PLEASE~~does this sentence make sense???

Question

I hope to gain the knowledge and understanding to fulfill the dream that was created by many influences in my life of becoming a nurse.


**please make any revisions OR make a new sentence if needed**

thanks in advance :)

Answer 1

I hope to gain the knowledge and understanding to fulfill the dream of becoming a nurse, which was created by many influences in my life.

Answer 2

Eh, it could use a little work. Try this: I hope to gain the knowledge and understanding to fulfill the dream, created by many influences in my life, of becoming a nurse.

The commas help, but really it would be best if you took the space between the comas out: I hope to gain the knowledge and understand to fulfill a lifelong dream of becoming a nurse.

It sounds like a mission or goal statement. The "created by many influences in my life" doesn't add to the statement. It hints at a lot of other things you want to say, but can't, and is therefore unnecessary. It also gets in the way of what you're trying to say.

Now, if you can some how work in what that influence was... For example: I hope to gain the knowledge and understanding necessary to fulfilling the dream of becoming an exceptional nurse in a cancer ward. or ...necessary to fulfilling the dream of treating children with cancer by becoming a nurse.

Of course, it's all up to you. Good luck!

Edit: Rereading, you need the "necessary to fulfilling" bit in there, whatever version you pick. The "necessary" makes it less choppy and more explicit.

Answer 3

It would help if I knew the purpose of this sentence. Is it a school essay? Is it part of an essay for admission into a nursing program? To answer your basic question: yes, the sentence makes sense, but only if it is read carefully and, perhaps, more than once. If this is a simple school essay, it is probably acceptable, but if it is part of an application, it needs to be revised. The problem is really not the wording, it is the order of words and the length of the sentence. Try this one: "I hope to gain knowledge and understanding in order to fulfill a dream: the dream of becoming a nurse. I have held this dream near to my heart ever since it was first created in me by many individuals and influences." Or something like that. Then you could perhaps go on to briefly describe one or two of these influences. Hope this helps! Best of luck!

Answer 4

Try:

I hope to gain the knowledge and understanding to fulfill my dream of becoming a nurse, a dream that was created by many positive influences in my life.

Answer 5

Try this

I hope to gain the knowledge and understanding to fulfill my dream of becoming a nurse. My inspiration to do this comes from the many influences I've had in my life.

Answer 6

I hope to gain the understanding and knowledge to fulfill the dream, that was created by many influences in my life, of becoming a nurse

Answer 7

I hope to gain the knowledge and understanding needed to fulfill my dream -- created by many influences in my life -- of becoming a nurse.

Answer 8

Many influences in my life have been responsible for my dream of becoming a nurse. I hope to gain the knowledge and understanding to fulfill that dream

Answer 9

Becoming a nurse, I hope to gain the knowledge and understanding to fulfill the dream that was created by many influences in my life.

Answer 10

I hope to gain the knowledge and understanding that will help to fulfill my dream of becoming a nurse; a dream that was realized when looking at the many important influences in my life .

hope it helps!