My husband left me after 31 years of marriage for a younger "wild" women. Help me understand this?

Question

It seems as if this women has him brain washed. He lets her call me on the phone & cuss me off & call me terrible names. He has lost his sons & grandchildren & family over this other women. I don't want him back, but I wonder if he will ever realize what he's doing, and come to his senses. Please tell me what you think.

Answer 1

Oh geez, this happens more often than not. It happened to me also. It took me for a spin. A spin that took a couple of years for me to stop. I made the choice, finally, to put an end to what he was putting me through. I know it is hard not to worry about him, for you've been with him so long (I was with my for 25 years). But you have to let it go completely. Whether he comes to his senses or not is his problem, not yours.

Allowing this woman to call you and cuss you out of your phone is way beyond what you should allow. CHANGE YOUR NUMBER and don't give it to him. I am assuming that your children are adults now, as mine. There is no reason why he should have your number then. He can contact his children when he wants to on his own.

At this point, it is up to you what you will allow. This is your opportunity to do with your life what you've always wanted to do for yourself. Time for a bit of selfishness, I may say. I am sure that you have spent your entire life taking care of your children, your husband, the home, etc, etc. Now it's time to take care of yourself. It took me some time to realize this. I even forgave my husband twice for cheating on me, with the same woman (and later found out that there were others throughout the marriage). I finally put my foot down and am taking charge of MY LIFE!

Girl, exercise, get your hair and nails done, go shopping for nice things, go out and have some fun. It took me some time but I am now having the time of my life. If you need to share, contact me. Good luck... and Happy Birthday....yes, happy birthday... this is the birth of a new life for you. Enjoy!


Please don't listen to those here that say it's all about the kind of sex you weren't providing. You couldn't get any kinkier than me when it came to our sex life! Once you start dating and getting the attention that i'm sure "HE" wasn't giving you, you'll see how desirable and attractive you actually are.

Answer 2

The only time he will come to his senses is when she dumps HIM for a younger man. Unfortunately, mens' brains have been below their belts since the time of the caveman, and the location will never change. Yes, someday he will regret his decisions and maybe even beg you to let him come back but hopefully you will continue to think long and hard before you ever consider that option. If he was a good man before, chances are he is still a good man and might likely resume being a good husband once his "second childhood" has passed, but the trust you once had for him will never come back. Allowing this woman to harrass you shows a degree of guilt already. He wants to make you feel unworthy because that's how he really feels inside. Don't allow this woman to give you any flack - just hang up. You have no reason to defend yourself to her. Been there, done that, and didn't take him back. Good luck and be strong.

Answer 3

My father did the same thing...he basically left my step mother, who took in 3 children that were not hers and he ran the streets to be with this other woman. Fast forward 10+ years he doesn't have contact regularly with any of his children; he doesn't deal with any of his grandchildren; and he's 'stuck' with this woman who was hot and wild 10 years ago and now she's a controlling freak who's running him into the ground financially. Point: I am the eldest of all the children he left behind, I don't have any expectations from him as a father or grandfather to my children..(he will have to live with that when he's old and gray) However, I still see him once every few months for dinner. He's miserable, and he regrets all that he's done. I didn't let him off the hook by telling him that he was wrong, he knows this already. But I did tell him that he's made his bed he has to lie in it...wrinkled sheets and all. The pain will subside as time goes on, but don't dwell on it. If she calls just hang up! Don't engage in any conversation with either of them, (my dad's new wife sent me an 8-page letter telling me that I was crazy..right) Love your children and grandchildren enough for two..they'll appreciate it and you will reap the benefits in the long run...best of luck.

Answer 4

Oh yeah he will eventually come to his senses. How do I know you might ask because I have a cousin by marriage who was in the same situation. They had been married for 25 years and he became involved with a much younger woman. He brought her a vehicle behind his wife back, the wife found out by pulling a credit report and went to the gf's house with the police to get the car,( Louisiana is a communiable property state), later the young girlfriend became pregnant and his wife filed for divorce. Him and the GF now has 2 kids together one he can actually prove is his the other he can not. It didn't take long for this woman to start running around on him. And he misses his wife home cooked meals and the way she knew how to work handle the kids, and manage to keep the house clean. He lost everything behind this woman, wife, kids, and grand kids. Now he has to cook because sex is all this young woman apparently knows what to do, wash his clothes, and keep the kids, one of he's not sure of paternity, why she goes off and party. He is very miserable now. His ex-wife settled down and married, found a new man to appreciate her. He doesn't see it now but trust me one day he will, when the sex wears off. Good luck to you and your family, if he is willing to give up everything for this woman, you all are better off with out him.

Answer 5

I think you just assume he has lost his damn mind and move to protect yourself. Don't be victimized by their nonsense. Keep his insanity out of your life. Right now he is in denial. Stay way clear. If he figures out that this is his life and his choice in how he wants to live it the wild woman will be a goner, but if he takes no responsibility and continues thinking all the problems in his life were caused by you, there is no chance in hell. I wouldn't waste a lot of time letting him hurt you or your family any worse with his mental issues. Accept what is and keep yourself safe from the drama he has created. He may come around, but I have no crystal ball. I think he has some serious work on his hands if he ever wants to find his way back to reality. He may wake up to reality and realize the mess he made. When he does, he will be one pitiful guy. He was unhappy with himself and went looking for a quick fix. Don't ever think this was about you because it wasn't. So sorry.

Answer 6

She does have him temporarily brain washed. I would agree. She is young and frisky. What comes around goes around and if she is young and he is old he is in for a ride. They most likely won't last. He is probably getting satisfaction out of the fact that he is with someone young and hot and you are at home stressing about it. Have you ever heard the song by George Straight "she let herself go"? It goes like this:

He wondered how she'd take it when he said goodbye.
Thought she might do some cryin': lose some sleep at night.
But he had no idea, when he hit the road,
That without him in her life, she'd let herself go.

Let herself go on a singles cruise,
To Vegas once, then to Honolulu.
Let herself go to New York City:
A week at the Spa; came back knocked-out pretty.
When he said he didn't love her no more,
She let herself go.

She poured her heart an' soul into their three-bedroom ranch.
Spent her days raisin' babies, ironin' his pants.
Came home one day from the grocery store and found his note,
And without him there to stop her, she let herself go.

Let herself go on her first blind-date:
Had the time of her life with some friends at the lake.
Let herself go, buy a brand new car,
Drove down to the beach he always said was too far.
Sand sure felt good between her toes:

She let herself go on a singles cruise,
To Vegas once, then to Honolulu.
Let herself go to New York City:
A week at the Spa; came back knocked-out pretty.
When he said he didn't love her no more,
She let herself go.

To Vegas once: Honolulu, New York City.
Came back knocked-out pretty.

I think the best satisfaction you will get is doing something for you and forgetting him. Easier said than done but at this point it has gone too far for either of you to turn around. Mine as well make yourself drop dead georgous and find yourself a sugar daddy or hot stud! why not?

Answer 7

Yeah he will eventually come to his senses, but it will be too late, too much damage will have been done. He will tire of her wild ways and harrassing attitude. He has made his choice and he will have to live with the consequences. Please don't relent and accept him back. Move on with your life, find friends and companions to spend time with. Enjoy your sons and grandchildren. A day will come when he will realize what he gave up for this tramp. Let him have her, he thinks he has it all, but inside he knows he screwed up. Live your life with dignity and grace, don't allow this woman to cuss you out because you have done nothing wrong. Put a stop to the harrassing calls by taking out a restraining order and changing your number. He will take notice if he sees you can live without him. They know they did wrong, so they are trying to pull you down with them. Don't let it happen. Be happy and content with your family and friends. Good luck!

Answer 8

OH YEAH BABY!!!! ABSOLUTELY, he will come to his senses. Once she has drained him from all his money and decides she wants more she is going to be out the door so fast and leave him with nothing, but a broken heart. I hope that when he calls you and trust me HE WILL CALL that you never take him back. Let him have his fun now because he is going to hurt very bad soon. This girl sounds like a con....she knows exactly what she is doing and it is sad that she uses people the way she does....believe once she gets older and she is done playing her games (the men will decide when the game is over) nobody is going to want her and she will end up a very lonely person.

Answer 9

I think he's an idiot.
Record the nasty call from her. File a restraining order and change your number. If they can't contact you then it will take away the joy they get in tormenting you. They are sick! She may be the type of woman who enjoys the challenge of getting a new man, wouldn't surprise me if she dumps him once the newness of it wears off and she's off looking for a new prey.

At least you have your sons and grandchildren, etc. You have the best part of the relationship and he has a wacko! This may be a midlife crisis, whatever it is you don't deserve it, so distant yourself everyway you possibly can.

Answer 10

Mary, Mary, Mary,

How can I tell you what to think? He has jerked you over and now you probably feel like crap.

Don't wonder if he ever comes to his senses, because he is not your concern anymore. 31 yrs is a lifetime to spend with someone and then one day they are not the person that we fooled ourselves into believing they where.

If he comes to his senses will you take him back? I think you have to be brutally honest with yourself about this one. In the cold still of the night you have to live with you and sometimes it is hard to admit you still love this man.

Now, as for this crazy witch with a "B", I would have my number changed, it is not a hard thing to do and all of that "the family can't reach me" is just a lot of "Hooey".
Do everything in your power to ensure that this woman and your husband realize that they are not getting to you. Contact the police and tell them that you are getting annoyance calls and what should you do.
Don't elaborate with the wild woman thing, just state that you have been getting calls and the person sounds familiar but you don't know who it is and it is really frightening at times.
Then let them do their job.
Don't talk to your husband or that crazy woman.
Peace