I've been divorced for almost 5 years and have been going out with a great guy for almost 1 and a half years. Everything is very good with him. We're compatible, have the same values, our kids get along, we're both in our 40s and had a similar failed marriage situation. Somehow, even though I know he's the one (and he's told me the same), I feel worried about marrying again. I'm not normally a pessimistic person but I find myself feeling very cynical towards marriage. I am from a family of happy married siblings and parents and have seen many healthy examples of marriage. I have also seen my share of failed marriages in couples that I thought would never get to that point.
Can anyone help me to see the idea of marriage in a more positive manner? I saw a counsellor for a short time who listened and only justified my feelings are totally reasonable.
I see myself as a positive person with a lot of friends but would like some advice.
2007-10-21 17:36:51 · 11 answers · asked by happywhereIam 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Of course, marriage CAN be good. That doesn't mean that it always is. Hard work, honest communication, and abiding love can see you through the rough spots.
If you are in a positive relationship now, enjoy it. And remember that a piece of paper can't destroy that (likewise, if you were in a negative relationship, the piece of paper would not magically make everything better!).
Like any good relationship, a marriage requires several things - including commitment, communication, love, respect, and hard work. Being committed to the other person requires that you be willing to stick it out even when things get difficult (and the other person must also be committed to the relationship). All relationships have ups and downs. Weathering the storm together builds strength in the marriage and increases your confidence that your spouse is really in it for the long haul.
One thing to keep in mind is that a marriage grows and changes over time. If a couple is willing to work to develop and maintain a positive relationship, the initial excitement of new love can mature into a deeply caring, loving relationship.
It is easy to look back on a failed marriage and blame the institution of marriage. Just because your previous marriage wasn't successful, doesn't mean that you can't have a wonderful marriage in the future.
Because you have your reservations about marriage, take things slowly. Enjoy and nurture the relationship. You should never rush into marriage because you think you SHOULD be married. There is nothing wrong with NOT being married, while still being in a loving and committed relationship. Most of all, talk with your significant other about your fears and concerns. Being able to communicate honestly is important.
Remember, too, that no one enters into a marriage completely without fear. The trick is to have your spouse at your side, ready to face your fears together.
2007-10-21 18:04:47 · answer #1 · answered by Geni T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See, the trouble with the "Well, a brother and sister living co-dependently could enjoy the same benefits" implies that no two straight people have *ever* abused the marriage system when they weren't in a romantic relationship. But a sibling couple doing so would still be legally "married"; they would not then, in turn, be allowed to marry anyone they were actually romantically interested in without dissolving that partnership, with all the legal problems a divorce can cause. I mean, I suppose if a brother/sister pair (or brother/brother or sister/sister, were gay marriage legal) wanted to enter into a lifelong, non-romantic legal partnership, sure, they could conceivably demand they be granted marriage rights. But such partnerships would be rather few and far between, as I think the social stigma of demanding you be allowed to marry your sister would probably suppress that group. A more pertinent question would be on how to handle the number of participants in a marriage. If marriage is opened up from where it is now, then there's the question about whether polyamorous unions should be legally recognized. And if we then expanded marriage to allow, say, 4 members, then what about polygamists who feel socially ostracized because they have a 5-way relationship? Polygamists and brothers wanting to marry their sisters, however, constitute a tiny, tiny fraction of American society. Homosexuals, while still a minority, number far greater. Opening up marriage to same-sex couples, I believe, is a way to grant these romantic pairings the same legal rights that are currently enjoyed via similar partnerships, while minimizing the change to the overall system. Sure, the "slippery slope" argument can still be applied, but just because opening up marriage to homosexuals might open up a bigger can of worms doesn't mean it isn't a good and right thing to do.
2016-04-09 21:08:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what the difference between married couples and unmarried couples is?
The willingness to stay together even when things aren't great.
That is what marriage is.
When two people get married they say: "For better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health--forsaking all others til death..."
Why would two people--like you and your b/f not get married? Because they don't want to promise "for the worse, for the poorer, for the sickness, forsaking all others..."
You see, I think that people make the mistake of thinking that marriage is somehow responsible for making one happy or unhappy...it's silly, really. Being happy is a person's choice..you make your marriage work, you decide to be happy and stick together no matter what...
AND it's not always great...sometimes you find out that your husband is bad with money...or your wife has post-partum depression...but you know what? You deal with it--why? Because that is what you promised, and you know that the other person would deal with it with you if the shoe was on the other foot....
AND what's more, when you get through the bad things together, you find that you are closer than ever...and you can realize that your spouse is so much more than a lover, so much more than a romantic interest...but a best friend, a partner for life....
But you have to be willing to get through the hard parts together. You have to be willing to look towards the future together, at the beginning of your marriage and realize that the way you feel right now will not always be the way you feel, but the good...over the course of your life...will outweigh the bad....and you will end up with a bond unmatched by any other partnership created in humanity....a bond of choice...
Marriage is what you make of it. There is hope for marriage, as long as we rememeber that we are in the driver's seat...we are in control of our own destiny...and a good life requires hard work...
2007-10-21 18:25:52 · answer #3 · answered by joellemoe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well , I see nothing wrong with Marring him if you love him and trust him !Your just scared it won't work out after the marriage but you have to put your past behind you and not worry about it ! Life is a chance and marrying him is a chance also, nothing has a grauntee in Life, you just live your life the way you want to and do what makes you happy in the Now! Yes it's a chance but sometimes a Chance worth taking! Wouldn't you say? when you love some one and they love you it's worth it and If it fails at least you tryed and what if it all worked out? You'll never know until you try! Don't put off your happiness because of worrying about the what If"s !! Trust me! Life is short ! If you feel strong about loving him and he loving you and yo both want it, why not? And who ever saids a peice of paper doesn't matter i think it does, it means a whole lot more to me!!! It's more of a bond and belonging to each other like it's meant to be !! yes some Marriages fail but, thats Life ! You can't base your Life or Getting Married on someone else's Marriage that didn't work out ! Yours could! So is it worth the chance or not? thats really all you need to think about, not all the other stuff that doesn't matter ! just ask your self that question!
2007-10-21 17:55:30 · answer #4 · answered by monkeymomma46 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello i am 25 years old i got married when i was 18 everyone said that we would never make it and this is what i told them {i will take my chances} and i did and we have been married almost 7 years. i love my husband very much and we get along most of the time. you will not find a perfect couple. so if you care about this man and if he cares about you then don't let your past experience hold you back every man is different. and if you have to put it off for a while till you can get your mind made up best of luck and wish you the best.
2007-10-21 17:45:37 · answer #5 · answered by dontknow 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have a good reason to be cautiuos. but it sounds like you really want to try marriage again. you guys care for each other and your kids get along. why not? my dad and step-mom were both divorced and independent afterwords. They've been married for like 15 or so years now. It is possible you know
2007-10-21 17:43:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Married twice, I would never do it again. You can have a great relationship without the signed paper. Love is more than a ceremony, and a marriage license
2007-10-21 17:42:04 · answer #7 · answered by PJ 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Marriage is a gamble. It is worth trying again. This time, you should be wiser in choosing the right man. If you think he is the one, go for it. Love is lovelier, the second time around.
2007-10-21 17:44:12 · answer #8 · answered by Belen 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
marriage is beautiful it's the people that takes vows for granted and just words that make it so ugly.but i will be honest with you only God can show you how to keep one happy and successful by teaching you true love,devotion,patience,forgiveness,comittment and to understand inperfections.a spiritual relationship allows you to see the true beauty of marriage,because Gods married to you,so treat your earthly spouse as God treats you
2007-10-21 18:56:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can the PowerBall be won? Realistically speaking?
2007-10-21 18:16:37 · answer #10 · answered by lovinglifeina69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋