We live on opposite sides of the U.S and my husband just found out that his daughter talks of wanting to commit suicide when she gets upset. She is 15 and we are so worried and don't know how to handle this-she lives with her very controlling,mentally abusive other parent and stays away from her home quite a bit and spends alot of her time at a friends house that she considers her best friend. We are confused as to an approach-normally parents (divorced) would try together for an intervention or some type of solution, but that is not possible with the other parent as this person is very irrational and would only blame instead of look for a solution-needless to say the parents are not on good speaking terms and a peaceful conversation is simply not possible. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. The teen has no idea that we know these details and we want to be able to pull her out of her dismay. We've offered for her to come and live with us before but it has only caused problems.
2007-10-21 06:36:31 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thankyou all soo much for your input-it really helps alot!!
2007-10-22 13:06:10 · update #1
This number and site is not just for teens but for people who want to help them too. They have trained counselors and might be able to help you with this.
Girls and Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
Call With any Problem, Anytime
Open 24 hours a day, everyday
2007-10-21 06:41:46 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It seems you place a lot of blame on the other parent. With the father living so far away he isn't such a good parent either. If he really wants to help he should move to the same state and city as the daughter.
Perhaps the child feels lonely and is going through peer pressures. She needs someone near by who she trusts and can confide in. If she has talked about harming herself it means she has given it much thought.
In her mind she sees that as a way out from her troubles. If something isn't done to try and help her. She may attempt it. There are some that attempt suicide but to seek attention. At one point they take it to far and succeed. I know of a few. If the circumstances that are causing her to think this way don't change. Her idea won't change.
The best the father can do is to try to find out what has been going on in her life. Something must be wrong. It could be anything like she thinks she has no friends. The guy she likes doesn't like her. For her to confide what it is. She must feel trust. And that there is a real desire to help and understand what she is going through.
2007-10-21 13:54:11 · answer #2 · answered by Memory 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband has to talk to his daughter and see how she feels about moving there to be with you. you mention that it caused problems when you offered to let her come live with you but I suspect you mean problems between the parents?
He can tell her all the advantages of being there with you - local attractions she can visit, things that she can do that she would enjoy, that she can keep in touch with her friends over the internet, and so on, and if he can convince her that it would be better for her, then he can file for custody and permission to take his daughter out of that state to yours because of the mentally abusive mother. If for some reason that can not be done, he should notify protective services in her area that the daughter is having problems with the mother but she would probably be place in a foster home then.
It is good for a child to have both parents in their lives but not when one of the parents is abusive. I hope for the daughter's sake you can get her there with you in a better situation.
2007-10-21 13:57:11 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of how the girl's parents are getting along, they ARE her parents. They need to know. They know her best, and are the ones who will ultimately have to sign any papers to get her some help. TELL THEM.
Speaking as someone who has lost a loved one to suicide, and had to endure the pain with a child who turned to cutting, PLEASE do not let this go any longer. She has thought about this, and, contrary to what some may say about "oh she said it so she won't do it..." she will try something if she doesn't get help. It's not about you finding the best solution. It's about finding her some help. NOW.
2007-10-21 13:41:57 · answer #4 · answered by Chels 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your first step is to call the suicide hotline.
She needs to know that you both know about her suicide threats and that you both love her very much and don't want anything to happen to her.
Also, offer her a place to stay, even if her mother gets mad and angry.. it's about the child and the best living situation for her.
If her home is not suitable your husband should report this because it's a dangerous lifestyle if she's living with someone who is not responding to her suicide threats.
2007-10-21 14:20:46 · answer #5 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is screaming for help. If her parents arent capable of taking care of the situation. Consult with authorities. Either via her school counselor or the local mental health facility. When dealing with teens, time is of the essence.
Immediate intervention is imperative!
2007-10-21 14:08:33 · answer #6 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
normally when someone talks of killin themself, they usually dont do it...... i feel really sorry 4 you, you must be out of your mind with worry!!!!!
this girl seems like she wants attention, so give her some atke her out spoil her!!!!! she might hate that her parents live so far appart and torn between the pair...
y dont you sit down with the other parent and talk about arrange does th child have a proper routine in life or is she just drag backwards and forwards..
maybe the childs even made 2 feel guilty about being at one or the other parents houses.
this really isnt a nice situation for a child....
try and think about the situation then put yourself in her shoes!!!!!
2007-10-21 13:51:24 · answer #7 · answered by Sam T 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think you should take this very seriously and try to call soon out reach programs then maybe get her some counceling to find out whats really going on
2007-10-21 15:04:42 · answer #8 · answered by poohbeark19 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be really stupid of the parents to not even try. They will regret it later if they wait too long to intervene. Be PROACTIVE not REACTIVE.
2007-10-21 14:04:12 · answer #9 · answered by Eric Lee 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
let them do it if you love them. if they love you they will come back to you...that how the proverb goes.
2007-10-21 23:19:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋