What do you think about marrying for worse?

Question

I think most of us have heard that phrase "for better or for worse." Is it really worth it though? I ask people on here and they give me the same answers, "Sorry, honey, you married him and you're stuck. You married for better or worse, remember? Now quit being selfish!"

I think that life is just too short to still be married and have your life become worse. What if that person is being beaten up physically, emotionally, or feeling unloved? Is it really worth it to just stay in the marriage just for the sake of marriage? What if you've done what you could do already and nothing's changed? Do you think that person has turned back on his/her vows when he/she finally decides to divorce because the marriage has gotten worse?

Answer 1

I couldnt agree with you more. The puritanicals who tell you for better or for worse, obviously havent suffered the "worse". For some people marriage is wonderful and the only worse they ever suffer is the occasional argument, or some kind of illness. I think the marriage vows are taken too literally. The marriage certificate is a christian thing. Do you really think God would accept a woman being beaten every day. Do you think He would accept a child being sexually abused by the father. This better or for worse is very dangerous. A person should not have to be miserable just because they married. Maybe the marriage vows need to be changed. We are talking about something that is 1,000's of years old. Its time the words were re-vamped. The Bill of Rights and the Marriage Certificate are in odds with each other. Which one do we believe? Do we lose our rights just because we get married? I dont think so. Everyone deserves to be happy. I agree with the guy who asked the question about whether Marriage Certificates should be a contract for 4 years and not for life. We are not living in the 18th Century anymore and I think the Marriage Certificate should be brought up to the 21st Century.

Answer 2

The words 'for better or for worse' are very OPEN ...
What you 'described' is a 'domestic violence' situation, and that is the BEST reason to seek a divorce. I don't think that should 'count' as a 'worse' in the marraige vows. To me 'worse' means that my husband loses his job and we are homeless, or he gets very ill and must be taken care of (or I do) ... our MARRIAGE doesn't 'get worse' but our 'circumstances' within that marriage may get better or worse as time goes on. My husband and I are 'together forever and beyond' ... but we are really a 'very rare couple' ... and I have been married to an 'abusive husband' and I did 'get out' of that marriage AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. When my husband and I wanted to become Catholic, I had to get 'annulments' from my former husbands ... I told them of the 'abuse' and was told that the abuse VIOLATES THE MARRIAGE CONTRACT and it was NOT a 'real marriage' in the Catholic church. I agree ... the 'wedding vows' are only something you 'say' ... the real 'marriage' has already taken place, but if one person 'lies' and doesn't tell the partner about their being an abusive partner, the 'vows' are no longer in force, and the marriage SHOULD BE ENDED.

Answer 3

You got it all wrong. Most people here are religious so I will make a religious comment and back it up with scriptures and all.
(1 Corinthians 7:10-11) 10 To the married people I give instructions, yet not I but the Lord, that a wife should not depart from her husband; 11 but if she should actually depart, let her remain unmarried or else make up again with her husband; and a husband should not leave his wife.

(1 Timothy 5:7-8) . . .. 8 Certainly if anyone does not provide for those who are his own, and especially for those who are members of his household, he has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith.

You can separate if you are being beaten up, or the husband refuses to financially support the household. The key word is "separate" meaning that you cannot divorce but you can leave.

Only if one spouse commits adultery or has died then can you marry someone else.
(Matthew 5:31-32) 31 “Moreover it was said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 However, I say to YOU that everyone divorcing his wife, except on account of fornication, makes her a subject for adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Answer 4

I think anyone who has been married for a significant amount of time would say that "worse" does not mean physical or emotional abuse. But, I think all of us who have been married for a significant amount of time can all point to spots in their marriage when it would definitely be classified as "worse." All marriages have their good spells and their bad spells, period.

I've always interpeted "for better or for worse" to mean that you promise not to bail out of the relationship at the first sign of trouble, that you'll make an honest effort at repairing any problems in the marriage, and that divorce is the final, not first, option. Too many people today see divorce as their first option, and are so quick to run to the lawyers office at the first sign of unhappiness in their marriage. I tell people that we are each responsible for our own happiness, your spouse isn't responsible for making you happy, only you can do that for yourself. So, if you're seriously unhappy, you need to first look into the mirror to find out a good part of the cause.

I also think anyone who has been married for a significant amount of time would say that the "worse" parts of their marriage are what has made their marriage stronger in the long run.

Answer 5

I think that the "worse" part of vows refers more to unfortunate circumstances the couple will have to endure together. These may be unforseen events, diseases, disorders, injuries, family problems, financial problems, etc. It's easy to love someone through the easy times. It takes work & sacrifice to make it through the tough ("worse") times. Now if someone is being physically or emotionally hurt that is another story. The problem is that people don't take the time to really prepare for marriage & consider all the obstacles they may encounter through the course of the marriage. So then when one pops up they don't know how to deal with it & it ends up pushing the couple apart instead of bringing them closer together.

Answer 6

it may be a part of the vows but i am not going to stay with anyone who makes my life worse. that is just ludacris! marriage is meant to be a happy union of two people. the for worse part is just a hint so you will know that it will not always be happy. that is life. you have to know when to get out. if you are playing a game of poker and you lost all the money are you going to keep playing. i guess you will if you have a gambling problem but most people have enough sense to back away from the table. LOL! I digress........if it is always bad then maybe it is not worth it. would you stay at a job that is always bad? more than likely you will search for another one. marriage takes work from both parties not just one. if you choose to stay with someone that makes you unhappy you may just miss the person that was meant for you. you will be so far gone wallowing in your misery that your eyes will be wide open shut.

Answer 7

Life is to short to be unhappy. You say that you have stuck it out and nothing has changed...how long? How long have you tried to stick around and be miserable? Better yet...is it changing you? Who you are? If so I say move on. I was in a 12 year marriage that I ALWAYS thought I could improve. He 17 years later is still the same except now he is making someone else miserable. Thanks God I got out. I had two young daughters that I thought would be affected by the divorce. They were. They got happier. When you are happy everyone around you can feel it. IF this person is making you change who you are and you are walking around in pain(mentally) then I say its ok. Its sad....but OK.

Answer 8

Divorce is an option for everyone. And I am sure that some who have told you it was for better or for worse have been thru a divorce themselves. I wouldn't stay in a relationship where I felt I was being emotionally or physically abused. Life is about happiness and let me tell ya it's too short to be lived unhappy and miserable. Go where your heart takes ya !!

Answer 9

I don't think think the "worse" part in the vows applies to abusive relationships. But besides that, If the person has honestly done whatever they can to make the marriage work then they have held up their responsibilities to the vow.

Answer 10

It isn't either or. It's both. The vows say "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part."

You take the whole package. It's a huge promise that should not be taken lightly.

If someone is being physically abused, that changes everything. Most other problems can be solved. It takes two.