hopeless wife, please help.?

Question

my wife wants new car, wants to raom around and travel, wants to eat always outside, watch movies in theathres, wants to always shop. she keeps nagging me for nothing, she is abusive. i have a 9 yrold daughter from her. she is not taking any responsibilty of daughter and keep pampering her too. i get my child ready for school and keep slogging for all my child's requirements. my wife is not interested in any household stuff. if i tell her she turns voilent. i have asked her to leave but she says, she will not leave, she tells me that she will acusse me of emotional abuse and call the police. she is uncorrigible and is not willing to mend her ways. child is also suffering in this tussle. i m under psychatric care and dumped with tranqiullisers. how to tackle this kind of deadly dangerous and criominal woman as my child loves both of us. i m very much confused. pl help

Answer 1

pray to god that you get rid of her. these kind of people are born to suck. stay there for your daughter, for god's sake

Answer 2

It sounds like you really are stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand you are wanting to keep your family together and on the other hand you know it's hurting everyone involved trying to do just that. Dealing with an abusive person is never easy and sometimes you only notice the abuse after it is too late.

My daughter's father was abusive toward me. Never physically but always emotionally. I had to do what he said, in the manner he deemed appropriate, when he asked and not a second later because if i didn't it meant i obviously didn't care enough about him. He had me thinking i was worth nothing without him in no time. At first i just accepted it, i loved him, but when i started noticing little things that showed the toll it was taking on my life and the lives of those around me i had to stop.

Do you have somewhere you could go for a while with your daughter? You have asked your wife to leave and she has refused so i suggest you give her a stronger message that something isn't right. Even if it is just for a few days or a week you need to get yourself and your daughter out of that place so that you can think clearly without feeling pressure from your wife to think/feel/do something that you aren't entirely comfortable with. Your parents perhaps?

You also need to mention this to your Psyc doctor. They know you and will be able to help if you haven't mentioned it before. Maybe tell them before you decide to stay a few days elsewhere. That way a medical proffessional knows what is going on and if your wife does call the police and accuse you of abuse you have someone reliable in the eyes of the law to back you up.

Your Psyc doctor will probably then refer you to a councellor or mediator. It's best to get a medical referral for this rather than looking one up so that you get an unbiased mediator. Plus you get the added benefit of the mediator knowing the history of your situation in writing from the doctor rather than having to relive the whole ordeal every time you see someone new.

Good luck with it all. Take some time out for yourself so that you can clearly find out what it is you need and want from this situation and find someone independant who can help you to stop the bullying. Otherwise it won't stop because putting your argument towards an abusive person will always make you cower away losing more of the little you had.

Hang in there, if not for yourself - for your daughter

Answer 3

Consult a lawyer. First consultations are normally free with most. You are in a no win situation. You need to get away from her with your child so the child isn't ruined by the wife's behavior. Your daughter may even pick up that it's "ok" to treat men like this. Do it for your sanity, darlin'. Nothing is worse than staying in a bad relationship. Not the kids, nothing. In the meanwhile, document things, take pics of the house if she's not maintaining it, etc. The better you build your case before she knows about it, the better it will go for you. Good luck. I wish you well.

Answer 4

Ask her what she wants. Why can't she have a car, eat outside or go to movies?
Tell her what she needs to do to get you to let her live the way she wants to live. If she is pampering your child then she isn't too bad a parent so maybe you can find out how to fix this.
Maybe talking to a mediator with her to deal on how you decide things as a teem.
She may just be disappointed that you aren't living better after being married so long.

Answer 5

A real woman doesn't have unreasonable boundaries. A woman doesn't make you feel bad. A real woman wants to have a solid, sharing, committed relationship, and she has a lifestyle that reflects her ability to form permanent attachment, It seems to me the she is trying to manipulate or use you. And she could be supportive without being controlling, And I think you want to feel happy and fulfilled and you want to help her. As for the child this isn't fair to her, and I understand that she loves you both, but really this is unfair to her, Tell your wife we have to have a realistic lifestyle. and realistic goals and values and your no living up to your share of the responsibilities. I am willing to help with the laundry, making the beds and cooking dinner once in awhile but you need to do your share. I am not sure if this will work, but think of your daughter I know you love you wife because she is the mother of your child but actually the child is going to have to come first in this case.

Answer 6

If this is affecting your child, you need to get out of that marriage. She has no prove you emotionally abuse her. Start saving receipts from all the things she demands. You can take her to court- but she might get the daughter on account of you not being emotionally stable (tranquillisers dont look good in the court room.) Pull yourself together and cut off your wife's resources. Your main concern is your daughter- be there for her.

Answer 7

You don't want to lose your family and that's the one thing you work so hard for.
Well, a lazy twit is a lazy twit. She is not about to change as un grateful does not change. Beating your head against a wall won't change a lifeless slob.
Go see a great marriage counselor together.
If this does not work, get the lawyer that is with out mercy or scruples.= (average for lawyers)
nice does not work with lazy twits.
But try nice and reasonable first. If for no other reason than to prove me right about lazy no self supporting twits.

Answer 8

Holy...Crap. This is not a healthy environment for your daughter nor for you ..You need to leave. Your daughter is old enough to talk about her mothers behavior. When she abuses you CALL the police, get a restraining order..Your daughter will be severely damaged for the rest of her life if you do not do anything!!

Answer 9

There's this thing called enabling. It's when, by your actions, you allow someone close to you to get away with behavior that you don't want to encourage.

You're putting up with this - and granted, if you're doing it for your child that's a pretty compelling reason. But if you want out you've got to make plans to get out. If she's turning violent, perhaps a spousal abuse hotline could help you.

Stop giving her what she wants if you're not getting what you want.

Answer 10

It sounds like your wife is bi-polar . Overspending and compulsive spending, selective responsibility, argumentative with violent overtures, emotionally abusive, inability to change destructive habits, single minded focus, filthy household caretaker, excellent memories; all are symthoms. Unless she gets help, councelling and pharmaseutically treated, I'd suggest you take your child and disapear from her life.

Answer 11

You've asked her to leave? What kind of solution is that when you want out of a marriage? YOU get up off your butt and leave, and take your daughter with you.