i just don't understand (parents)?

Question

im now 19 and dont live w/ my parents but when i did they never yelled at me unless i did something serously wrong and when i had a questions like wanting to go on birth control at 16 my mom just asked why and set everything up after having a long long talk w/ me...also my dad was fine w/ bfs as long a he meet them and they did mostly what he said...my parents knew where i was 99.9% of the time and i never lied to them about sex or drugs or drinking even if was under age (still am)
my parents were my best friends and talked to me like a friend and an adult

did i just get lucky or what is wrong w/ these crazy parents who freak out and yell and scarem or just don't care what their teen does?
my parents listened maybe that is whats wrong w/ familys today i talk to my mom and dad everyday and still don't lie to them

i also moved out 2 weeks before my 19th birthday to go live w/ my at that time we were together for 3 years
my parents weren't happy to see me move out but they cared enough to understand that is what i wanted to do and my bf needed help paying rent and that cuz he came from a different kinda family and a very small house he needed out of

my parents never said no drinking...but i also didn't do it til i was 17 hangin out w/ older ppl (21-23) who my parents knew...my parents never bought me drinks or anything like that (coming for a alcoholic father) and the only drug was smoking pot and they were very mad and said no more of that and both admited to trying it

Answer 1

wow! Those parents are really low-key. They don't panic or react, they just go with the flow, talk about stuff with their kid, and make the logical, or best answer. And being supportive all the time.

I have a 21 yo daughter, just graduating college, and I would not have gone for the moving in with bf thing. I feel it is spiritually and morally wrong.

The families today are of two types: children raising children, and older parents raising childre.

The first, a child gets pregnant 13-17 yo, has no earthly idea how to raise a child, just wants to be left alone so she can be a child. They may have some help from parents or the child's dad, but overall the parenting is below the norm.

The second, a professional couple gets pregnant when they're in their late 30s to early 40s, and they had no idea how a child was going to change their lives. Chasing toddlers takes energy that the older parents may not have. They are used to ordering food, a housekeeper cleaning their house, and surrounding their lives with their personal wants and tastes. Kids will change that right quick.

In both of these cases, parental ire is high, and if the parents haven't been educated how to maneuver, how to parent, how to discipline their child, their frustration surfaces in yelling and screaming at the kid.

Add to that the growing number of ADHD kids and autistic children, and you've got a population of parents that need help in a really bad way, and no one to provide that help.

You had wonderful parents. If they are up to it, they should be wonderful foster parents.

Take care,

Debbie
Mine are 17 & 21

Answer 2

There's always 2 sides to every story.

You sound like you were a responsible teenager. The very fact that you now don't live with your parents shows a spirit of independence and self-reliance that reveals a lot about your character.

So really part of the reason you preceive that you had such good parents is that it's a reflection of YOU and your attitudes too. It isn't so much luck as, they did a good job raising you right from the beginning and it led to a relationship that included trust, love, and independence. They didn't NEED to yell at you or forbid you because YOU demonstrated responsibility to them, and they knew you would make the right choices ON YOUR OWN.

But yes, you are a rarity these days.

A lot of kids today grow up in disfunctional households. Parents putting careers ahead of kids, having kids to begin with just because society told them to (not because they really wanted kids), divorce situations where the kids quickly learn to manipulate their parents (and thereby destroy the parent-child respect dynamic), negative influences from the commercial pop culture, etc.

That leads to kids who are obnoxious brats and parents who have long ago lost any degree of respect. And that's why they are constantly fighting, or the parents have simply given up and written them off.

It's a shame really. But it's a two-way street. There are plenty of kids who grow up in that same environment but make a conscious effort to NOT give in to it and NOT follow the trends. They move out and become determined to be self-reliant, taking pride in their own accomplishments and realizing it's going to be a lot of hard work.

Respect is always a 2-way street. Give it and you get it back.
And even if you don't GET it from someone, it's still your choice whether to give it back (let it go, just move on, take the high road).

Self reliance and self responsibility are the greatest things any person can develop. Sounds like your parents nutured that in you early on. Make sure you let them know how much you appreciate that. I'm sure it will make them so proud.

Answer 3

That is an age old question that will be asked until the end of time...."Why don't I understand my parents" "My parents just don't understand"....

With that said, parents are in the right to be over protective, they are going to hound you until your out of their house. Why? Because they can and will.

You seem to be very mature and understanding of the way parents think. And you are so true, parents that don't want to listen to and respect their teens, freaking out and yelling, are just immature and controlling.

Parents need to understand that respect goes both ways. They need to respect their kids-teens, then they will get the respect back from their kids-teens.

Good for you for keeping the lines of communication open with your parents. Good for you that you don't lie to them. I am sure that your parents respect you more for that and appreciate you!

Answer 4

Your parents sound great and you are blessed to have them. They do care about what you do and it was probably very hard for them to hear about you wanting to go on the pill and your drug and alcohol use, but they understand that these are things teenagers do. Had they yelled at you and forbid you to do these things they know you would have done them anyway. By not flipping out they ensured that you would always feel comfortable speaking to them no matter how bad a situation you were in.

Answer 5

I think you were fortunate--lucky but more fortunate. You had a stable home life. You need to consider the far less fortunate. Those having finiancial problems--jealousy--lack of education--lack of understanding--misunderstandings--parents not ready to have children--emotional problems (both parents and child)--and the list goes on. Yes, you were quite fortunate. I am glad.

Answer 6

I feel that being knowledge in the direction of the children does certainly preserve a healthful dating amongst either side. My mum and dad are very just like this. Yet, they draw the road. I do not desire to mention they have been strict on me completely, however they definite knew what was once proper and flawed and taught me tons of it. Violet

Answer 7

Not all parents are as calm and reasonable as yours. Not all teens are good at talking to Mom and Dad. Every case is different.

And Yes! you did get lucky - and obviously so did your parents! Be thankful.

Answer 8

I had the exact same type of parents.

I think we did just get lucky.
And we're also mature and take responsibility for our actions.

I don't live with my parents anymore either, but I'm 18.

Answer 9

I think it depends on each person,because some people are more restrict and others aren't as much.
I can say that you are in fact lucky!!

Answer 10

You are lucky - but they're also lucky to have a daughter who would tell them the truth, and take responsibility for her actions.

:)