wronged by a friend, not just once, but many things over time. I've always tried to be understanding, but I'm tired of being walked on, too. I hate letting anger and resentment take over, I just want to be free of it and be happy. I need advice on this please, oh wise and wonderful seniors!
2007-10-21 08:01:32 · 21 answers · asked by Starscape 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
This test explains and helps you determine if you're in a toxic relationship
http://www.toxicrelationshipsbook.com/
I hope this helps you to make a wise decision about terminating this relationship..
Blessings Juju
2007-10-21 08:35:07 · answer #1 · answered by Ju ju 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If a friendship turns into work, you have to let it go. The anger and resentment just sit below the surface and simmer, and you can't enjoy what should be a good, healthy relationship with this person. I have just such a "friend" and had to step back from her. Hard to do. Things were going fine till my hand surgery and she's sort of insinuated herself back into my life. It's brought back a lot of bad and negative feelings for me.......so it looks like the line has to be drawn again. Tell you what.....we'll take that step back together. No more "dark clouds" in our lives and only friends that give joy, support and lots of smiles. Deal!?
2007-10-21 16:28:09 · answer #2 · answered by night-owl gracie 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Letting go is easier said than done.
Letting go of anger & resentment is such a liberating experience. Because you are not allowing someone to continue to have power over you. Whatever happened it happened for a reason there is lesson in there somewhere. You are missing the lesson to be learned and are focused on what happened. Step back maybe the lesson is in the act of forgiving.
That would be a wonderful lesson to learn.
2007-10-21 15:56:29 · answer #3 · answered by theladygeorge 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, talk to your friend and tell them how you feel. Maybe they don't even realize what they are doing. I'm one of those people that would just lets things go and go, until I'd finally blow up. That never solved anything and only made me more upset. I try now to deal with things as they come along and get them out of the way. If you hold onto anger and resentment, it can really hurt you, even your health. Get everything out in the open now with your friend and don't let things build up. Good Luck!
2007-10-21 15:11:31 · answer #4 · answered by luvspbr2 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Simply try rearranging it in your thought system. No one can be everything at all times. So many of us have been told to "Forgive & Forget". For me, forgiving comes easy. Yet if I forget, then I might let my guard down & be nice to the same people who lashed out at me in the first place. I can forget about the negative things up to a certain point, then I have to approach those types of people in a different manner than I did before the so-called "wronging", if you get my drift! People will never be perfect. I think that once a person wrongs you, then you should be suspect of them until they show by their own actions that they are no longer a threat towards you. I suppose that this is the meaning behind the old saying of, "ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS"! An apology is meaningless if the person giving it is still treating you in a sub-human manner! My advice would be that you should go with your heart & let your mind & heart find a balance that YOU find to be agreeable with your own sense of self-worth. It isn't always easy to walk away...yet sometimes you need to in order to save yourself the pain of having to deal with the heartburn that sometimes accompanies resentment & anger! I like to use a feather pillow to pound on & I sometimes use & abuse words to vent when I feel as if I have been personally attacked by others. After I sleep on it, I realize that I simply took the words of another to mean something more than I should have. I gets easier with age to accept the things that you just cannot change. Some people want to change & when they make that choice & remove themselves from the front steps of being a doormat for another, then the person who has been wiping their feet on you has to make a change & this can & does upset their balance in life & now you have to deal with attacks of a different nature...ones that are foreign to you & to them. It's just better to walk away & let others call you a coward if they wish to...you know that what you are doing is simply a form a SELF PRESERVATION! Fighting gets you nowhere...It simply fuels another persons fire & unless you want to keep on fighting for your life...simply walk away until you can figure out why it bothers you that the other person has "wronged you"! Adults carry many things from their own childhoods into their adult lives. Some drink to forget. Some eat to forget. Others shop to forget. It's better to deal with it as soon as you can in a manner that you are comfortable with. Humans change constantly & the best freedom is the kind that a person gets when they try to achieve a balance of knowing that they can try it again until they achieve a balance that suits their own personal wants & needs. I hope something you read today has helped you with your question.
2007-10-21 20:42:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd let it go. If that person was really your friend, this would not happen. The greater the hurt, the greater the blessing that will come with forgiveness. Do not allow anger and resentment in your life because only you will be harmed, not the other party. With forgiveness comes release and peace.
2007-10-21 15:05:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
You're going to get a lot of answers on this question, because it's a good one - and here's a star for it!
I've read the answers above me, and everything I would have said has already been said. I will reiterate, the only thing that will really work, is let it go and go on being your own wonderful, loving self. That's the only way you'll feel venerated.
2007-10-21 15:23:03 · answer #7 · answered by Cranky 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
okay, I'll tell you what I know about this subject...and what I learned to do when resentment takes over. It's gonna sound weird, but it works for me.
I was told when I was resenting a person and it was eating at me, I had to commit to PRAYING for them, once a day, every day, for 3 weeks. doesn't matter what god you pray to. BUT you must ask as sincerely as you can for your god to give that person everything you would want for yourself.
yeah I know, weird.
It actually works, though...not just for me, but a lot of folks I know. I am not religious, but I believe that sincere prayer can affect us and our world. (If nothing else,it can affect the space between your ears...which is where your pain is.)
it also helps me to remember that the actual meaning of the word resentment is "re - FEELING"...and why in the world should I torment myself that way?
2007-10-21 15:31:45 · answer #8 · answered by min 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
flower child, i do not know if i can help. i DO know that if you hold on it, that it will eat at you, and can give you ulcers. i can only guess by your question, that this person has been coming to you for advice, or crying on your shoulder, and you end up being used just my guess. seems like you have been used. i would let loose of it and chalk it up to experience. please do not dwell on it. it will hurt you more than her. or him. been there . and then maybe you allowed this to happen. tell you what. try forgiving her. i mean REALLY forgiving her. it might be hard to do, but in the end, you will feel better, not bitter. smile, oldtimer.
2007-10-21 20:29:54 · answer #9 · answered by oldtimer 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well Dear! What you MUST remember is that 100% of the negative karma is on your friend! As long as you remain a good, strong, person nothing can hurt you! So--- hold your head up and smile. fully confident that you are the better person! And the next time her back is turned,------flip her off! LOL
2007-10-21 20:20:13 · answer #10 · answered by michelledenay 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋