How to deal with this Double Standard behaviour of mine?

Question

Why is it when my parents criticize me about something, it is annoying.
But when a friend or a teacher criticize me over the same issue, i tend to take it constructively. I don't feel annoyed.

Answer 1

because you're taking your parents for granted. you know them well and what to expect of them. plus, you are also more emotionally connected to them. whereas an outsider like the friend or the teacher that does not bound you with their expectations as much as your parent or any responsible parent would. and also, your emotion level are different from your friend or your teacher. so you feel more freedom to follow or not their criticism. so naturally, you'd see their criticism as constructive when its actually the same as your parents. just different source of outlets, y'know.

i guess when it comes to asking and accepting any advices, dont be too quick to throw it out of the window nor swallow it immediately. let it linger in your mind, do some rational thinking, level out the black and white, see if theres any gray spot you wish to eliminate or keep, etc, you'd become a more rounded person in the end, even if eventually you dismiss the whole idea, but still, its the whole process that counts.

hopefully by then, you'll also become less easily annoyed with your parents cause you're too busy thinking. =)

Answer 2

We believe our parents should love us exactly as we are. We see the role of parents as one to make us feel secure and like nothing in the world is wrong with us. Our "safe haven" from the critical eyes of the outside world. So, whenever our parents criticize there is an unconscious part of us that resists and wants to throw a temper tantrum. We want to yell back, "Hey! No fair! You are supposed to love me just the way I am!"

The answer to your annoyance is to accept that there will always be a part of you that wants this no matter how old you get. Work on the part of you that knows they love you and what they say is their attempt to make you "better" because they believe it is what will make you happier. Their intentions are good so try to focus on that and recognize that they do love you. You can simply respond with, "Thanks. I know you mean well." And let the resistance go as much as possible.


Be well.

Answer 3

Maybe you believe that your parents have always criticized you...so you are always guarded when they tell you things. Your friends and teachers usually provide support, so when they tell you the same thing...it just sounds like they are more understanding and helpful.

You need to talk with you parents and try to gain a better relationship with them. Sometimes people don't realize that they are criticizing...bring it to their attention that you feel that way and see if anything changes.

Good luck!!

Answer 4

It looks as though your parents have taken on their appropriate role as actually being a parent, unlike too many parents today who try and be friends with their sons or daughters. Your response is that of rebellion, so you treat them differently than you would your friends. This is perfectly natural and its good that you recognize the fact that maybe some more respect on your half is due.

Answer 5

you feel that your parents are nagging you, and friends and teachers are critquing you. yes it is a double standard. i had the same problem you just have to monitor your actions and your frame of mind when it happens and start moving your behavior oppisite than you would normally react. it takes work, now i come to my mother before anyone else and take her opinion above others cause of how i use to act i wasnt thinking about what she was really saying to me, i was just getting mad!

Answer 6

go to bed with one of them and sleep it off