How do you like my poem?

Question

I decided to start writing poems. Here's my first, I hope you like it.

Do dreams come true?

I stair at the at night’s sky,
watching the the stars twinkle and the clouds pass by.
I know you are gazing at the heavens and I know what your thinkin,
we’re so far apart but we’re under the same blanket.
The moon is the common ground, a portal between,
where you are and I am, two opposite extreemes.
I gaze waiting for the moon to pull me up and put me down,
next to you, in another place another time anther town.
When you look up and admire all you see,
I hope, I pray, you think of me

Thanks for the encouragement guys. I'll defiantly clean it up and research proper poetry writing.

Answer 1

Like all the other garbage poetry on this site that isn't really poetry. You kids have no conception of what you're doing when you write this stuff. I wish Yahoo would get rid of the poetry once and for all. It clogs up this forum!

Answer 2

You've got some good thoughts inside all the verbiage.......'under the same blanket', is nice. I think, this could be loosely categorized as prose rather than poetry. it's a nice flowing style; not without merit. I find it sweetly romantic in its sentiment. And, it's important to recognize that anything in the way of artistic expression is still worth the expressing.

As for the actual piece itself, you could use a better form, paring on extra words and better spelling too. Have you read any poetry? about things like count and syllable and flow and rhythm?

Most poetry's eloquence is due to its very sparse usage of words as a general rule and you're loaded with LOTS of words that you really don't need to get the point across.

For instance:

Staring up at the night sky
watching the stars twinkle
and the clouds pass by

I know you are gazing
at the heavens too
and what you are thinking

under the same blanket
we share the same moon
our common portal

when you look up
to admire all you see
I hope, I pray,
you also think of me.


It's true that it could be written better BUT here's the important thing to think about. Did you get a kick out of writing this? was it fun? would you like to learn more about good poetry and read different styles instead of just plunging in and throwing words on paper???
I encourage you to keep at it.

Answer 3

For me a poem has to have rhythm. It does not always must rhyme but it surely demands to hit my feelings. I suppose readability of expression is foremost as good. I do not love to moment bet what I'm studying approximately. I constantly appear for what I time period "poetic gem stones"within the textual content.

Answer 4

this is not a poem - it's just an outpouring of feelings. this is not a good poem at all.
why not take a picture using words of what the clouds look like as they bass over, or what the moon is doing or whatever.

a poem is more like taking a snapshot but instead of using a camera/film you use words.

it's ok to pour out your feelings - but keep these to yourself.

poems are like you are observing a situation.

one of my early poems I published I pretended I was in a room where an auction was taking place,like I was in the room taking a picture, and I did take a picture, but I used words. It turned out good and it was published.

it took a while for me to understand that a poem was not an outpouring of feelings. I still do those but I keep them to myself.

hope this helps you.

Answer 5

its a good start but u have some spelling mistakes and double wording. Too many commas too! U need to proof read your work a few times before u get the final piece.

Answer 6

dont listen to that emerald what-his-face! some people are so concieted!anyways,its definitley something , but its not yet moved from quality writing to quality poetry, but i do admire how you link yourself with the night sky.keep going!

Answer 7

Mnogo ti je dobra pesma,steta sto neznamo malo bolje engleski,mislim da je ok

Answer 8

i like it tooo!!! its shnexy

more more more post more hahaha


oh who is it deicated to? the lost love your away from?

Answer 9

Don't listen to that jerk!!!!!!!!!!!! You sound great and your words flow!!! Keep on Writing!!!!!!!!