do you like this my own poetry?

Question

Is there anything worse than the cries of a child's torture?
Is there anything worse than a child's cries?
Every night you can hear them if you open your ears
Devices dreamed up to bring suffering to lives both great and small
succeed in countries both rich and poor
They are not all happy
They die not only in war
But even over there they cry
From the instruments of torture
In the States electroshock sends sparks from the hands of paedophiles
Don't you hear the cries of torture?
They are small and so young
They have teddy bear shaped pillows
and yet they cry
They're cries of torture.
If you open your ears to listen, you can hear them
They're heart-rending
If you open your eyes, you can see them,
their pain-wracked faces.
A thousand eyes,
but who sees them?
They're far away,
but they cry
and powerful hands silence them.
Is there anything worse than the cries of a child's torture?

Answer 1

no - this doesn't work. but it's a good start. here's some ideas

imagine you are taking a snapshot - just use words instead of a camera/film

what do the cries of torture look like?
what to the instruments do? what do they look like - what are their actions like - what happens when they are used

what do the sounds sound like -
when you open your eyes - what do you see?

what do the pain-wracked faces look like?

what do the powerful hands look like
whose hands are they.

see what I'm saying - you are coming to conclusions and what you need to do is paint a picture using words. like you are taking a picture and not an outpouring of feelings.

if you can quit thinking of poems as an outpouring of feelings you'll be a better poet.

instead of talking about the thousand eyes - what do the thousand eyes look like
what are they doing
what happens while they are doing whatever

see what I'm saying????

you talk about the cries of a child's torture but you aren't describing the cries.

it's just emotional gobbledygook - but it's a good brainstorm and a good start, and you can go far with this one if you make changes. it can be a great poem with work.

Answer 2

The root of all evil is the heart of the black soul
A force that has lived all eternity
It sounds like you have spent a few minutes to evoke a response from ignorant Y! users who will think you are getting torured. Have fun with it!

Answer 3

Oh wow...that's really beautifully written. That brought tears to my eyes. I have been writing poetry for a long time and I can appreciate a well written poem. It's deep, scary, and true, and it's put so brilliantly. I'd love to hear more.

Answer 4

It was very powerful and a little to hard and intense for my taste but you got to my heart and that's what counts, I hope that you did not go through this since it is such strong writing. You should continue to write poems and maybe even book. you are very descriptive.

Answer 5

Reminds me of the song "Hell is For Children" by Pat Benatar.

Answer 6

maybe someday if I adopt one, then I will ave worry abuot that sort of thing

and buy 1000 ice cream cones and visits to museums and give undivided attention and quality time
, and holding and consolation

until or unless that time happens, its probly not really my problem

Answer 7

I have felt this kind of pain in my heart for the innocent victims of this gross crime...it is heart wrenching....and your poem describes it so well.

Answer 8

It is great but sad if it is a all black chotles it is perfect and a great poem a great great poem

Answer 9

OOoh. Thats deep dont stop. Its crazy who it gets you thinking.

Answer 10

That's a great poem!