What do I do.. Wife cheated while I was away and moved in?

Question

I have been married to my wife for 3 years. And the past 4 months we have been having problems. It all started out like this.

We seemed very happy, we had very few problems. But I had to go on an extended business trip and could not take my wife with me. So I had my wife go to her parents house because we were planning on relocating and I had to find a place first.

When I was gone my wife started saying things like "you just shipped me out here because you want to divorce me." etc etc.... my wife for some reason got the idea in her head that I was abandoning her, which was FARTHEST from the truth. Realizing there was problems, I quit my new job opportunity and packed my bags and drove all the way across country to try and fix our marriage.

After moving in with my wife I found out that while i was away she was sending sexually explicit text messages to a workmate as well as nude photos back and forth. When I found out I approached her about it and she was hysterical. She was crying beggin and pleading for me not to leave her because she loves me so much and she was so sorry. Apparently nothing happened other than nude photos and the sex text messages....

Regardless I stuck it out. But because I am young and this is my first marriage i never even thought of marriage counselling. Things seemed to be going good. My wife was still acting the way she did when she was first married.

But then a few weeks later I caught her sending more sexually explicit text messages. This time to a guy that she had been playing video games with for a while. She used to slip outside and call him for hours on the phone. Once again. I put an end to it, she said she was very sorry and felt very bad about what she did.

The next week I had to fly to Arizona for a business trip. I bought my wife a plane ticket to come out 2 weeks later. The first few days I was out there she would always call me telling me that she loves me and misses me and can't wait to see me. But 4 day's later she started calling some new 20 year old alcoholic kid she met over a video game. The next day she told me she didnt love me anymore, and that she is falling in love with a new guy. I asked her to end it immediately because it would not be good for our marriage. She said "its too late, im in too deep Jason. I don't want to break his heart." So now she is worried about the heart of someone she has been talking to for a few days and not the man she's been married to for 3 years?HuhHuh?? A few days after that she said she never loved me and she is deeply in love with this new kid she just started talking to.

A week later she rerouted the ticket i bought for her to fly to texas to meet this kid. She ended up having sex with him and called me telling me that she had been praying to god to help end our marriage and to send her a man to make her happy. And thats when "god showed me danny." She told me that she realizes that our marriage has very few problems and could easily work out, but she doesnt want it to work becausse she is in love with "danny" now. She was going to move in with this kid and his dad. But his dad found out she wass married and that his son is a homewrecker so he banned her from his home.

So now my wife moved in to one of his friends house. She works a crap job at starbucks, and says she is divorcing me as soon as she saves up the money because "me and danny are going to be together forever, we are so deeply in love, and he makes me happier than you ever made me."

I just dont undertstand it. I havent heard from my wife in almost a month now.

All I know is she is living a new life with someone she met over the internet and moved to be with inside a month.

I am shocked and deeply hurt that she says I never meant anything, and she has no regrets. She cut off all her family (and so has he), she cut off all her friends, and she cut me off too.... After 3 years she just decided to end it all... How can people have no remorse? Will she ever realize her mistake? I tried doing everything, and STILL want to reconcile with my wife... But she says I'm a horrible person that deserves to die. bla bla bla.......

What hurts the most, is she was ALWAYS very affectionate, warm and loving. Even the week before I left we did so much together like going to the park, the beach, the movies. She always held my hand, and acted all giddy in my presence. Always hugging cuddling and telling me how much she loves me.... So I am utterly dumbfounded and don't know what to do. I want her back so bad..

None of us have residency where we live so we can't file for divorce for 6 months. Im not filing, and doubt she can afford it. Is there hope? Do people like this regret and come back? Im 25 she's almost 24.

Also note too that my wife suffers from depression, and very low self esteem. Even if I was gone for just 1 day she would have guy friends over to keep her from being lonely. I tried my hardest to make her feel beautiful and would always try doing little things like making breakfast in bed and writing i love you in syrup, and stuff like that. But I guess the little things like that meant nothing. She said she can never forgive me for anything I ever did wrong in the relationship... which is sad because I always forgave and forgot. And yet she used to also say that she is a horrible wife, and that I could do better than her. I would reassure her I only want to love her. But guess those feelings just continued tell she found someone that will make her "happy".

She told her mother that she doesn't regret her mistakes but she has learned from them... But I doubt that is true because if it was you woulddnt "be in love" with someone after a week... And move half way across country to be with them a few weeks later.

Will this relationship last forever like she thinks? I don't think so... neither side of the family supports it. He's just a kid, an alcoholic. They both make Min Wage, and act very immature together.... I don't see how it could work. I guess I'm hoping that if this doesnt work, and the fact she can't file for divorce for 6 months anyways, and the fact she makes so little and probably couldnt afford to file gives me some hope... But prove me wrong. What do I do? I'm so lost and hurt =( It's been a month, and I've been cut off cold turkey after being together almost everyday for 3 years. Can someone like this really live this lie forever, or do they come crawling back?

Answer 1

as much as i hate to say this i think its over ......for get her....
she will be whit this new guy for a wile on til someone else catches her eye..and so on...just be glad you don't have any children.....give her the divorce shes looking for and move on...
your still very young and have your whole life a head of you....
its better now than later....she dosent love you and never has...don't wast any more time on her ....let her go..!!
your a nice guy ....find someone new to love and who will love you back.......good luck

Answer 2

Look, You may be the nicest guy on the planet, but you put up with WAAAAAY too much and make WAAAAAY too many excuses for your "wife". Why in the whole wide world would you tolerate this kind of treatment from anyone -- let alone you wife, supposed best friend and future mother of your children??? Are you kidding??? She's not the only one with low self-esteem!

Please see a counselor and find out where your self-preservation, self-esteem and self-respect have gone. You are so far past being an understanding guy and so far into being a total push-over doormat that it is bordering on self-abuse.

I am not trying to bash you so much as to wake you up to the fact that nobody would ever expect anyone to put up with the crap you are being so understanding about.

I don't give a rat's hat if she ever figures out anything or changes her mind. She has the maturity of a ten-year-old, the integrity of a street rat, the behavior of a selfish, out of control teen and the track record of the local video skank. Why in the whole wide world are you trying to build a life with this kind of out of control individual?

She does what she does because that's what she wants to do. The marriage was over long before it started. Get a lawyer and protect yourself before you are responsible for her financial disasters and messes. Do it today. She told you it is over. It never started. She has to learn who she is and what she wants and how to live her life. She may never do that. She has no intentions of changing anything. It works for her. She used you until the next idiot came along. Stop listening to people and watch what they do. People lie. A woman worth trusting never would have even thought about doing the crap she did. It is so Jerry Springer and you are so obviously a nice, intelligent guy that I just don't get it. She acts like scum because she IS. You fell for a dream. Face reality. Please. Drop this, dust off, get a lawyer and a therapist and get on with the great life a great guy like you deserves. You blew me away with this.

Answer 3

OMG!!! you so need to move on. the only thing that can help her is some medication. And as far as her realizing what she has done and if she will come back.....of course she will try. But honestly... No one even knows who you are on here but by just reading all that you wrote you can pritty much tell that you are sooooo serious and you love her alot. So you need to let her make her mistakes but you don't need to be any part of her crazy decisions and her mental issues.
you know what they say about "misery loves company". All she wants is some one to be around all the time to soak up her proplems.... to feel needed and wanted at all times. No one will be ever fullfill that part of her. She will have to do that on her own.... And unless you are willing to wait about 5 to 7 years then you need to move on. I don't understand why people think that the more throwed off a relationship is that it must mean that you are more in love with someone. You are mad and you feel decieved and you feel like because yall are married and she is with someone else its kinda like someone haveing your car and driving it around town .....they never paided you for it and you have the title.
Man just sign over the title already.....It has only been 3 years...... good thing you didnt have kids (i hope). Trust everyone when we all say that you will be glad you moved on!
Marraige is like learning to drive a car....
1st you get your drivers permit (1st marrage)
2nd you get your drivers lisence ( the real marrage)
So just L.I.G. it
L=let
I-it
G=go!

Answer 4

Honey, you pack your bags and run the other direction as fast as you can. Your wife is truly mixed up. You do not need this type of relationship. Ask yourself are you willing to continue in this behavior and accept always being placed second to her behavior? You are worth more and should be treated better than she has been treating you. It sounds like you are more of a friend to her than a husband.
Good luck honey, and after you have left, don't look back. There are many women in this world who would love a man who treated them well, and had a good job.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry to hear this. Your wife has been blinded by Satan. And no, that relationship will not last, once the ugly realities of life settle in. If you put God first in your life, He will help you restore your marriage.

If you truly want to save your marriage, then check out these websites for help on how to stand for your marriage with God.
Please check out Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp. They have a restored marriage after being divorced for about two years. They have a website and send devotionals everyday encouraging men and women to stand for their marriage and their spouse's salvation. Check out their archives.
https://rejoiceministries.org/devotion.php\

I highly recommend that you sign up for Doreen's Devotionals called Doreen's Daily Delights.. These are awesome.
http://marriagerestorationministries.org/

Here's another website for people standing for their marriages. They have a men's forum where you can talk to other men standing for their marriages. There is chat every Friday night. http://www.faithandmarriage.com/

Check out Jimmy and Karen Evans. They have a weekly tv show that discusses marriage. Their shows are on the internet that you can watch. Jimmy is excellent. Jimmy gives very practical guides on how to have a successful marriage.
http://www.marriagetoday.org/

Also check out this link concerning divorce and remarriage. I think you will be surprised. Many churches are blinded to the truth and even encourage people to divorce. Satan is tearing the church and marriages apart.
http://www.biblicalresearchreports.com/d...

Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 6

OH how so very sad.....your wife will NEVER be happy because she is not happy with herself......Like you said....she is depressed and lacks self esteem...and not to mention self respect.....You have been a real trooper through all of this.....you took her back time and time again.....I really think it is time to move on with your life....you can't help someone who isn't willing to help herself...How many more times can you be kicked in the teeth? You have to look deep down inside yourself and ask what is the best thing for you to do....only you know for sure....God bless you.....

Answer 7

It sounds like your wife has made her choice, would you really want her back after all that?......... Trust is a big enough issue now days........ unfortunately is it sounds as if she is trying to hold onto her childhood, playing video games with others..... etc......... I say, pack up your broken heart and move on....... get a divorce and mature , find a good woman who will care about you more than video games and move on with your life.....
I am so sorry that this has happened to you......... good luck

Answer 8

Your wife had issues long before you were married. I understand your hurt, but it's good that you found about these different guys, so you can move on with your life. Unless she changes (can't overnight), do not take her back, she's done it too much. Try counseling and keeping busy. Good luck!

Answer 9

It sounds like she has some major emotional issues. All you can do is take care of yourself. Get counseling to help you get through the divorce and move on with your life.

Answer 10

I piggyback what "whereRyou" said. I feel real bad for you man but now your only kidding yourself if you think it'll ever work out with her. Time for some self-evaluation.
Take care