My husband lost his job 3 months ago. He's been interviewing and actively looking for a full time job. He's had no success. During this time he has become more and more distant. He recently told me he didn't love me romantically anymore an wanted a divorce. However, he wants the house. He can't afford the house without my contributions. My mother is a lawyer and advised that I get out immediately and stop putting money into the house. I want to get this over with as soon as possible but I also want to be humane about it. He wants me to wait til he has a job, mom wants me to leave now and put the house up for sale... She feels that his parents can afford to make the payments for him. I'm so stressed!! He and I are not angry with each other and are in agreement to divorce...I have no problem sleeping in 2 parts of the house until he finds a job and continuing to pay part of the mortgage. (his parents pay his part) WHAT SHOULD I DO?
2007-10-21 05:59:21 · 13 answers · asked by bsg_22 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, thank God that your mother is a lawyer and is there to give you some straight, un-emotional advice in your time of upheaval. You are a much, much nicer person than your husband, who sounds like something of a cold, selfish jerk.
Your mother is right. His parents are making his payments now and will continue to do so for their little boy. He is taking care of himself, his parents are taking care of him - who is taking care of you? If it weren't for your mother's clear head, you'd be in imminent danger of really getting screwed.
Forget being "humane". He thought nothing of coming home and announcing, "I don't love you anymore, I want a divorce AND the house, continue to make the payments and then get lost when it's convenient for me." You say you want to get this over with as soon as possible, and you are absolutely right. Nothing worthwhile is going to be gained by the two of you continuing to reside in the same house as uneasy roomates.
You have rights, too. By allowing him to call the shots and waiting until the magical moment, whenever it may be, that he finds employment, you could be allowing him to drag this out for months. Why should you have to wait until the time is right for him? He wanted this divorce, not you. Listen to your mom, whom you know has your best interests at heart, and don't waste any more time on sentiment and charity for someone who gives every impression of not caring a bit about YOUR feelings.
2007-10-21 06:27:01 · answer #1 · answered by lighght30 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your mother was not a lawyer and you went to one, the lawyer would probably tell you the same thing your mother is telling you, to move out and move on. The fact that he said he didn't love you and wanted a divorce may be a sign of depression since he lost his job and hasn't been able to find another but he may change his mind once he is working again and want to keep the marriage together so it is better you make the split now and get it over with. Listen to your lawyer whether she is your mother or not. You cna even blame her for the fact that you are moving out, that it was on the advice of your lawyer without necessarily telling him that you are using your mother as your lawyer although he may figure that out fast enough.
2007-10-21 06:18:38 · answer #2 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is strange in a time of need a man wants the woman to leave. If that is what he truly wants a divorce I think it might be best if he leave. If you don't care if he has the house then you can leave but I think he should just leave. It is up to you if he stays or not but if it was me and it's not but if it was I would not want to be in the same house as him. It makes me angry to think of it. Your mother is probably right that you should stop putting money on the house especially since he wants it.
2007-10-21 06:05:39 · answer #3 · answered by bssd12000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are in mutual agreement, then you got to start the proceedings. Make sure this is not passing phase or unemployment related depression.
Let him buy you out and you buy your own house OR if you can buy him out and let him find his own place. The house value may be negotiable between you two.
It seems you two have amicable relationship, so whatever the decision will be much better immediately. If you wait indefinitely, the finger pointing will start, and you both will part with a deep lifelong bitterness.
2007-10-21 06:32:00 · answer #4 · answered by vcs7578 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, because he is feeling sorry for himself now you have to move? Well, if I were you I would listen to mom and get out now. He isn't willing to work through this rough patch and wants to call it quits so I would not feel badly about moving now.
It is commendable that he is still avidly trying to find employment but since he wants to be out of the marriage, sounds like something more might be going on and if he is unwilling to work with you then he is on his own.
Let his parents take care of him and get on with your life. What if he doesn't find a job for a year?! Is your staying really about you wanting to wait to see if he changes his mind? What happens if he does this again down the road when something else doesn't go his way.
He is not committed and you don't owe him anything.
2007-10-21 06:13:38 · answer #5 · answered by Indya M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your mother, girl!
She's a lawyer, so she knows what she is talking about.
She's also your mother, so she DEFINITELY knows what is best for you.
You may say that you two aren't angry with eachother but look, he wants the divorce, you don't have to wait around for him to get on track.. do it now.
He's the one that wanted it and since he doens't love you romantically anymore, why should you care? He thinks he deserves the house though he's not even stable with a job, please! He sounds selfish and money hungry, if you ask me.
So, follow Mom's lead and get out now, before he gets lucky and gets more then he deserves.
2007-10-21 06:13:16 · answer #6 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like your mom has never liked your husband or she wouldn't be so adamate that you get away with him.
If you truly don't love him anymore, get the divorce underway. Let him have the house because he can't afford it without you - then buy your own house and move on.
2007-10-21 06:15:51 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen to your mother cause she is advising you right cause he may never get a job anytime soon with this economy . Leave and let his butt stay there I am sure his parents will get tired of making the house payments and they will let him move in with them . I wish you luck and just leave he is not going to change . good luck .
2007-10-21 06:44:59 · answer #8 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave now... he could have waited till he got a job before saying he wanted a divorce, he didn't. There is no reason for you to wait
2007-10-21 07:01:47 · answer #9 · answered by growing inside 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get get out now.....it is quite obvious that it was not a good match. For him to tell you that he doesn't love you and wants a divorce, what are you waiting for? End it and move on
2007-10-21 13:39:22 · answer #10 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋