weve been having a lot of problems lately,hes become very distant .he becomes so cruel at times i cant understand y,(well i can, generally over somthing small that will blow up and drag on for days) it hurts so much, and i wonder how can u be so cruel to someone ure supposed to love which makes me question all the time does he even love me?as i dont hear it anymore.
he does this a lot when we are around other ppl,and its so obvious to those around us we r not happy.i find it so embarresing.i wonder y is he with me if he hates me so much.
i know men become stressed and i should be the sounding board for him, but when i have things i want to talk about they can only be discuused for a while or else it means am always depressed.i just feel i have to be happy always even wen am not.
other times hes such a sweeetty i couldnt ask for anything more and at them times i am so happy.but i think its because there is no one else there so he has to talk to me.
help plz
2007-10-21 21:24:12 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
thanks every1 for replying my head is spinning.
i have suggested councilling he says no.and mostly its to do with his mum not liking me.we argue all the time i am petrified of her.wen i met him, he was real sweet and i thought i would never be depressed again.n i understand that he gets very upset wen his mum has words with me, but i feel very alone then as hes normal with his mum though i understand he has to but with me hes distant.i am at fault too,i find it very hard to fit in to his family.they are very diff to mine, n it hurts he has nothing to do with mine,i know a girl has to mke more effort as she is married in to his family but i still have a family too.
i am not what he wanted,i feel n i just feel so stuck.but wen we are good we are very good.he doesnt show me affection,he just wants his space all the time.
i know hes not on drugs,n i dnt think hes having an affair, i satisfy him in that area.
i dread everyday after work wondering will he be in a good mood today?
2007-10-21 21:41:25 · update #1
i am working and i have a good salary so i hve earned respect from him in that way.and wen i go home i cook n do everything for him.y is it not enough...
2007-10-21 21:45:33 · update #2
i dont wana live my life without him i want him to be happy with me.i do think sumtimes he mst like sum1 else.i am better looking than him,i get told that all the time but i dnt wana give up.
anne i feel real sorry for u, thats how i feel, being humiliated infront of family.its such a worthless feeling i hate it.
he blames me for not having friends, but i cnt trust him hes lyed to me so much..i dont even know about his past properly.i know i shouldnt think of that its the past but if anything i have become so bitter i just dont want to be around him or his family..weve been together 3 years am 24
2007-10-21 21:51:29 · update #3
one thing that really pisses me off is hell be the life n soul of the party and wen its us my ourselves he goes quiet..yes i know he shouldnt hve to put up a pretence around me and has to around others but still i want to c his good side too.hes happier around others than with me..
2007-10-21 22:08:18 · update #4
I would try a couples therapist. But to me it sounds like he could be cheating on you and feels guilty so he pushes you away to make himself feel better.
2007-10-21 21:28:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poor you! My EX-husband was the same - basically a bully at times, thats what it boiled down too - he had no control over his life (cos he was an idiot) and when I finally got the courage to walk (even though at times he would be wonderful and was ALWAYS sorry the next day for being so mean) well, he suddenly thought I was the best thing since sliced bread but it was too late for me./ I found someone to love and RESPECT me for who I am, and we have been together 20 years now - when I look back to the 12 years I spent married to this waste of time, I truly regret not getting things sorted earlier. So if I were you, make a stand, tell him you are NOT going to be treated like this, you have had enough. Be strong and I hope he learns and treats you with the love and respect you deserve. I think he may have been bullied himself once, my ex had a problem with his Father in his younger days, his parents were very nice decent people but he decided to be a rebel and never got past anything else. What an idiot. And I have heard he regrets it to this day (my grown up children tell me this). I have nothing left but contempt for the way he treated me, humiliating in front of friends and family etc., cruelty, mental and physical - why should YOU have to go through this? Get some legal advice and MAKE A STAND or you will be the underdog and bullied for the rest of your life. Sorry but its true. This man needs some counselling - suggest to him you both go to Relate or somewhere like that. There is help out there if you don't wanna threaten to leave him - but please get some self respect!!
2007-10-22 04:33:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a partnership and both of you have to treat each other as the best and cherished friend.
It is the expectation of "Are you doing your best to make ME happy?" that destroys the marriage.
Ask him directly. Men occasionally have this inability to actually communicate their feelings, or thoughts on problems when the best solution is a collaboration. This is true when it comes to financial woes, they feel they have to be the man of the house and solve problems with out involving you.
There are times they feel their wives are brainless when it comes to money. Find out your husbands preference. Does he involve you by talking to you? Or he keeps everything bottled up and just snarls at you because of problems at work and the whole world in general.
If you also bring money into the family, he might treat you differently. Explore the idea of getting a job for yourself.
2007-10-22 04:38:30 · answer #3 · answered by QuiteNewHere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello luv, sounds like you have a bit of a dilemma. Sounds like You need to ask him a few questions.
Does he truly love you?
Does he like someone else?
Is he having an affair?
Is he on drugs?
This is of course if you are not being/doing what you feel he is. Other than that, if he wont talk to you and sort this out you may have to find happiness elsewhere, after all you cannot live you whole life like this. Hope this helps
Cheers
Andrew
2007-10-22 04:42:47 · answer #4 · answered by andyhosie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know where your coming from here I too am living a life little bit like yours an not having commuication makes it hard to make anything work. I find people can suffer from mood swings an if your hubby is a man that changes his mind could be a problem also.. I know it feels like he hates you an its hard to know how some people think or even if we really know them even spending yrs with people some people just arent who we sometimes think they are
2007-10-22 04:29:37 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet_mystery 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
17 Mag. this month talks about how guys acts like jerks in front of their friends. Something about being the Alpha Dog.
The Love Doc Says: " When a guy is insecure ...you may see two different versions of him... If he acts like a jerk to you in front of his buddy's don't confront him on the spot. Wait until you are alone and tell him how specific comments made you feel... Tell him it is not OK ... to put me down..."
Don't give an ultimatum that you are not ready to stand behind.
I know I wait of my man when his friends are over more than when we are just together. He gets off on it and is applicative later.
2007-10-22 04:57:48 · answer #6 · answered by tricia louis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband is the same. I went to a family counselor and she said he i s suffering from the stress imposed to him in childhood by his parents. there is fire inside him that would blow out just by anything. He is taking some class and he feels much better now. I know that it takes a lot of time.
2007-10-22 04:44:54 · answer #7 · answered by lost-in-love 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hear you, believe me most married women will agree with you, men find it really hard to communicate, not all men but after 22 years of marriage, I feel at times I am banging my head against a brick wall. put your cards on the table ask him right out, what is the matter with him, most likely he will tell you he does not know, but after a while you will have to give him a ultimatum, it is not worth the stress, if you are lucky he may go to marriage guidance............
2007-10-22 04:29:29 · answer #8 · answered by Little miss naughty 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would try counseling.......and if that does not work, demand to move out........otherwise, it seems that you are going to have to find somewhere to go.....show him that you mean business and then maybe he will realize what he has and what he stands to lose......
I am not a fan of divorce but I am also not one to be misused....You are reaching out for help and what you are being put through is not fair to you......
So, try to get counseling and if not, then I feel like you all need a chance to be on your own.......and if that does not work, YOU MAY HAVE TO BE OWN YOUR OWN.....
2007-10-22 04:47:54 · answer #9 · answered by Optimistic1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1 - cruelty is not from stress.
2 - get help for your depression (which is internalized anger.)
3 - get out before you get hurt.
4 - tell him to get help because you will not tolerate being an emotional punching bag.
5 - If you let him do it, he will. It's wrong to permit others to treat you badly.
2007-10-22 04:31:40 · answer #10 · answered by karen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋