Is this relationship right?

Question

I've been in a relationship for just under a year now and I am worried that things are going wrong.

I moved in with this girl a few months ago after I had to moved out of my own home (due to a flood). Things have been ok and we have been getting on really well.

Now, we've also been looking at buying a house together. She owns her house and I was renting. I have been really nervous about it all and we have had a few arguments where I have been saying that I am nervous and worried about it all.

We had a big argument yesterday because I was still worried. She suggested that we could take her house off the market and I said that was an idea we could consider. At that point she said that if we had to do that she would have to consider our relationship.

Now that really worried me. Things got better through the day and we're fine now. I'm just worried that having these sort of worries and problems could really push us apart.

What do you think?

Answer 1

I think she needs to calm down its barely a year and to commit so soon is a BIG deal especially for guys honestly i think if she really loves u u have nothing to worry about she'll get it eventually

Answer 2

I think the fact that you have second thoughts about buying a house together is a sign that you are not ready for that yet. Don't force yourself into anything you are not ready for because the outcome can be very detrimental. It sounds like she was very emotional when she said that she would reconsider your relationship if she took the house off the market. She's probably just bluffing. Talk to her calmly and tell her how you feel. You guys may need to postpone taking that big of a step. It's only been a year, and if your house hadn't have flood, you probably would have never moved in with her yet anyway. So take that into consideration. A few months isn't long enough to determine how a person is when you live with them. If you buy a house together it will be very hard to leave it things go sour. Just think about it.

Answer 3

I think this is all moving too soon for you and that is why you are feeling nervous and worried. Frankly I am very concerned that when you have told her about your concerns it has ended in an argument. Do you really want to be living with someone who is not listening to you? If you are worried then she should be taking your worries on board, not belittling them. What's the big rush? Why are you moving in together right now? Why not take her house off the market and wait a wee while longer? If doing that is enough to make her consider the relationshi...... well let her consider it! It doesn't sound very loving I'm afraid. Your worries are not driving you adrift, it is her forcefulness that is

Answer 4

It sounds like you clearly have cold feet about moving in together with her. Which is completely understandable if you ask me, I mean that is a big deal...for anyone to make that type of comittment with another person.
Sounds like you're not ready for it yet, and if your gut is tugging at you and telling you 'no,' then odds are you might want to listen. You two have only been together for a few months you said, that's really not that long if you think about it. Plus who is to say that you two won't break up or something in one month from now or three? Then what are you going to do? Because then you'll be locked down in a contract type of deal, and thus you'll be stuck to continue paying your share of the house payments etc. even though you two aren't together anymore.
I would say give it some more time, and tell her that if she can't accept the fact that you aren't prepared to move in with her since you two haven't been together for that long, then that is her problem.
I think it's a bit of a jump from point A to B, simply because you two still do not know each other persay, and if you're already fighting now over this...imagine what it's going to be like living with her, or rather being stuck with her.
Give it some more time to see how your realtionship goes, if you two can prove to stick it out through the good times and the bad, then move forward...but only if you feel comfortable.
**Good luck.

Answer 5

It doesn't sound like your girlfriend is really listening to what you want or how you feel. You should really try talking to her again. It sounds like you back down and let her dictate when she gets confrontational so you need to change your tactics. Instead of just muttering that your nervous, write what you want to say and the issues you're having on a peice of paper and talk to her with it in your hand. If she starts getting annoyed and confrontational, calmly tell her that you don't want to fight you just want to talk. Just keep telling her that you just want to talk and you want her to listen to you without interruppting or going off the rails. Say what you need to say then let her respond. Keep the conversation civil and polite and no matter what DO NOT enter into an argument! Ask yourself why you are nervous and explain it to her.
Your girlfriend might be freaking out as well, it's a big leap for her too you know, and when you think about it she has a lot to lose. If you're telling her that your not sure but not telling her why or not telling her the full story, she's probably freaking out wondering if she's going to sell her house only to have you turn around and say ' sorry i'm out'. You need to ask yourself if you really want to take this next step and reassure your girlfriend that whilst you're nervous, you're in it wholeheartedly and you just have a few things you need to discuss before you both go ahead.
The most important thing is to keep things calm and civil and reassure her of your intentions.

Answer 6

It sounds like she's pushing you into a commitment that you're not quite ready for. I personally don't think it's a good idea for you to buy a house together after only being together for less than a year. If she's not respecting your concerns and is threatening to break up with you because you're having second thoughts, she's not a very good girlfriend and you should consider the relationship yourself. It's not like it's a surprise that you're having concerns all of a sudden, she has just refused to listen to them in the past.

Answer 7

I think this argument was a warning sign. She's pushing for commitment, and you're not sure you're quite on the same sheet of music yet. Do not get pushed into something you cannot whole-heartedly embrace. It's better to be honest about your reservations now than to buy a house together and then want to back out. Be prepared for the possibility that she may break up with you though if her gentle nudging (read: blackmailing) is unsuccessful.

Answer 8

material things are part of our worries. We work hard to achieve more and instead of it encouraging us, it gives us more problems. Move into any relationship without worries, life is short so live it with the reality that worries are part of life. Now for the house, just save for it and when you guys can get one using your joint income, then do so. Don't be burdened by possibilities. If you guys love each other without material dependence, then don't worry coz love will always find a way to solve petty problems. Now if the love you have is base on money, then that will end faster than it started.

Answer 9

This is a tricky one. Getting a house together is a huge commitment.

Are you engaged? If not why would you consider buying a house with a girl if you are not planning on being married? I ask this nly because from experince with miving in with someone too soon, it caused a lot of problems, and made our relationship stagnant.

If you are not ready to commit to her, you should definately not buy a house together. I f you aren't engaged, maybe you should ask yourself why. If you are living together now, why wouldn't you want a stronger commitment?

Those are important questions to ask yourself before you go any further.

Answer 10

Some advice if u have ur doubts or worries..

A relationship that is right.. or is going to work long term.. should be smooth as glass.. in the beginning.. after marriage problems pop up.. bcuz of financial.. and kids.. but if u have to stress out over the house, car, rings, in the beginning.. u don't have a lot to look forward too.. except bills...

Answer 11

Stop worrying. Worrying and fretting never got anyone anywhere. It just paralyses people.

What you need to do is take some time to write down the pros and cons of buying a home with her. Which list is longer?

Then, make a decision. It's either "I love you and I don't want a buy a home with you" or it's "I love you and we're going to buy a home together."

At the heart of this is commitment. Maybe she thinks you aren't committed to her if you don't buy a property with her?

Just talk to her. Get her point of view. Make your views heard. Make decisions. Stop worrying.

Good luck.