my wife left in july, as i was pressuring her to take more responsibility as a mother and wife, and she couldn't deal with it. (there was a good amount of negligence). She took our son and her daughter and i didn't hear from her for three weeks until she received the divorce papers i filed.
i decided to have the divorce action dismissed,but she felt she needed time to get herself a job and get herself together, so she moved to her father's, 60 miles from our home. then she started getting really s--tty whenever i'd try to arrange time with my son (she acted as if she OWNED him), so i filed a custody/visitation action and the next time i got him, she didn't see him again until after the hearing, about a month. (he's two)
Surprising she's acting like she's got some sense now, and we have even discussed reconciling. I moved out of our old place two mos ago, 30 miles further. She has our son...
2007-10-21 14:41:41 · 7 answers · asked by Shell Answer Man 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
during the week now and has to do all the driving when he visits me, by order of the court, because she left first. I'm stuck in a new lease until august next yr and she can't move in here with her daughter and our son. how do i work on reconciling, but make sure she doesn't lapse into her old stuff again???
2007-10-21 14:43:53 · update #1
my new place is a two bedroom apartment, with my daughter from another relationship living here already. my wife is 90 miles away at her dad's.
2007-10-21 14:45:09 · update #2
My wife tends to put issues on "ignore" when she can't make an easy decision (i.e. finances or parenting) and this has been harmful to everyone else. I got tired of fixing things when she wouldn't.
2007-10-21 14:48:49 · update #3
Perhaps she did realize that it was a mistake to leave and wants to start over but you should try to get some counseling and get a third person to mediate between the two of you and help you both over come what ever it was that made her leave.. for example, perhaps she couldn't take the pressure you put on her to be a better mother and wife so fled and perhaps you could have handled that differently and gotten her to change to a better wife and mother. since you have moved into this new place and can't move until August, it may give you time to start to know each other better and work a lot of things out that you didn't work on before the marriage.
you might start by finding a place half way between the two of you and meet there to exchange your son, have dinner together, do something together like bowling if you both enjoy that,going to a movie together or whatever.it takes to have a good time together. If you do those things together you may start enjoying being a couple again and be able to talk over your differences and how to solve them, and perhaps you may even decide that it is worth terminating your lease earlier if it works out that you don't want to wait until the end of it to get back together. I hope the two of you can work this out for the sake of the child!!
2007-10-21 15:14:32 · answer #1 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take lots and lots of time. The kids are young and aren't going anywhere. See them as often as you can. As for your relationship with her, make sure she is stable before you rush into anything. Take several months, like 8-12, to make sure this is what you want. Forget the past, start fresh with her, if you can. Of course you 2 have a past together, but I mean, forget the bad times and concentrate on the good times of the past. But be cautious and continue being an excellent father.
2007-10-21 14:47:07 · answer #2 · answered by gma 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For your wife's sake--don't reconcile. Nowhere in your question is there even a hint that YOU might have played a role in your problems. As for your comments about keeping your son from his mother for a month ... that makes you sound like a first class control freak.
The woman is well rid of you.
2007-10-21 15:43:29 · answer #3 · answered by not the real me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are looking for answers here? See a marriage guidance counselor. It sounds like she's not the only with problems, and you sound determined to prove yourself in the right. We don't get to hear your wife's side of things. (Is that why your on here and not in a psych's office?) You are hurting your children; grow up. There are no winners in this situation, and the losers will be your kids.
2007-10-21 16:05:29 · answer #4 · answered by sweetmarie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should consider any reconciliation at this point because it is too soon to tell if she is really changing or just modifying the way she presents herself to get what she wants. The most important thing is the stability for those children and they need to feel safe and loved.
2007-10-21 14:52:14 · answer #5 · answered by April First 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont know what to tell you about reconciling but if she is truely not a good mother to your child and you are concerned check and see if you can get CPS involved and if the child is removed he would be placed with the father,also some towns have a CASA/GAL(court appointed special advocate/guardian ad litem) program that will help to fight for the rights of your child if removed from the origenal home.just options.good luck
2007-10-21 14:53:42 · answer #6 · answered by angel_ns_texas 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk to her and keep the lines of communication open too she will hopefully see that you can both work together to make this a good situation for you both.
Best luck
2007-10-21 14:47:17 · answer #7 · answered by itsjust me123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋