When I was I young fell in love, we were together for 2 years then he left for the military and I stayed behind. I never stopped loving him and have thought about him every day for 14 yrs. In the mean time I met a wonderful man and we are now married. I found out that the man who I let go has moved back. I thought I could seperate myself from these feelings so I went to see him, I felt like I had to. I couldn't think straight. When I saw him and looked into his eyes my heart ached and felt the connection that obviously had never gone away. Now I am torn between my vows, my husband , who hasn't done anything wrong except not be this man, and my 1st love. I don't condone infedelity but now I am living it. I haven't physically cheated, but emotionally I have. When I am with him the world goes away and when I return to my life I am sick,guilty& sad. Do I stay in my marriage & think about this man until the day I die or do I break my husbands heart and miss him. I love them both. Help!
2007-10-21 19:08:16 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Stay away from the other man...period. You cannot even be friends with him. The more time you spend with the other man, the more faults you will find with your husband. Spend the time you spend cheating, thinking about or doing things with your husband. Honor your vows.
2007-10-22 01:16:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just as a quick reminder that we ALL will ALWAYS have that something special for the first love in our life. With this in mind you can feel that your situation is more normal than you may think.
If you were to leave your husband for your first love, you may be extremely disappointed in who he really has become. Then where would you be?
Love is a weird thing.... give it a lot of thought before you ACT on anything..... Ultimately... you know what will make you happy for the rest of your life. Good luck!
2007-10-22 03:28:41 · answer #2 · answered by think about that~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made a commitment to your husband and I think you and I both know that you need to stick to it. It is a difficult thing to deal with and you're not wrong in feeling the way you do. The best thing to do is separate yourself from your friend... you're going to get hurt if you keep this going. If you feel that you cannot be friends with this other man without a romantic interest, you shouldn't be friends at all.
I know it sucks, hun, but marriage is sacred! You do love your hubby, right?
Also, remember to separate fantasy/lust from real life marriage. You know that marriage is difficult. While you feel completely taken over by this other man and an intense chemistry, that kind of thing doesn't last forever.
2007-10-22 02:35:01 · answer #3 · answered by Cochy 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Oh and in 14 years you and he haven't changed at all?? Your husband should kick you to the curb. Why did you marry someone else if yo uthink about this one all the time? You know this makes me physically sick. Go ahead and leave you husband so this slime goon can charm you for a month or so and probably beat you the rest of your life (I don't wish that on you, but how do you know he won't?). You don't love either of them.
2007-10-22 03:12:24 · answer #4 · answered by kttphoenix 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in this situation.
I was with my highschool sweetheart for 2 years. totally in love with him. he left to college..we never officially broke it off--or fought - we went our seperate ways(college in another state) --- we both married others--knowing we still loved each other. I met a guy that was really nice. (no, i did not love him like my first love - but, I figured there would never be anybody that I could feel that way about again) ... I was married for 12 years. then, me and my ex started talking. I thought about him daily. well - to make a long story short..
the decision was this. Do you want to live the next 50 years unhappy - and wishing and wanting - or do you want to let you husband now move on and find somebody that truly loves him. and you can be with somebody that you truely love.
but- you are in a diff situation then me..because you said you love them both... I didn't.
2007-10-22 10:37:27 · answer #5 · answered by ★★★ Katharine ♥♥♥♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe you fall in or out of love. Love is a decision you make.
People say "I can't help who I love." Stop lying to yourself, you can. It's called sefl control.
When you got married you stoped living, thinking and doing for just your self.
Your husband loves you and he deserves all of you love too.
I think you should ask your husband to forgive you for emotionally cheating on him.
2007-10-22 02:37:35 · answer #6 · answered by wxyz 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i surely identify with your situation, from experience. so, i would have to answer with this: emotional is one thing, but when it comes to physical, it is deffinately bad on the brain, leaving you confused & maybe having to turn to antidepressants. thinking of him can't bust up a marriage, but acting on it can. pray about it, & try to figure out what's most important. besides, if you left your husband for this man; then how do know that this man would be there for you in the long run?
2007-10-22 02:50:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sardine thinks now that you're married you made a promise and gave him your word. You have to keep contact with your first love, but let go slowly. Everyone knows it's not easy to let go of your first love. Stay committed to your husband and remind yourself what you love about him that made you want to marry him.
Love Sweet Sardine
2007-10-22 02:17:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Everyone has different likes and dislikes, there is no definitive right or wrong or god or bad when it comes to emotion. And if your afraid to share your deepest feeling with your mate it is because of the negative reaction you may get and you will get one, and you can love both, but is it really fair to the other?
2007-10-22 02:35:06 · answer #9 · answered by flannelpajamas1 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You married him for many reasons and that's where you belong, with your husband.
2007-10-22 02:27:20 · answer #10 · answered by Wutz it worth 2 ya? 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋