What can one do not to react out of anger and disappointment when provoked? Why one gets angry at all?

Question

We are constantly provoked by our surrounding and other people, but most of the time we can't allow to react even though we feel right and need to express ourselves to defend our position. We are suppressing our anger keeping our frustration, knowing that when we react that this can cause a counter reaction which might escalate into violence. Having suppressed our reactions over a long time, these accumulate and we are moving around like pressure cooker or time bombs: The moment comes when the tension is getting too much and then even a slight provocation might make us explode, loosing all control over ourselves.
The solution might be that we do not react out of anger and that we find out in the first place why we are getting angry at all! Obviously one needs to become conscious about the root cause. How can we do this? There are various ways. For me 'meditation' works best and is the most effective. I do it since over fifty years and like to share it: http://falconblanco.org/release

Answer 1

Controlling strong emotional energy such as anger is difficult because once one is in this condition, then one is the personality, one is BEING the anger, one IS the rage. You can’t even reason with someone when they are in a rage, or look at how crowds of peaceful protestors can easily become violent with the right trigger. At the point that one feels the need to express one’s anger, one’s angry or frustrated thoughts have been going on for quite a long time uninterrupted, feeding and nurturing the growing anger that is now ready to bust out at the slightest provocation. Because one is full of pent up energy then also there is this need to release it (to feel better), and so interpretation of reality will become more the norm (even for one who might be aware under other circumstances). As one is seeking relief for the built-up pressure and the personality is energized, then one will feel that nearly everything and everybody is provoking oneself, thereby giving the justification for reacting with one's full emotion. Thus also because the personality is fully energized at this point, as one is being one’s emotion, then one’s capability to observe oneself is nearly NIL because being energized as emotion IS unconscious. When one realizes that one is at the point of blowing up, then one can only accept that the scenario that led one up to this pressure point has happened, then seek to find a way to calm the built up bodily tension and hopefully one can find a way to do this that doesn’t harm others…

So we might know that the thoughts led up to the emotion and are the cause, but emotional energy is so strong and in order to get to the thoughts that caused it, we first have to back ourselves out of the reaction, sort of like going in reverse order. Once we have calmed the emotional waters, then we can observe what’s going on with the thinker and meditation is the best for this.

As a practical advise I found that I had to do two things and that I needed a tool that I could use on-the-spot in stressful daily life when the strong emotions got triggered. The first was to keep a watchful eye on my body tension during the day and anytime I noticed frustration or anger, etc., building, then it would be a reminder for me to shift to belly breathing and to try to relax and breath energy into any body parts that I felt tension or pain within. Once the tension started to recede then I could start to see what I was repeating in my thoughts that were the cause of the build up of emotional energy. Once ‘here’ then one can make the decision to not put so much weight on how one feels or how one sees things. Looking at scenarios from other perspectives or getting other's opinions about them, can greatly reduce your own belief in your take on things making it easier to let your opinion or interpretation go. You just let it go when you see the damage it causes (not only to others but also to one’s own well-being), by continuing to hang onto our precious opinions, interpretations and feelings, etc.

Betsy

Answer 2

I agree ,It is vital that you establish what it is that angers you.It may be several things.Discussing your problems with who ever they concern can eleviate situations.When I was younger I used to loose the plot.I realised this gained very little by taking this approach.People do get angry and it has been like this since day 1.Its the way we all react differently ,that I find interesting.I read an article that stated what we eat can change our anger levels.If you walk away and do not do or say anything when a situation arises nothing has been resolved for any parties.What iI mean by this is the situation is not been resolved.We are all like clocks ticking.I personally have never tried meditation,If it works great.I do a lot of cycling this helps me to unwind.

Answer 3

The best thing to do is first take a deep breath so you don't just fly off the handle and second learn how to express your anger properly. You need to let the other person know what they did that made you angry without putting them down as a person. So you say, calmly, "I felt angry when you said ....." or did..... or whatever. Then allow them to respond. A lot of people will respond irately in spite of your neutrality of expression, but you at least have the satisfaction of having made your feelings known. But some people will realize what they did and perhaps apologize and think better of it next time. Mainly, you didn't let yourself become a doormat, but you also acted rationally and did not increase the tension by insulting the other person.

Answer 4

I ask the person if they need to talk or a hug...This changes an angry person instantly. Also I ignore stupid, unreasonable behavior and walk away from problems I see coming. If i feel myself getting upset, I take deep breathes and close my eyes and know things will get better, or things are worse some place else, like i could be sick or fighting in the war...Then whatever got me upset means nothing...

Answer 5

Anger is the response to pain that a person feels was caused by someone we trusted .
As we age , we should become smarter about being duped ,
But on the few occasions I am still hoodwinked ,
I realize the person is mentally ill and it is pointless to be angry at those kinds of people .

I just clean their clock academically , without anger .

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Answer 6

I think you don't allow for assertiveness. The two response options you've given are aggression and passivity. What if when someone irritates or belittles you, you don't say nothing, and you don't yell and scream, but politely and firmly tell them not to do it again, and then walk away. I believe there is a middle ground to the options you've given us, both of which are unrealistic.

Answer 7

I simply take a moment away from the situation. it is not a physical move moreso a mental. physically i will close my eyes to calm myself. i do not think that it is healthy to keep the emotions inside b/c then you will blow up at the smallest thing or the wrong person.

Answer 8

When I get angry I usually end up crying...it comes out in a different way I guess

Answer 9

Anger is a natural, and healthy response. It's how the emotion is displayed and handled. I

Answer 10

Vitamin B12 and a large glass of vodka.