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Tonight is my 34th weding anniversary and every year he sits there like a big kid waiting for his presents, and never gets me anything. He doesen't even bother opening his cards. Whatever the occasion, I've never had anything from him. Not even when the kids were born. Not even a daisy from the garden! He's had everything you can think of and all he says to me is I'll get you something tomorrow, but he never does. My kids have grown up sick of his uncaring attitude and non interest in everything. Well right now he's sitting downstairs and I've bought him nothing for the first time, he's expecting a gift which is not coming. But Im getting scared, I can't take drinks off him anymore, I've caught him crushing up tablets in my tea cup a few times, and found open condoms in his wallet. I've confronted him, but he denies it. He's worked permament nights in a hotel for 8 years. I've tried talking to him, but he's to bad tempered and angry. I have nowhere to go. What should I do?

2007-10-21 09:36:49 · 22 answers · asked by julie p 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

22 answers

Let him fix you a drink, if you notice him crushing anything up in it or he's acting weird, take it to the police station and tell them you think he's poisoning you...and GOOD for you not buying him a present, he does not deserve it, also if you are too afraid call one of the children or call a friend to stay with...

2007-10-21 09:47:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

You teach people how to treat you. You've tolerated a bunch of crap for years, so that's what you've gotten. Don't be surprised - you've reinforced to him that he can do jack squat and you'll always be there...giving....
That's a bad example for your children - female or male.
Uhh - you haven't played detective to find out what he's putting in your drinks? Why not????
Well, lets play through this one....what other reason other than sex would someone have open condoms in their wallet? Why is he working over night for years?
What mess have you gotten yourself into? You never would have been ok with all this years before you met him. What has changed? Why don't you care enough now? Why are you excepting this?
Well - don't have unprotected sex with him - if you have sex. If he questions this - tell him the truth....he has opened condoms in his wallet......he's probably getting it from prostitutes and is quite apt to have some STD.
So lets sum up the facts...he has strange pills...you have seen him secretly putting strange pills in your drinks....he is never home at night.....he has open condoms......he is hot tempered.
You have not said one good thing about this man, other than he has not killed you.
Ask yourself this...........what would have to happen for you to leave him.....him sexually molesting one of your kids - or would you rationalize this too? You're boundaries seem nonexistent.
Him getting mad about not getting a gift is BS.....hello - you should be mad....and you're worried about him being mad at you. Come on girl...start taking up some space and stop letting him steam roll you!!!
God bless ya lady - sending you much love

2007-10-21 10:01:22 · answer #2 · answered by Bird 2 · 0 0

I have one question for you are you happy? Have you ever really been happy in this relationship? It seems to me that you have been the giver in this relationship and he has been the taker. You know monetary things come and go but I think he has taken so much more from you. He has taken your very soul. The essence of you. Are you even the same person you were even ten years ago. I think you already know the answer to your own question. I think you know it is time to leave, not only for very real physical reasons but emotionally too. You need to not waste another minute losing more and more of who you are. Get strong and get on your own. Find yourself again and once you start feeling good about yourself I gaurantee you will find someone who appreiciates you and will love you the way you deserve to be loved .

I wish you the very best. Remember you are unique and loved and deserve the best life has to offer what you are doing is not living my dear so get out there and start living it might be scary at first but could it be more scary than the situation you are in right now

2007-10-21 09:50:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I would first go to the doctors and have some drug testing done on yourself. The test will indicate if you had any drugs in your system. I would go to your local police department and fill out a report. If you can get some evidence that he is poisoning you then you can obtain a restrain order and have him arrested and removed from the home immediately. Good luck and you only live once. You can be strong and make your own happiness without him.

2007-10-21 10:12:29 · answer #4 · answered by dawn71077 2 · 0 0

I am so sorry - the man you are married to is deeply unpleasant and you really shouldn't have to live in fear of your life. You say you have children but have no where to go? I think if you were my mother and turned up on the doorstep saying what you have just told us, I would keep you safe and keep you away from that man. You should remember to plan well before you leave and take as much cash and valuables as you can get your mits on. He will not be very forthcoming in any divorce and you will be needing something to get you started. Tell yourself that tomorrow is a new phase in your life. How would you feel if one of your children turned to you and said their partner was just like your husband? What advice would you give them? Good luck to you and enjoy your life - its not a trial.

2007-10-21 09:53:53 · answer #5 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 0 0

Holy cow.

If you suspect something is wrong, then you should be getting the heck out of there and not drinking anything he gives you.

Sounds like he's had issues from the very beginning, and you've put up with them.

If he denies the bleeding obvious (why would you have condoms in your wallet if you're not with your wife?) and you've accepted it, you have more issues than anyone here can help you with.

PLEASE seek professional help and advice, immediately-- and maybe go stay with one of your kids for awhile!

2007-10-21 09:45:32 · answer #6 · answered by LJG 6 · 1 0

You are in a difficult situation. If I were you I would make plans to file for divorce. Your husband is a selfish, self centered, hedonistic, meany. Why did you buy his presents when he never reciprocated? But now that you are suspicious that he is trying to poison you, I would file for separation. Discuss with your children that you are fed up and want to leave him. Call a crisis center and discuss your plight with the person answering the phone, and ask advice. They may refer you to an agency that will be able to help you, but my advice is get out of there as quick as possible or you may be getting out one day feet first. If he works nights, you can do alot of planning when he is not around, so get going.

2007-10-21 13:19:22 · answer #7 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0 0

You should get some counseling. Relate what you have said here. If you did find him crushing up tablets, Then you need to be very careful. Open condoms doesn't mean anything in particular, but then again he could be having an affair and you may have found out. You need to get out of the house and talk with someone soon, or you may not see your 35th anniversary. Do it today.

Good luck.

2007-10-21 09:44:26 · answer #8 · answered by rrunner68 2 · 1 1

He is working in a hotel for eight years, he is having an affair, no wonder he has not left his job in eight years.

Honey, you need to get out of there and your marriage is beyone the point of therapy, follow your instincts, and if you feel that he is poisining you, then get out, a lot of women say they have no place to go, but they do and so do you!

Go to a women's shelter, and get help! Get out of there ASAP! If you can't go to a woman's shelter, go to the hospital, and talk with a nurse there and tell her what is going on, and a lot of times, they have numbers and resources and people that work right there in the hospital to help you out!

Please get help!

2007-10-21 09:50:12 · answer #9 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 1 0

Tell him you are going out to celebrate your 34 years of servitude to him and don't come back. Go to a friends house. Then contact a lawyer and file for divorce. There is no reason to stay in a marriage you are not happy in. Plan and simple life is short and staying with him might just cut that life down. Get out.

2007-10-21 09:41:47 · answer #10 · answered by mamabee 6 · 1 0

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