I've been married almost 4 years and we have a child together. I never married my husband under normal circumstances meaning, dated each other, fell in love and had a wedding etc. I met him, barely knew him, was never really attracted to him, and then married him 3 months later and got pregnant a month later and have just been "putting up" with him for these years. I've wanted to divorce him many times in the past but couldnt because of my daughter and now I'm extremely attracted to this guy and I think he feels the same way about me. He goes out of his way to see me, he always finds me and the clue that gave it away was he came to my house to see my kitchen to do some comparison but left after three seconds. I'm not sure what to do.
2007-10-21 13:47:40 · 45 answers · asked by Behave 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"Never open a new door until you've closed the one behind you."
In other words, if you haven't been happy in your relationship in all these years, stop kidding yourself and do the right thing for yourself. Resolve your current relationship 1st.
Were you staying in the relationship until "something better" came along? (that's what it sounds like)
You also shouldn't jump into another relationship right away neither. Give youself a few months to regroup, if you can't be genuinely happy when you're by yourself, then you won't be happy in another relationship.
It sounds to me (& correct me if I'm wrong) as though you've been wanting to divorce him for a very long time, but the few things that have held u back are, your child, financial security, fear of the unknown. Bottom line, I'm guessing that you feel, that you have more to lose by leaving him, than putting up & tolerating your situation? It's obvious you aren't "in love" with your husband anymore, and I question if you ever really loved him to begin with since you stated, that you were "never really attracted to him" but married him 3 months later anyway....hmm??
The "other" guy really isn't part of the equation at this point. It's about resolving your current situation.....until you do, you will never be "genuinely" happy. We only live once........we all deserve to be happy......
Remember material things can always be replaced, and if you get divorced, it doesn't mean that your child can't have a relationship with their dad...... I don't know what else to say, I just hope that this has triggered some sort of insight on what you're going through. Just because you're attracted to someone else doesn't mean that you should act on those feelings, you may be getting yourself into a deeper situation, and get more on your plate than you can handle.
Panterita
2007-10-21 14:17:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never divorce your husband merely because you "think" someone else is attracted to you. This guy should NOT be coming to your house. Take a good long look at your marriage & if you want out because you no longer have feelings for your husband, then consider getting a divorce. Once you do, you have to move on. Don't get a divorce because you think you may have a future with this guy. Get a divorce because you no longer care about your husband. Your infidelty could very well end up biting you in the behind in more ways than one. You're a married woman & you shouldn't be in touch with this other man while still married & vice versa. Maybe once you're divorced, this guy, you THINK is attracted to you, may not be interested in you anymore because you will be single & the chase won't be fun anymore. So, think about it & your daughter. She'll be affected by whatever you choose to do.
2007-10-21 14:09:20 · answer #2 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to try and fall in love with your husband. It sounds as if u haven't even tried this. Falling in love is an action you must put forth effort. Unless he is doing wrong, you both deserve to try this. The grass is never greener on the other side, just a different smell once you take off the glasses. Talk to ur husband and let him know what u need to feel what ever it is ur missing. Let him feel that void. Women for years had been married thru arranged marriages. U at least got the chance to decide. I'm not sure what "putting up with" really means, but be sure that ur leaving for the right reasons. Focus on fixing ur marriage instead of looking for a way out. Don't hurt him. Now, I'm not saying to stay if u r being hurt or wronged. Just find out why u r truly looking elsewhere. Is it because you can't stand him or because u don't feel special anymore?
2007-10-21 14:01:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you have an affair you should take a long look and figure out what you want in life.
Since you mentioned that you got pregnant only after your marriage, and that you were never attracted to your husband, I'm going to guess that your marriage was arranged. How are adultery and/or divorce looked at in your community? How do you think your small child will respond if you bring another man into your life?
If you do decide that your marriage isn't the right thing, cheating on your husband is not the way to get out of it. Talk to your husband, tell him you are not happy and see if you can work things out (if you want to work things out). Think about your family, your child and yourself - figure out what is best. An affair is usually not the best option - you take a bad situation (your marriage) and make it worse by lying and cheating. Not a good example to make for your children, nor a good way to live your life. We all get tempted, but the way we respond to temptation is what counts.
2007-10-21 13:55:13 · answer #4 · answered by Scott S 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Please don't take this other relationship any further. You gotta resolve the first before moving on....you're gonna have ties with your baby's dad forever - so careful screwing with his heart.
Don't ditch your marriage over a hunch about this other guy...he's a crush...a distraction from crappy reality
You had to be attracted to your hubby on some level to produce a daughter right???
Marriage counseling won't work for you if you've already made your mind up that you've checked out...
I don't know - single moms aren't the hottest thing out there that guys pursue...this crush may like you, but does he want to be a dad (step dad)...maybe he just wants to sleep with you (and vice versa) and then you'll get to know him like your current husband and he's got his own crap - it's just different.
I'm sure your kid doesn't want to grow up in a household where the parents don't like each other (divorce is better than drama)
gotta stop answering this question because I'm eating as many chips as I'm typing words :)
2007-10-21 13:57:48 · answer #5 · answered by Bird 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Run, do not walk to the nearest marriage counsellor.
You need to examine the problems you are facing because it is more than the "new guy". There is obviously some problem with yourself or you would not have married someone that you "barely knew". If you divorce and remarry, you will not improve the problem, because you haven't figured out what the problem IS.
You have issues. You need to resolve them.
If you jump into a new relationship, you will not fix anything, and you will ruin your child's life, not to mention your current husband.
Please seek counselling. IF you still can't deal with your husband after a genuine try, then it is up to you. But forget this new guy, you are not ready to start another relationship when you have screwed up the one you already have.
2007-10-21 13:53:52 · answer #6 · answered by greengo 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all the biggest mistake you made was to marry this man after 3 months you dated ea h other and thought you had fell in love with him. got pregnant and had a child. You have some nerve talking about how you have been putting up with him what about him putting up with you and not knowing how you really feel about him. You wanted to divorce your husband before this man came along, and now this man has came along your thinking about it. i think that this is not love your just attracted to him and he may be attracted to you but your a married woman remember that what god has joined together know man put us under. Its a oath between you and god that you became as one for better or worse.
Do what ever what you think is right for you and your family the choice is yours not mines.
best of luck
2007-10-21 13:58:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you don't love your husband then get a divorce. Don't pursue another relationship until you are out of the first. You don't really have to tell your husband about the new guy, just tell him all the reasons you listed here for not wanting him. You should also be very careful about getting in a new relationship though - make sure you love your next guy cause from what your saying it is not hard to be better than your current husband...................
2007-10-21 13:54:14 · answer #8 · answered by מימי 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like a miserable life. I am confused, if you were never really attracted to him - why did you marry in the first place? Then, why did you allow yourself to get pregnant? I think you need to sit doen and think for a minute before you make any more decisions, you are not making good decisions at all. This new man that you have met, he is not in love with you. He knows that you are married. If he knows that you are cheating on your husband and are planning to leave your husband for him; he will always have in the back of his mind that you would do the same to him. I am going to need you to seek marriage counseling, work on the first marriage or divorce before you bring a third party into the picture. I am going to need you to realize that you now have a child, it is no longer all about you.
2007-10-21 13:51:32 · answer #9 · answered by 2Cute2B4Got 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
While it is all very well that you are attracted to another man you should give due consideration to the fact that you have a daughter who is almost three.She sure would be traumatised if you were to separate from your husband.In
addition to that have you given any thought to how your new love would treat your child?If
you should still decide to divorce your husband
you should gracefully allow him to retain custody of your daughter should he so desire.
Anyway think,ponder,muse,reflect(they all mean the same no doubt)before you take the irrevocable step.Whatever you decide Good
Luck to you and the best to your child.
2007-10-21 14:00:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋