My husband does not work. I pay all bills. I am very insecure about my future. Please advise!!?

Question

I know for fact my husband loves me & we still love each other's company since we've been married 8 years now. The concern is past these 8 years, he works on and off; he is now 33 years old and has been sitting at home for almost about 6 months each year. During his unemployment time I am expected to pay all his bills, gas & food. I`m 32 years old; very insecure about my future; I cannot think of having a baby until my husband works seriously. I work very hard & stretch myself to pay mortgage bills & to run both our lives. I`m now stressed out...nothing has changed in 8 years with this man? What should I do...he keeps asking for more time. Shall I give him another year? or should I give up? Please advise!

Answer 1

get rid of him - and your life will become easier and more secure - less bills to pay!

Answer 2

Your husband is making excuses and you are allowing it. If you have been married for 8 years and he has been working when he feels like it for the past 8 years, then chances are he didn't have a good work ethic before you married him. I am somewhat in your situation to where I handle all the bills and have to think of everything, but my husband works full-time and always has.

Give him another year to do what? There are places hiring left and right. He just needs to apply himself and go find him a job. Whether it be at a fast food restaurant or at a corporate office, he needs to get a job. Unemployment runs out after a while. What kind of man would sit back and let his woman pay all the bills while he is sitting on his ***? I am sorry, but that wouldn't fly at my house.

I would suggest you give him a firm ultimatum and stick with it. He needs to go to a temporary agency or something. I would not give him another year. I would give him 3 months to find a job or I would be separating. Also, he needs to be required to stay on that job for a long time, unless he is terminated for something beyond his control. He is not serious and he is just using you. All he has to do is give you some BS excuse about why he can't find work and ask you to give him more time and you accept.

I mean really ... would you aggressively pursue a job if you had somebody taking care of you?

Answer 3

Wow, once a guy was dating quit school and didn't work for about 2 months, after that time I told him he had a month to find a job or move out. He did and we were married for 5 years and did very well. I think he just needs to grow up. I would give him a set amount of time, and tell him he needs to start today spending his time looking for work at least a few hours each day. I would also say to him he should sign up with some temp agencies to help him find a job when he is off of work in his field.
Cheers,
Lady Webmaster

Answer 4

I can completely relate to this post. I have been married for 8 years. In the beginning my husband was in the Airforce and life was great, I worked at an insurance company. He was injured in the military and they medically discharged him. He has been through two colleges (both of which I had to sign him up for) and never finished as well as numerous jobs (that I had to send the apps in), if he has a dr apt, I have to take off work to drive him. He wont do anything at all except play video games. He really doesn't want to work at all. He complains of his injuries every day and does nothing until I throw a fit. I am the breadwinner and work my butt off each day to make it the lifestyle I thought he missed but now I ask myself every day when I leave. When is it truly over. I love him but he is killing us and this has been for the last five years. .

Answer 5

Why don't you ask him this? Then see his response. If he is willing to "step upto the plate" and tries some career change or find a stable job then you have your answer. Otherwise, you know what you have to do with this man.

It is kind of strange to me that you have this feeling for 8 years and have not mentioned a word to him. But then again, if he blew you off for 8 years then you already have your answer.


There is a flip-side to this coin also. Some careers are that way (e.g. hollywood and even some advertising careers). Some careers are not stable, but when the job is there money is good. So this is another thing to keep in mind.

Well, whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 6

I am going to tell you the truth. Any man who would sit on his butt while his wife supports him does not deserve his wife.

It is different if he can't find a job,or he is injured, he he loses a job through no fault of his own. Obviously he can find a job since he is employed about half the time.

Love is very much associated with respect. He doesn't respect you are he would help. It also sounds like you have lost respect for him.

Give him a month not a year. If nothing chances see a lawyer. Marriage counselors are for those who both recognize there is a problem and want to change.

I am a guy btw.

Answer 7

You sound like your in the exact same position as the girl I work with. She is the only one working and paying bills. She is very unhappy and not a very nice person to be around. I feel sorry for her but she has become so resentful of him it has made her bitter and hateful to the entire world. She deserves better and so do you. Sit your husband down and give him an ultimatum. Either get a job and keep it or its over! Then stick to it. Or live with the situation and become bitter.

Answer 8

33 years old? He is in his prime work years. To sit at home and waste half of his years of best income potential is absurd. Things won't get better as he gets older. You didn't describe his education or skills, but even if these are most basic, sitting on a couch will not move him up any company ladder.
Give him an ultimatum or you are wasting your time. He should be a man and find a full time job tomorrow.

Answer 9

What to say, what to say.....time for a serious sit down and talk.....not just for a yeah, yeah, yeah, ....tell him you love him, and feel comfortable with his company, BUT.....You didn't take him to raise....he should have been grown when you got married. Who ask who? Draw some lines......put deadlines down.....IF you love me, you will see the toll it is taking on me and our relationship.....this is a two way street, and I've been carrying the load way too long.....it has to change and you get a job to pay half or you have to get out and pay all your own because I am probably entitled to alimony with 8 years down the drain. That's not where I want to go, but what you have "allowed" it to come to. The ball is now in your court and your decision will be made in what you do. I've told you, how it is, and that's it.....and stand by it.....that's the best you can do as I see it....good luck! Stand by your guns girl.

Answer 10

If this guy hasn't gotten steady employement and has repeated this pattern over the past 8 years, I'd dump his lazy, sorry a s s. He may be the nicest guy you've ever met but he is being selfish by not providing for you and stressing you out. A marriage is a partnership...and right now, he's the only one sitting around on his thumbs.

Answer 11

Don't pay his bills. If he doesn't pay his share of the rent, kick him out. It's been way too long. I undestand if a guy lost his job and was struggling for a year or two but 8 years!!! He is lazy and is taking advantage of the situation. If he loved you so much (not your company only), he wouldn't want you to work so hard and stress out.