I'm gay....should I tell my parents?Friends?

Question

Im gay and fifteen. I have come to accept this but I feel like I should tell my family now that Im seeing a guy(he doesnt like being "hidden") but im afraid. My family is pretty stressed right now as it is, my twin brother has all kinds of problems (drugs, alchohol, temper,) and now got some tramp pregnant. Needless to say it didnt go over very well with my dad. My mom was pretty cool (she generally is) but dad yelled and made all kinds of threats and whatnot. Im afraind of him doing the same (if not worse) to me. I dont want to keep this hidden from my family but am afriad. help?

My mother once told me that she had been "curious" a few times so she has nothing against gays obviously. My dad on the other hand makes gay jokes and is also a southern baptist (anti gay)

Answer 1

Honestly, I'd hold out for a while, for several reasons
-First of all, why do they need to know right now? Do straight people feel the need to say, "Well I like blondes over brunettes" or tell their family about every one of their romantic partners? Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. Gay people tend to use their sexuality as an identity. Something you should always remember is that there are millions of gay people, and only one you. Gay is not who you are, it's who you sleep with. Of course it's best to be honest if asked and not make it a huge secret, but your sexual preference is your business and it should be completely your choice to tell anyone that you think needs to know. It's a smaller deal than you think. It's who you are attracted to, not the core of your being and personality.

-You don't sound ready, and your family doesn't sound like they will be in the best shape to hear it. Be unselfish, think of them, and wait.

-If whoever you are seeing doesn't understand that you are a private young man, are not ready, and are having a hard time with the family as it is, he is not being very supportive of you. Tell him that you aren't ashamed, that you just don't think it's their business or that it's the best time. He should not make your life a pride thing for him.

-Your dad will probably flip, tell the mom first when you do and secure her support.

-The most dubious reason I have is that you are 15. Not to doubt you, I don't know you, but...well...are you sure? Many people experiment either at your age or in college. In high school, I knew a lot of people that were "gay" for a while, but then they "grew out of it". Sometimes people don't feel like they fit in with others of their gender. They are maybe more artistic, or "feminine", or they don't make "normal" friends as easily. I like these people best personally, but it can be hard for them. Sometimes people find acceptance and a sense of self in the gay community, going so far as to use it as a mask or a shield against life. If you are looking for love here, but aren't QUITE sure, it might still be a time to explore your options. If you are sure that it isn't a phase, if there is no doubt, alright then. But if you aren't certain, don't come out of the closet yet. You are so young! I didn't know my tail from my head at 15, and I was considered "an old soul". If any of this kinda sounds like you, make sure this isn't just a refuge from pain and instability in your life. That's looking for love in all the wrong places. Romantic love/sex is nice, but it's not all you need, and it doesn't complete you. If you're trying to fill a hole, you're like the little kid trying to put the square peg into the round hole of his puzzle. Give it a few years, and some thought.

- You are a minor and can be controlled by your parents. Your life is not yet your own. Wait until you are a legal adult and have the right to make your own decisions.

-I don't recommend sex in high school for anyone, gay or straight. It hardly ever becomes a fondly remembered experience.

- I realize that the majority of the people in this country has some ties to a faith of some kind, and that most of them view homosexuality as a negative thing. I honestly don't know what I think about this controversial subject, but I have decided that it's not my business, because I haven't been called to make that decision, I've been called to love and accept others unconditionally. So, for me, who cares? But if your parents need to read something pro-gay from a Christian point of view, I'd recommend this pamphlet.
http://www.soulforce.org/pdf/whatthebiblesays.pdf
It got me from certified homophobe to, well, what you're reading now. If your parents are into the Bible, maybe it can help you guys too.

-Good luck, lotsa love/positive energy/prayers coming your way. Be honest and real, but know when it's TMI.

Answer 2

Hey there buddy!

From personal experience…
I wish I would have told my friends and family at a much younger age that I was a homosexual. On my 21st birthday I came out to everyone, I am now almost 26.

Family…
Be prepared and have a plan set before going through with anything in life. Before telling my mother, I made sure I had a place to go if I was asked to leave the house.
Every person is in a different personal environment and live with people that will react different ways. Try and remember that no matter how your family reacts, they are still your family. Do not drop to a level of ignorance if they do not understand you and your lifestyle. Make the effort that your family might lack, this will help you in the future. I also come from a southern Baptist family. I told my mother first, she was devastated! I thought if anyone would understand it would be her. The last person I told was my father, he was very accepting of everything. Most of my family accepted me, other members of my family still don’t even talk to me.

Friends…
When I told my best friend I was gay, he befriended me, still to this day I have not heard from him. After telling friends, some of them turned their back, never returned my messages and acted like I never existed. You might lose friends, but in time others will come into your life with more acceptance and love to give then ever before.

Finally…
Do not let anyone try and convince you that you have a problem or that your lifestyle is wrong! Do not let friends or family pressure you into revealing personal feelings if you are not ready! Do not let anyone get you down! Do not be afraid of life! Do not have regrets! Do not worry what other people think!

Love without reason and treat people how you want to be treated… Do what you need to do when you know the time is right!

-Billy V.

Answer 3

Think of it like this: even if you were straight, this isn't a good time to bring new relationships into the family.

So try to be generous and keep a low profile for a little while. Maybe you can introduce this guy as a friend. Explain that there is already too much going on to discuss new relationships with them.

By the way, aren't you being quite serious all of a sudden? I had lots of relationships that my parents were never included on.

Answer 4

1. I found out today that I have to pay for my first semester of college out of pocket. 2. I'm not sure if I'm going to break up with my boyfriend. 3. I still haven't found suitable full time employment yet.

Answer 5

This is a tough decision to make and, ultimately, only you will know if and when you should tell your parents. But Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians & Gays (PFLAG), an organization with chapters all over the U.S., offers some tips.

PFLAG says many gay teens who come out to their parents feel closer to them afterward because the relationship is more honest. They feel relieved not to be keeping so huge a secret anymore.

But, sometimes, parents aren’t so understanding. They force their teens to leave home. Some get abusive. And, some family relationships are never the same.

Before you come out to your parents, think about a few things.

* How do your parents react to gays in general? Listen to what they say about homosexuals and ask some indirect questions.
* Do they have gay friends?
* Do they read books or go to movies that include gay
relationships?
* Does their religion accept gays?
* Have you heard them say negative things about gays?

And think about your relationship with your parents.

* Do they show love for you even when they’re mad at you?
* Are they supportive of you, even when you do things they don’t like?

Honestly answering these questions should help you gauge your parents’ reaction to telling them you’re gay.

If you think they will take it so bad they might throw you out of the house, then don’t tell them until you have a safe place to stay. You might even decide never to tell them because they wouldn’t understand.

Trust your gut. It’s normal to be scared to tell your parents, but if you’re terrified, then hold off until you feel more comfortable.
Before you come out to your parents, it’s a good idea to contact PFLAG to talk to counselors and other families who have already gone through the process.
Visit www.pflag.org for more information or to find a local group.

My own son is gay, and I am still sad over the fact, because I see it as a major handicap in our sociality. He is my son, and I love him, thank God he is not a pedifile.

Answer 6

Tell your mom and not your dad. Your mom seems to be way more accepting and understanding. Or you could get your mom to tell your dad for you. Maybe she can calm him down once he hears the news. If your gay and your not ashamed tell everyone. Your partner would not be happy if you kept it a secret. You know society is a lot more accepting of gay people than they used to be. One of my cousins is gay and no one cares, it doesnt change who he is as a person.

Answer 7

Why don't you tell your Mom to start with. It sounds like you REALLY want to come out. It'll be like a big load off your shoulders! You'll feel so much better. 1 in 10 males are gay. It's no big deal these days! You and your b/f should come out to your friends too. What a load off that will be!!

Start with your Mom. She sounds like a cool lady. She'll know best how to handle your father. And she'll advise you about your b/f and your friends. You have to get this off your chest, and now is the time. Good luck, hon! :)

Answer 8

Don't come out until you have moved out. Tell this girl you won't marry her. She shouldn't take it too hard if she's a tramp but she may expect you to be in the baby's life unless you can convince her to not disclose your identity. She'd be doing herself a favor in a way. Tell everyone you just don't want to date for a while. If this guy wants to keep you, he may have to only be open about your relationship while you are out of town or in disguise so no one finds out. Then, when you finally get free, you can do anything you want and your family won't have any say about it. Find the means to support yourselves and move in together. You probably know a friend that can be respectful, discreet and supportive. That's the only friend you can tell for now. It would just be better if everyone else found out after you are more secure.

Answer 9

Well, first of all, don't do it just because your friend likes to live on the outside.

I think that of course you should tell your parents, but maybe wait until things have had a chance to cool down from your brother's mess.

If your friend cares about you he will understand the reasoning behind it and wait for the right time.

Best of luck to you. I hope your dad doesn't get too nasty with you. You don't deserve it.

Answer 10

I am in the same problem. But i am 17 and no one know but a few friends. I would wait if i was you untill i turned 18. That would be the best time or whenever you are ready.