My mom used to pick on me all my life and I always told myself that I would never be like her. However, I notice sometimes that I start picking on my fiance and cannot stop. I don't want to be this person but I don't know how to control myself sometimes. It got to the point that it causes us big fights and he gets very very upset. He says he doesn't want to be with a person who puts him down, and I don't blame you. I am usually a very positive person who likes to cheer others up but once in a while I get in a bad mood and then pick on everything. How can I stop??
2007-10-21 12:33:15 · 14 answers · asked by terliuke 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you're on the right path. You recognize it when it's happening. Now the trick is to just recognize it and put the breaks on faster and faster. Eventually you'll catch yourself before you even start.
Also, if your fiance calls you on it, then stop. Have him remind you that you said you were working on it. (by him reminding you that you wanted the change, you'll be teasing him despite yourself)
2007-10-21 12:42:27 · answer #1 · answered by rorybuns 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was abused as a child. I made the decision the break the link. My children grew up in a very loving,nurturing,protected home where Mother and Father were always there for them. Suppose I would have let my past control me and make the lives of others miserable. You have a choice to make,,,all by yourself,,,,,no one can force you. Break the cycle and make your fiance happy or keep doing it and lose him. How long do you think he will put down by you? How long would you put up with it? Remember how it made you feel when mother was picking at You,,,,,,,
2007-10-21 12:47:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really understand where you are coming from. Whenever you start picking just stop and ask yourself why am I saying what I am saying then say sorry to your fiance. Tell him you are trying to do better. This may sound childish but you should buy something like poker chips and when he fells that you are picking he should hand you one and you should have to put it in a jar at that moment so that you can know how often you are doing and you can see if you doing better.
2007-10-21 12:44:26 · answer #3 · answered by Grimey 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Therapy.
It's what saved me.
My mom treated me like crap most of my life. She was very manipulative, believed the world revolved around her and no one could ever possibly be in more pain then her. Everything she said had to be right. She was and still can be very psychotic.
So. I did what was needed, started therapy. I was able to get out all of my anger and frustration, talk things over, and receive help on how NOT to turn out like her.
It worked.
2007-10-21 12:56:19 · answer #4 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Judi, you need to go to counceling, and get to the root of this issue BEFORE you walk down the isle, because if you don't before you get married, things are ONLY going to get worse.
And honestly you can stop yourself, when you feel tempted to pick on him, walk away and DON'T do it. It's a choice, and your choosing to do it.
I do think though that being around that behavior growing up, with your mother doing that to you has something to do with it. But seek counceling, I think it will help you out alot.
2007-10-21 12:44:44 · answer #5 · answered by Bryan M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely need to find what sets you off in the first place before you can figure out how to stop. Obvisious its the same thing that triggered your mom into picking on you. Find that problem trigger and youll find a way to stop before it becomes too late
2007-10-21 12:46:08 · answer #6 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, have you ever seen why she could be choosing her lip? a lot of human beings %. their lips by way of fact there is dry dermis there, if she have been to get rid of the priority of dry dermis on her lip, there would be no dermis to %.. in any different case, the lips, while properly moisturized, are supple and comfortable, without aberrations. I advise getting her some large chapstick and having her drink water greater in many circumstances.
2016-11-09 03:33:09 · answer #7 · answered by datta 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to counceling before you marry this man. You need to see the root of the problem. You need to fix this before getting married because if this continues after you are married then divorce is going to come into the picture.
2007-10-21 12:37:23 · answer #8 · answered by Judi W 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if u really love him u will stop because if he's starting to get mad at u then he's going to get fed up soon and leave u. So try very hard to stop yourself when you are about to say something that will bother him.....
2007-10-21 12:38:38 · answer #9 · answered by mrs. MJ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh you'll stop once you see him walk out the door and never come back.
2007-10-21 15:11:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋