plse help me?

Question

i cant deal with the affairs my husband had. the last affair i found out about was a year back and i still cant get over it. he is doing everything he can but still i suffer. I do not wanna divorce him

Answer 1

Try relate or counselling this may help you

Answer 2

Ok this is a really tough question to answer, but I will try.

You have to ask your self, or even him.... why? why did he have the affairs? was it something you were or were not doing?...

I will give you my experience,,,, I cheated, and so did she, but this is my half... I went out because of the rush and excitement of having the affair and the feeling I got. When I was cheating, i felt wanted,,, I did not have the same feeling with my ex. The other reason is honestly she was not giving me that love at home. This is no excuse, but a possible reason.... How does he feel at home?

Now you have to ask yourself, What can you do to change the reason he went out?

My advice is 1 you might as well get over it because, it is in the past. You have to move on, and make sure it does not happen again. 2 make being at home fun and exciting, give him something exciting and fun to come home to... do some things like plan a date,,, you go out with your friends and he goes to the bar, you dress sexy and hit and flirt with him as if you just met him,,, then let him pick you up and take you home or a to a motel... good luck

Answer 3

Hi girlie.The most important thing in any relationship is trust.You said the last affair you heard of was last year,could there have been more?Relationships recover from an affair,affairs plural is a harder road.Ask yourself if he would ever do this again,If you hesitate you have your answer girlie.Stay or leave you should consider counselling

Answer 4

divorce him .... trust is the most important part of a relationship and he's lost that .... unless he wants to take steps to ensure this doesnt happen again (i.e counselling and more communication) and he has to be understanding of how this makes u feel ... sometimes the hurt from such an act cant be healed ... things wont be the same .. unless u come to terms with it , which u probably wont then as much as u love him why should u go on the rest of ur life thinking bout him with someone else.....

Answer 5

Its a horrible situation when you desperatly want it to work. If it doesnt it feels as if it was all a waste of time and it is too hard to accept that the person you have given so much of your time to has betrayed you. In order to accept the lies you try and understand everything from your partners view and even let them convince you it was your fault in one way or another. They say anything to mend the relationship when they realise it wasnt worth it but how many promises and how many times can they come back with another excuse. It becomes less and less convincing and u torture yourself with visions of what you can only imagine went on. I wish I had the strength to have left before he did, finally in the end.

Answer 6

Try marriage counseling.
Try a temporary separation (this way you will have an idea what the divorce would be like, without actually doing the divorce thing. And you two can work on some of the issues. Your insecurity, your mistrust, his deceitfulness, he broke your heart, etc...) good luck.

Answer 7

i feel for you my husband had 2 affairs on me and the way i dealt with it was that he wouldnt never do it again and i forgived him and i talked with friends about it to get it off my chest ! and maybe if ya'll would set down and talk about it too it will help my husband talked about it why he did it and it helped me and im regaining trust back with him slowly but its getting their it takes along time to regain full trust back but if you wont youre marriage to work you have to forgive and then start working on it every day with youre husband talking about it and see what ya'll can do different where he wont do it again its been 3 years since my husband had his last affair ! it does work so i wish you good luck and true happiness

Answer 8

spend more fun times with him...not as just a husband and a wife, be friends...have fun. talk to him, doesn't matter if the topic is serious or silly...just talk to him. laugh a lot. besides, make yourself busy with some other things (for example...work on your hobbies, hang out with some friends, go shopping etc or anything you like. i mean, just get yourself busy). you may also have some counseling. go to a marriage counselor. i think he could help you a lot.

wish you all the best.

Answer 9

You say you do not want to divorce which is another way of saying that you will complain but put up with it. Your husband knows this and will continue to do whatever he wants as he knows you will never leave him so he can have his cake and eat it too. He knows he has hurt you but also knows you wont' leave. If you don't want to leave you have no other choice but to forgive and forget.

Answer 10

You need some outside help.

Find a good counsellor. You have feelings which need to be validated and the best place to do that is with an independent third party.

Good luck.

Answer 11

affairs, meaning he had more than 1? you don't want to divorce, but, you should divorce! he will do it again! =(... this kind of man will do it again... =(... I would have left him... you still suffer because you know he can't be trusted... sigh...