I have read a lot on here lately and my story is a little different. I have been married 27 years! We had 2 children. I had always been extremely close to my kids. My daughter is married with her own kids. My son passed away 4 years ago at 18 y.o. It has cause a lot of depression for me and more so than her. I have been and she has been to counseling.
My counselors have learned that I have never been in love with my wife and had been married to my kids for this long. I gave her a friendship ring in college and she took it as an engagement ring. I never wanted to hurt her so I went with it. Now that I am 50, I just cannot feel comfortable to her. She also knows that I love her but never have been in love with her. I have tried all kinds of things to bring us closer but nothing works. She is in one room and I am in the other. Any advice? Thanks.
2007-10-21 17:42:37 · 8 answers · asked by bergrund 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry to hear about your son. You really are in a sticky situation. However, I wonder,,,,,,,,,,,,,if you have never been in love with her, why did you stay so long? Something must have been right somewhere.Starting over at this time in your life I would think would be horrible and scary. If you've held on this long why give up now!
2007-10-21 17:55:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your 50,& say you've never been in love with your wife,but you do love her,& she knows it.You have a daughter & grandchildren,so what's the problem.Many couples marry for different reasons,but most eventually segway into a less than romantic marriage because of boredom.Both people need to make an effort to keep things pleasant & consider the other persons feelings at all times.I've been married 3 times & hope you'll pay attention.Each man was good & kind,& butboth became complacent & the marriage slid away & we divorced.We didn't try hard enough & had the same problem over & over.This time I see more clearly & married a man who is a friend,& lover that I respect,& he treats me as I deserve,& we want it to remain on this level.You can change things if you want to.You can have a talk with your wife,& decide to make it work,not for your daughter,but for yourselves.Whatever you decide,think before you leap...(I wonder if the loss of your son has left you so depressed that you need more counseling?)You have 27 years of your lives invested in this other person.It's almost impossible to turn things around,once the "D" word is spoken...Best of luck
2007-10-22 01:15:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is sad - true love is far more valuable than being "in love." The sacrifices you've made, the memories you've created together have built a relationship between you. If you had kids and you said the words I do - then ok there must have been something in you that wanted this. Well, most men I know who choose to get out for cop out reasons like this just end up those depressed angry old folks where noboby goes to visit them in their old age and they become completely miserable from hurting everyone around them. Just ask my dad. You don't know what love really is. You can't say you love her but aren't "in love." 40 years ago - it was normal for married couples to move into separate rooms. Once you get to a certain age you really are married in large part for the security and in part to thank them for what they have given you all of their lives. You're having a midlife crisis but you're not a young guy anymore. You need to readjust your thinking on this - if she didn't marry you could be alone with no family at all. A commitment for 27 years and you can't hold on for the 10-15 more that you've probably got? Life is too short to be so petty and to behave like you're invincible. I think you should re-think this one before you end up completely miserable.
2007-10-22 00:54:24 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 48 years into my marriage. It's not as exciting as it was the first 30 years, but I could never leave her. Now that you have so much time invested you would be better off staying were you are. Then again in your situation you might want to try a short seperation.
There is a chance you might find a lady that will make you happier, but I doubt it. You won't ever find one that has the same qualities that your first choice has. You will be exchanging one set of troubles for a different set of problems. Not better just different.
2007-10-22 03:59:13 · answer #4 · answered by Harry Laborde 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hullo, u can separate at any age,but then who will u find at this age and what guarantee that it will be the right choice. If u have stayed together for so long there must be more to it than kids i guess, Maybe u both did not take out time to discover each other. U both have to find answers to that, howsoever many advices u get. Follow ur mind at this juncture of life and not the heart. My best wishes to both of u.
2007-10-22 00:53:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sorry for what you are going throught but you need to be honest with your self and her, if you truly dont feel that you can
be in the marriage especially since you have made it clear'
that you never really love her, then you need to let go,you need'
to make your self happy. and staying in a unhappy marriage
is not good for any one. time to let go. after 27 years you
really should have been gone if you truly feel this way.
2007-10-22 00:52:42 · answer #6 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Arew you guys un happy do you get along? If the ans are no then you need to get a life.... If you do get along then you should try church... Good luck and God bless Grant M in Pennsylvania
2007-10-22 00:49:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
http://www.familylife.com/
www.laughyourway.com
these are 2 marriage conferences I've been to and they are both good and very different from each other. the laugh your way conference is more oriented to men than the other.
2007-10-22 00:57:35 · answer #8 · answered by art_flood 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋