Traditional Family Values and Women who Work?

Question

Over the last couple of years, I have seemingly run into a new (to me) trend. Many of the men I've met have expressed an interest in only marrying women who work. They have expressed a disinterest in being the person responsible not only for their children's upkeep, but their spouses, as well. However, to a man they also stated that they believe they should be the Head of their Household, and that men and women should fulfill traditional gender roles. The first man I heard this from, it didn't shock me because he is very religious and I knew where the thought process came from. The rest of the men were either anti-religious or non-Christian based religions such as pagan.
Is anyone else noticing this trend, or is it a geographic issue (I live in the buckle of the Bible belt, so I know that causes people to think a bit differently than in other regions)?

Answer 1

If I understand .. these men are saying they don't want to be the only one with a pay check but they want to be the only one who makes the decisions for the marriage and family?

I have not seen a trend there but now that you told me I'm going to pay attention and see.

Also there are "men" who want to control the marriage or relationship but don't want any responsibility for caring for it. They are sociopaths. Some of them post in here ..

Answer 2

I believe it may be an economically geographical issue. In the Northeast, where I'm from, two income families are pretty much the norm out of necessity unless the husband (or wife, but usually the man) makes beaucoup bucks. Then the wife is lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mom. I only ran into a few of those when my kids were in pre-school, and even fewer still the older they got. I always worked; part-time when they were little, and full time when they were in school all day, and my husband helped out around the house. My kids benefitted from having grandparents who could be with them when they came home from school, so daycare was never an issue. But, that is the main issue for working women everywhere, so if husbands want their wives to work, they have to take this into consideration, and pull their weight around the house. There is no way one person can do everything.
Men have to realize that they can have either a full time housekeeper or someone contributing to the family bankroll...can't have both. And as for this "Head of Household" thing...that's a religious thing that my husband and I don't buy into. We are equal partners in our relationship and that is that.

Answer 3

Personally, I think both men and women should work so that neither has to work very long hours but at the same time, neither should be at home with the children because that is a role perfectly suited for the children's grandparents or aunts and uncles. That sort of in-the-family childcare is important to creating and maintaining lasting social networks. I think the value placed on money and other symbolic wealth has a lot to do with the attitude you observed but I end up with the same result for my own reasons which lead me away from calling this a dangerous trend. I wonder though, how the Head of Household issue relates to the idea of "injured masculinity" that's part of the recent research in gender and politics.

Answer 4

The men I have been with, only wanted an financially independent woman with a good career. They were not the kind who would be OK with a housewife as her career. However, I, personally enjoy mixing up the modern and traditional roles to make up my own version of a woman. I do the same with my spiritual, cultural and political convictions---I like mixing things up--why can't we at least attempt to have the best of both worlds? It doesn't have to be black and white. I have to tell you though, I have not bumped into too many men who would be OK with a woman without a career....but then again my circle of people may not represent the entire trend, cuz I don't date men who are not career-oriented and educated either.

Answer 5

I haven't noticed that trend. I'm still only interested in women who will take care of my children properly by staying home.

But as a man, I'll agree with you that traditional gender roles aren't necessarily appropriate when the woman works. If a woman helps the man do his work, then she should expect him to help her do hers (housework, etc.).

Answer 6

I'm glad I'm not running into men like that, other than the deeply religious traditional family values guys. The majority of men I meet every day are college educated and want a partner who is educated as well, not for the money necessarily, but so they have an equal partner, They don't want a child to care for, they want a partner to share their lives with.

Since I'm around older adults (40+) quite often, they don't need a woman to have kids or take care of their houses, they often already have kids, and take care of their houses themselves. They don't want or need a nursemaid or housekeeper, they want an intellectual and romantic partner.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

What you're talking about has been around for years. I've seen those same women come home from work, while hubby takes time off, relaxes in the Lay-Z-Boy; she's starting her second job, cooking and taking care of the kids.

Answer 9

i have noticed that men do want their women to be successful because for most of them, it adds to their ego that they can snag a successful woman but when it comes to contributing to domestic duties and a partnership relationship, they don't want to be part of it. It is usually men who have fragile egos who feel threatened by women in power yet feel great when they can snag them. These men are not worth my while.
As for traditional values tauting men, i do understand it. Traditional values are to the advantage of men so i see how they would want to promote it but when women do, that's when i wonder. It's like people who promote sexist propagandas against their own gender. Really, why?

Answer 10

I've read about this trend before. Men are getting tired of having to provide for another adult. They want a woman who can fend for herself. They may not like to admit this to their male friends as much as they like to admit it to you.