my boyfriend just asked me to marry him. i can't wait! we want a quick court house wedding.
problem is my dad told me awhile ago he really wanted to be there if/when we get married. he lives in arkansas we live in michigan. we don't want to make a big deal outta it.
plus if we tell dad and he's the only one there we have other family that would be offended.
should we just do it and tell dad later?
2007-10-21 16:19:49 · 19 answers · asked by .. 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it's important to keep in mind we live 1000 miles apart and we all have jobs.
2007-10-21 16:42:00 · update #1
There are several things to look at .. and several things to consider.
First .. it IS your marriage, your life .. thus, your choice.
However - some people, like your Father, have their heart set on seeing their child make one of the most important steps in their life-time.
Weddings .. have a way of making people mad .. and getting them hurt.
Have you considered contacting your Dad at a time when he would have plenty time to talk to you .. and telling your Dad that you want to get married immediately .. with "no fuss, no muss" .. at the court house .. and now. Ask him how his opinion .. and explain how important it is to you .. it's what you want to do .. and it is the way you want to do it. Explain to him that you are not wanting to hurt anyone .. that you are simply wanting to get married .. your own way.
Try to be patient with him .. and understanding. Listen to what he has to say.
When you have had a long talk with your Dad .. and after you know exactly what he thinks .. then you will have to do more thinking yourself .. and make your own decision.
It is your decision to make. No one else can make it for you.
First .. give your Dad the chance to say it is OK to do it without him. Talk to him.
2007-10-21 16:38:59 · answer #1 · answered by Tara 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
That's what we were going to do, although we did tell everyone we were getting married. My mother in law thought my husbands family would be dissapointed if they didn't get to see him get married. Three weeks before the day we asked our pastor to marry us. We still didn't make a big deal of things, no flower girl, no bridesmaids, etc. We did however have my son as the ring bearer. His family put together a small reception for us and had a cake made with a picture of us my dad had taken. I'm glad our families were there after all and we still kept things small. Congrats and good luck!
2007-10-21 23:29:58 · answer #2 · answered by mamasmurf_50 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to hurt your dad's feelings pretty bad. I would reconsider. What's a big deal? Invite both family's members and have a small wedding. You get married only once, so why not make it special? Imagine if you were a dad and your daughter got married without telling you. Your dad wants you to walk the isle. Let him do it.
2007-10-21 23:34:35 · answer #3 · answered by terliuke 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A child’s marriage is an important event in every parent's life, and they want to be there, even if it’s just a courthouse wedding.
You didn’t state a reason you *have* to get married right now. Are you really so impatient that you can’t wait a few months until your father can be there? If so…impatience is generally a sign of immaturity, and immature people generally have a difficult time making their marriage work. You might want to think about that.
When I got married, my family lived 800 miles away and my fiances family lived *in another country*, but we still waited to get married until both families could be there.
2007-10-22 00:22:01 · answer #4 · answered by kp 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Personally, I think you should wait until your family can be there for the ceremony (even if it is small and just a court house wedding). You know it would mean a lot to them and I'm sure they could take some time out one weekend to come there soon.
2007-10-21 23:25:45 · answer #5 · answered by Madison 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What is the big deal with having to get married.... It seems to me that if you love each other with all your heart you can wait and have a wonderful wedding so all the family can come... I say wait.. If you cant wait then go ahead and break you pops heart... Remember you only have one pop and if he is as close to you as my daughters are to me.... they would and you should not either marry with out his blessings... Call him and tell him how you feel and if its alright to get married like you want and come to see him on the honey moon... I do wish you well my dear.... God bless... Grant M in Pennsylvania
2007-10-21 23:42:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course not, don't do that to your father. He's waited and dreamed of his little girl getting married and you should give him the privilege of being there. Getting married is a big deal. You are dedicating the rest of your life to this man. It is one of the biggest and most important decisions and occasions of your whole life. Don't try to down play your wedding day's importance. You better think long and hard about the vows you about to promise. For better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer until DEATH do us part. Are you ready to dedicate your whole life to your boyfriend? No matter what, through thick and thin until you stop breathing or he does? Maybe you better think on it a while if you think it is not a big deal.
2007-10-21 23:42:25 · answer #7 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I got married almost three months ago, and here's how it went:
My wife wanted to just do it, quick, and get it done. She wouldn't have even minded going down to the courthouse.
However, it was really important to me to have my parents there. She understood, so we planned a very small ceremony...just us and our parents and a minister. It was great.
We informed the rest of the family, and planned a big party for a month after the wedding so everybody could meet everybody. Nobody had a problem with it. Everybody said they were happy for us, and most of them came to the party.
It's YOUR day. Not everybody else's. They should understand that. If they don't, it's THEIR problem, not yours.
2007-10-21 23:38:12 · answer #8 · answered by tecualajuggernauts 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Call your dad!! It obviously means a lot to him. You don't have to make a big deal of it. I live in Arkansas and if my daughter were getting married, I would be on the first plane, and VERY pissed it she didn't let me be there
2007-10-21 23:26:59 · answer #9 · answered by dental asst 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are an adult aren't you? Do what you want. Tell dad that this is the way the two of you want to do it. Have you thought about going away to a little wedding chapel and tying the knot? They are very romantic and far away from everyone.
2007-10-22 00:05:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋