LOVE IS A DECISION
To be loved is a basic need for all of us. And in order to be loved, we must love others. Love begets love, and vice versa. It is also the greatest commandment of God—that we love God and love others as we love ourselves.
Therefore, love is not basically a feeling or emotion—because we cannot reasonably be commanded to have a feeling. We cannot always control our feelings. But we can have control over our decisions and over our behaviour. Love is a decision and a behaviour. We are to love, whether we feel like it or not. And when we do, the feelings of love inevitably follow later.
Jay Adams, the well-known American Christian counsellor tells of a case where a married couple were determined to get a divorce—their marriage, they said, had reached the end—they have no love left for one another.
2007-10-21 05:03:58 · 15 answers · asked by Eric Chua Yanshan Maynas 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
The counsellor said, "I'm sorry to hear that there is no love left in your marriage. That's serious. If you don't love one another there's only one thing to do." The couple thought - Good! He is going to advise divorce, which is what we want! But No! The counsellor went on to say, "You will both have to learn how to love one another."
The wife said, "How can you learn to love? You can't produce feelings out of the air."
"I wasn't talking about feelings," said the counsellor, "I was talking about love. Love is not first of all a feeling. Rather it is first manifested through giving. You have to learn to give of yourself, even when the other party is
not very loving or lovable toward you—and this is hard at times, but it can be done. If you both learn to do this, you can have a wonderful marriage."
Whether we agree with this statement or not, there is one thing that counsellors worldwide agree upon—that love is a decision. It is within our will to decide to love.
2007-10-21 05:05:37 · update #1
As Jay Adams says, "God would not command us to do something which is not possible for us." And there is ample evidence that we can change our attitude by the exercise of our will and by practice—it can be done.
In fact—and this is something that very few people understand—all our behaviour is a decision—except for aberrations in behaviour due to mental illness.
It follows—as a leading counsellor has stated—that all behaviour modification is a learning process. We learn firstly by a decision, and then by practice to behave in a different way.
2007-10-21 05:06:30 · update #2
lolz, yes it is too long :) thanks!
2007-10-21 05:10:19 · update #3
:) yellowstonedogs
It does mean something :) thanks you!
2007-10-29 02:50:12 · update #4
thanks vico!
2007-10-29 02:53:46 · update #5
some of that i agree with & yes we decide we love someone
but we have to have an attraction for them first Surely!!
& yes if they are very nice to us we can get very attracted to them
but you still need the attraction in the beginning how they smell walk talk laugh look & how they treat you etc
now say after you have been married or with someone for a while & they change in your opinion or show their true self & you dont like it
you tell yourself you dont care for them anymore (self talk)
so yes thats a decision you dont love them
but there was an attraction in the beginning i think & if you loved at the start you can keep it up if you dont just give up
you have to keep working at it & yes be nice to your partner so she will love you back visa versa :)
2007-10-21 11:56:05 · answer #1 · answered by ausblue 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Love is not a decision we make, or we would have far more control over our emotions.
If we decided to love someone, then by extension we could also decide not to love someone.
Eric, you know that is never the case.
We can rarely help who we love.
Additionally, I don't know if you can (re)learn how to love.
Isn't this better if it just grows naturally?
I agree with Southern Lady somewhat love comes from mutual caring.
EDIT:
Please ignore all the above, I have no idea what I'm talking about.
2007-10-28 06:39:50 · answer #2 · answered by Yellowstonedogs 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
very true indeed.
You have to learn to give of yourself, even when the other party is
not very loving or lovable toward you—and this is hard at times, but it can be done. ------ this requires a lot of patience . only the good hearted ones understand better. when you are in the receiving end you can feel the pain when some one does not love you back.
but if you are beautiful within God will see that you get loved. it all leads to how you choose to be happy. give love in abundance and expect less in return. at times we have to face loveless phase of our life.
2007-10-21 13:00:21 · answer #3 · answered by sandhya p 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is indeed !!! And it is also a feeling. When we meet someone we like , we try ways and means to get to know the person better or rather know a person. If you disagree with that because love may be too strong a word in this instance (maybe like would be more appropriate). Lets do the opposite. If we see something or someone we hate, we immediately get repelled by them. Now!! if we would only Decide to overlook the ugliness of things and give the object a second chance at love, it could happen. For example, John is madly in love with Mary but cannot stand her stupid pet which is so noisy and messy, to the extend of hatred for it. More often than not, he would try to love the pet and eventually sincerely love it. Its happend before to a friend of mine who hated the girlfriends spoilt brat. In the end, he just had to Decide to treat him differently (maybe against his true feelings for him) to prove that they could marry and live happily. As time goes by, Jordan was touched by Johns superficial love and reciprocrated with genuine love which begot Johns genuine love. Eventually, he really loved the spoilt brat. They got along fine. This is made possible by Johns decision to love the kid. Even if we have freeling of love for a person, we can control our feelings. Thus, we have to decide to love unconditionally or uninhibitedly or walk away from it. I have decided to walk away from love (mutual love) because it would breakup her family. Its true, I swear. Just to get to the point, it is a yes, love is a decision. (often stemming from feelings).
2007-10-21 14:32:25 · answer #4 · answered by Vico 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Goodness - sure wished that I'd had that counselor in my past years. Actually it's chemistry that usually gets couples together and then respect and caring that keeps them together. I think love comes through the caring and respect part. May be all be so Blessed as to find that other person.
2007-10-21 13:34:36 · answer #5 · answered by happy_southernlady 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a choice we have to "remake" on a daily basis. I chose to love my husband yesterday, despite "everything." Today I am in the process of making that decision again.
2007-10-22 09:37:07 · answer #6 · answered by Lady M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
by reading literature one makes every thing clumsy in respect to love therefore accept the natural instinct and enjoy. Don't be depressed. You have changed.
2007-10-21 22:28:30 · answer #7 · answered by baba 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For me , it is but not all the time though. You can always choose to walk away or stay, give chance and heal. Sometimes it works, sometimes not but you'll never know til you try
You're story is too long!!
2007-10-21 12:07:51 · answer #8 · answered by Kitty in Red 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your story is rather long, but I think what you are referring too is also considered mutual respect.
You can learn to love someone that you respect.
Good question/story.
2007-10-21 12:14:02 · answer #9 · answered by Lili 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
True love is in fact a decision.
I Cr 13;8a
2007-10-21 17:13:12 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋