want to be bothered by his girfriend. He has to talk to her, or even assure her what is really happening with both of you. You really don't need to explain anything to his girfriend, it is him that should explain to her.
Pray that both of you will be guided to what is really right for all of you.

Answer 7

I think you know much earlier in your contacts...that is was more than friendship...that's why I never believe the "just friends" thing. You let yourself get in deep and both of you are with others... I feel you led your ex on and now you say you dont want him?

His relationship is probably over--but, its not all your fault either--your ex is the other half of the situation. Since he is in Atlanta---you dont have them on your doorstep, but you do have children to consider--so, you wont have the ex out of your life entirely. I would send and email to her and tell her that the conversation with ex went too far, you are sorry, you realize it was a mistake and that you will never contact your ex again on a personal level.

Answer 8

This talk was not only good for the two of you but for your kids too. They will benefit from their parents getting along. You have a history and there is no getting around that, it doesn't mean you are getting back together. His girlfriend has other issues and they have nothing to do with you. Don't open her e - mails or try and explain things to her, that is his job. Don't add fuel to the fire either, no more e - mails to him. Good for you two on being adults and not dragging your kids on some power trip...

Answer 9

I wouldn't like it if my husband talked to his ex like that. I wouldn't like him talking about a song that reminded him of her...unless it was that Guns and Roses song....I used to love her....It would really hurt me and I would feel threatened. I think that there is nothing you can do....he has to fix this. If I got an email from my exes girlfriend like that, I would just say that I understood how she could be hurt and mad...I wouldn't blame her for feeling threatened and hating me, however I would reassure her that he loves her and doesn't want to be with me and that I didn't want to be with him.......That's what I would do. She is hurting right now and I think with a reason.

Answer 10

It exhibits you're a mature, dignified guy or woman to no longer be hateful in the direction of your ex-spouse. ok, so she has no longer enjoyed you for the final 15+ years. nicely, that won't be able to get replaced with "hate", precise? despite in case you do hate her, you refuse to act in an undignified way in front of her. If there have been greater men such as you in this international, there could be fewer ineffective ex-different halves and childrens, as that seems to be an ever-increasing effect of divorce at present, at present men are not getting divorced, they get inspite of a gun or a knife and that they even kill their very very own toddlers, Oh definite i be attentive to that girls people do it too yet you need to confess that, maximum folk of the time it relatively is the boys who kill their quickly-to-be-ex-different halves and their very very own toddlers additionally.