I need feedback from the woman who have had this problem and how they overcame it and fixed it.?

Question

I am having a big problem with being permiscuious and initiating sex with my husband. I love him and we have no other problems in the bedroom or talking or communicating. We are best friends and have a good marriage. I'm just so uncomfortable starting with him or acting on any kind of thought. I can not bring myself to be the one to start anything and he is so tired of having to be the one to allways initiate it. I think about things I could and want to do with, for or to him to start it, but how do I get comfortable about doing anything about it and get out of this shell. I only started feeling this way for the past couple years. What's wierd is I use to be the opposite when I was younger. I am 38. I feel imberrest to open up to him like wearing a sexy teddy or sexy bed clothes or anything like that also and I should'nt. I am thin and he loves my long hair and says he is happy with me and how I look. If you went through this and were able to change, how did you? I need to fix this.

Answer 1

I was like that for years but my problem was do to something that happened to me when i was a little girl plus all the s h i t parents put in your head about your body. I grew up hearing from my grandmother and my mother how bad and dirty sex was. In my bedroom was not only me but the voices of my grand mom and mom both in my ear telling me that what i was doing is bad and dirty. If your mom told you that then there is your problem. It took a long time to convince myself that know one can see what I'm doing and everything that i do is good and normal. My husband doesn't look down on me for doing certain things he like and he loves me more when i do make him happy in bed. These are all the things i would tell myself and when the little voice would start i would say to myself it's not bad ,it's not bad, i would talk myself out of feeling that way. I don't know if this is the problem your having but i hope it helps you a little. By the way you are just starting to reach your sexual peak and that will make you want to go after him. I have been through it already and i sure wish i could go through it again. I was after my husband every night and then some. Have fun and don't worry about anything else but you enjoying yourself with your husband.

Answer 2

Are YOU happy with the way you look? Do YOU feel good about yourself? It's hard to be sexual when you have low self esteem. Can you get some counseling? Maybe you could tell your husband how you feel. It's hard for me to initiate sex too, but more because I am tired half the time. I have three small children so when they go to bed I am beat. Maybe you two could go to a Marriage retreat, or to Marriage and Family Counseling. That's a tough one. My husband is not very good at communicating so that can be hard sometimes. Can you get into it when HE initiates it? Some people just have a harder time initiating than others.

Answer 3

I think you seem very uncomfortable, and not confident in your self.

Perhaps you should try something to boost your confidence and go from there. Maybe go to the gym and work out, excercise will make you feel good (even if you don't need it), have some sexy professional photos of yourself taken and give them to your husband as gift, you'll be able to see just how sexy and great you look on film, you could take up a dancing class, like belly dancing or perhaps learn with your husband?

There are many things you could do to give yourself more confidence, even if it is just wearing sexier clothing or higher heels. I hope i've helped.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I don't know what to tell you, but as a man on the tenth year of our marriage without the recollection of ever being initiated upon, I can only tell you that you are WONDERFUL for recognizing that and stating "I need to fix this".

The first thing that pops out is you refer to you initiating the activity as "being promiscuous". That seems to me like you were probably raised a catholic and view sex as a non-enjoyment having event. I would look deep inside yourself. Coming on to your husband isn't dirty.

I can tell you from a man's perspective that you probably don't even need a sexy teddy. A simple climb into his lap, grabbing him, and whispering to him "I need sex tonight" is probably going to be right up his alley. For us guys, I think we really just want some sign that we're wanted. And throw in some anticipation, like hours beforehand, instead of seeming possibly uninterested until the moment. I can't tell you how I long for that.

Good Luck to you.

Answer 5

OMG!! ME TOO!! I have been with my hubby 4 18 years and I'm not sure if its because when I was younger I had a dirty notion of sex or if its because I think he will make fun of me or just because I am too shy. I have fantacies of being more dominate but I certainly would never live them out, in fact I hafta have a few to even admit I like it . I will check back to see if there are any good solutions to our problem. I just wanted you to know you aren't alone !!!

Answer 6

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Answer 7

I don't think you can *fix* the deep inhibitions you have by wearing a teddy and such because you have been feeling like this for at least two years. Seek therapy to explore your feelings and it will help you.

best of luck to you:o)