On the subject of choosing not to have children.?

Question

I have asked this sort of thing before, but this time it is for a term paper.

I was forced to raise a learning challenged little brother when I was too young to deal with that sort of thing. I was done parenting when I was about 10 years old. I sought, and succeeded in getting a vasectomy when I was 21.

Since then, I have been asked why I never had children, thousands of times. I have been accused of being “gay”, “communist”, "baby hater", "pervert" and so on, in the name of not wanting children around. This has been the case, even though I have dated at least a dozen women that have children over the last 20 years (since I had my vasectomy).

Of the people that know I have no children, I think I can count the number that didn’t “challenge” me (with rude questions) on my fingers. Why do you think they ask me in some “rude” manor, or label me?

The number of "challenges" have reduced in recent years. Do you think this is becuse the world has changed since 9-11?

Naturally, most, but not all, of the women, I date don't want children either. My girlfriend has no tact. This is a typical conversation for her:

New person: "So how many children do you have?"
My girlfriend: "None, just a dog".
New Person: "Oh, sorry, I can see you are a Buddhist, I didn't know you practiced abstinence. Is that difficult?".
My girlfriend: "Umm, I can see from the crucifix, that you wear, that you are Christian, does that mean you don’t use birth-control?".

Answer 1

I can feel your pain. But try being a woman who doesn't want children. I have been told I must be mentally ill because I don't want kids. Even my own mother thinks "the devil" has convinced me not to have kids (my mother is a whole new story).

At least you were able to get the sterilisation you wanted. I am 25 and have been denied 5 times for tubal ligation. I am forced to trust in the pill. The irony is that if I did get pregnant with an unwanted child, they wouldn't deny me an abortion but the reason I can't have a tubal ligation is because I HAVEN'T had kids.

I really don't think the decision to not have children being more accepted has anything to do with 9-11. I am not sure how you made than connection. True, the world has changed, but I am not sure how it affects how we view what makes a family. I think attitudes towards what makes a family has been continually changing in the last 40 or 50 years or so.

***I like your girlfriend. My bf doesn't want kids either. And we have decided that if we ever do want kids, we will adopt.

Answer 2

People are always really quick to call you out on things when they don't agree with you.

In my culture women are married young, and even though we live in America my family has been trying to get me married since I was 11. I am 24 now and get a lot of negativity because I am not what they expect.

I LOVE kids and would like to have some of my own one day. Even though I think your opinion is totally different than mine I would never say rude things, or assume bad of you.

At least your not a dead beat dad.
Your not some bilbe thumper molesting children.
99% of religeous people lead non religeous lives anyway. What do they think, that God will forgive their sins they did that week just because they attended church.

Learn what people to avoid and how deep of a conversation you have with others.

Answer 3

I understand where you are coming from with raising a handicapped brother, my 14 year old daughter is also what the professionals like to call Mildly Mentally Retarded. She has been diagnosed with other disabilities as well. Raising her poses as a challenge most of the time, but you know what, I love her more than any other parent could ever love their child. She may have several handicaps that prevent her from ever being able to do the things you and I do on a daily basis, but that doesn't bother me. I treat her as if she was like all the other children in my surrounding community. When I was younger( in my teen years) I, as well as you and so many others, didn't want to have kids, until I got pregnant unexpectedly with my son. After giving birth and seeing my son for the first time I cried, not cuz I got pregnant and had a kid when I really didn't want to, but cuz I brought such a precious form of life in to my own life to be nurtured and guided throughout his life until the day I part this earth. I was so proud of the boy I had. My daughter came 3 years later and I was just as proud to have her as I was my son. People have their views on children, but until you have your own you truly just don't know how much joy they really bring in to your life. Both my kids basically complete my world!!!! If having my two kids can change my mind and views on kids, I think it surely can you as well!!! Try it, you might just like the results that come from having your own child!!

Answer 4

I don't know the answer to your question. but I will say that I believe you did the right thing for yourself. I would rather have a person say outright they have no interest in raising children and have done something about it. I have one child and get somewhat of the same thing. Why did you raise your alone. Wasn't he lonely growing up? Comments like "only children are selfish"

Finally at the age I have gotten to I believe people are rude in general. Either they say it to your face or behind your back. Personally I'd rather it to my face if it is happening. At least I know what I am dealing with.

Those are my two cent. Not much but hey!

Answer 5

The subject of children is a very thorny one. Others are often very quick to judge. People label and are rude to you because you don't think the same as they do.

Thing is, even those who critisise your choice about not wanting kids, they probably didnt want to have kids for a while either. When you think about it, if everyone wanted to have kids, contraception would never have been invented.

I'm not sure that Sep 11 has anything to do with this topic. People have always looked down on others who are not the same.

Answer 6

I don't think it has changed in relation to this topic,people will always try to get you to conform to the norm IE if you are gay they will try to "turn you" if you dont believe in god they will try to convert you,if you want no children they will try to change your mind also if you have one child and are happy they will tell you you should have more.if you dint believe in mar rage they will try to change your mind.in other words you can not please everyone, just please yourself and don't worry about others,and maybe don't go around telling everyone your beleifs(and vasectomy) unless the topic comes up