Should I leave my husband?

Question

For several months now, I've been telling him how I feel (ignored, used, unwanted). He says he'll change then he doesn't. I already left him once, maybe I should leave for good. I feel like everyone's feelings matter but my own, he pays more attention to his family and friends. He leaves me at home with the baby all day while he works, or hangs out with his friends. He even leaves in the middle of the night without telling me where he's going( he did this last night after he promised he wouldn't). I don't know, I'm just do sick of this.

Will fido I did work, b-4 I had the baby and I'm looking for a job now, so where do your comments come from.

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Hi, this isn't Cookie it is her friend Nikki, and I'm about to pick best answer. I was just wondering what everyone else thought about my situation.

Answer 1

I don't think so.. the first thing you have to consider before leaving your husband is your children's welfare.maybe you and your husband doesn't have an open communication,coz I don't think he understood what you really meant with what you told him about your feelings. before making such a big decision, there are a lot of things to consider so what you have to do is...
1. Pray and offer your sufferings to the Lord then ask for guidance and of an open and clear mind. once you've done this;
2. talk to your husband intimately, heart to heart. ask about his plans for himself, for you, for your kids and for the whole family.
3. it would really be a lot of help if you would talk to a marriage counselor, a priest or somebody whom he respects so much, that he would listen to whatever this person is telling him.
4. reflect and analyze yourself. maybe, you're not only the one who feels it. but, maybe, that's what he feels towards you too that's why he looks for attention from other people.
5. you two, as married couple should meet halfway and should both be making steps or plans in making your marriage work.

Answer 2

Wow, in many ways your husband sounds like my ex-boyfriend. It always seemed like his family, friends, and work were more important than me....and they were! I was always the last thing on his mind. I told him once how I felt and asked him what he wanted to do about it. He told me it was best we broke up for awhile to see things through. We got back together after a month because he called me, but unfortunately after a few months I noticed that he didn't change. Actually, the situation just got worse. Well, I got so pissed off that I ended it. I'm sure he still thinks he didn't do anything wrong. Whatever! Moral of the story? People don't change. I'm sorry the two of you have a child together, but you are suffering way too much and you already gave your husband a chance. If he didn't get the clue the last time, he won't get it this time either. I wish you and your child the best of luck.

Answer 3

This is not the place to make a decision this serious. What you describe is definitely serious enough to leave a person like that. You deserve better and so does the baby. Most of us would like to tell you that you should not have to live with a person that treats you this way. However, do you have a place to go to? Will your Parents take you in with your baby? Will you be able to provide for yourself and the child? I would say first try some counseling to see if he is willing to take on his responsibilities as the father or this baby, if not you need his financial support and provision for yourself and the child. Do not be surprised,some man never change, and there is not much we can do about it. I wish you the best,

Answer 4

I'd say it's time to start planning to leave. Find a job and childcare. Once you have the job and you're comfortable with your childcare arrangements then you should start looking for a new place to live. You can try counseling, but it doesn't sound like he's all that interested in preserving the marriage. Once you're ready to move out? File for divorce, ask for joint custody (unless you think he won't take care of the baby) and reasonable child support. You can't make someone be a good husband and father. I'd also suggest you get some counseling to help you cope with this transition.

Answer 5

You already know what you should do. Leaving in the middle of the night means one thing and deep down you know it. You just don't want to admit it to yourself. I have been there. If you stand by and take this, it will never change. He thinks he has you where he wants you. Some men want the little wife at home and live a separate live of their own. You can't live like this. It will affect your child also. Be strong and leave now while you are young. You deserve to find someone who will love and cherish you.

Answer 6

Maybe you should give him an incentive to stay, when he comes home have on something sexy, so he want leave. sometimes its hard to keep a mans attention, new baby and wife who is tired and less attractive due to the wear and tear on her body, plus I know if you are home you arent really fixing yourself up. You should dress up and get out of the house with the baby, go visit someone and stay the night, parents or sibling, dont be home by yourself waiting on him to leave or stay all the time, he does what he does because he knows you will be right there when he gets back, making him realize that you have other places you can go and other people to be around. Sad to say, my husband was that way after I had my baby and when I started doing things without him and wasnt home everytime he came home, he began to realize that I had a life outside of him and I could be just fine without him. It sucks that we sometimes have to play games to get what we want but it does work and your happiness is just as important as his. good luck

Answer 7

Are you sure he isn't seeing someone else, leaving in the middle of the night? Sounds like he could be. No one can say for sure if you should leave thats a choice you have to make. Doesn't sound like he is going to change. My ex did the same thing, the day he walked out the door it felt like the weight of the world had been taken off my shoulders. Sure I was scared and unsure but I met a guy (now my husband) and he treated like a woman deserves to be treated. Good luck to you.

Answer 8

If there is one thing I have learned in this life is that no one ever changes. That's why it is so important to really get to know someone before you marry them. You can spend a lot of time with a person and never get to know them if you don't have great communications. Because you have a child together, I would recommend a good marriage counselor. Your husband will never change but you can find a way to deal with things through counseling. After you have had counseling, if things are still bad, then leave him.

Answer 9

You mentioned having a baby at home with you...... so.... sadly... what you are seeing is how your husband is going to be. This is not a "man" as I would define one..... this is a boy who doesn't want the responisibility that is in front of him with a wife and child. Rather, he wants to party like a rock star, go out with his buddies... and if he has to, he'll sneak out while you are sleeping.

I am not an advocate for divorce..... epecially when kids are involved. But you need to protect yourself. Your husband.,... if he hasn't already... is going to take his sneaking out to the next level. And in this day and age of STD's.... he's going to bring YOU back something at some point. I would strongly suggest that you get an STD test done now...... and insist that as long as he is sneaking around, you are going to require a condom be worn when he's with you.

Unless............you do leave him..........

Answer 10

He is acting like a single teen instead of a husband and father who makes his family his priority. It is his choice, but it is also your choice to decide if you will stick around for it. You can get yourself a babysitter you trust, and start taking care of you. You don't have to wait around being sad while he is out acting like a selfish jerk. Get very specific in telling him what you need from him, such as, "We have a date Friday at 8 PM.", etc. But have a back-up plan and a sitter and if he isn't there or is late, then go do something you enjoy and get out of the house. Don't be a victim.

Him leaving in the middle of the night sounds very, very worrisome. If you have the ability, it would be better for you two to separate while he figures out what his priorities are and you figure out what you want in your life and are willing to tolerate. Your baby doesn't need to grow up in this kind of stress and you don't need to put up with being the person your husband comes to when there is nothing better to do. Get your own life in order. Take charge and stop waiting for him to do the right thing. YOU do the right thing and get your needs met. Your baby needs a happy mom and you deserve way better than this crap.

Don't get pregnant, whatever you do. See if someone will watch the baby while you go do something just for you that makes you happy like take a class, get out alone, get your hair done, go to the gym, etc.

Hubby will say whatever it takes to get you off his back and keep things the way they are. Don't believe anything unless you see him stepping up. Usually separations take awhile to see if he has really gotten his head on or not, so don't expect him to come around and don't expect him to really hear you. He does this because he CAN and he has his priorities all screwed up.

Pack his crap, change the locks and tell him to come back when he grows up and wants a family because you won't live with a man who needs a mommy or who puts his family last on his list of priorities. It is unacceptable.

Take care of you and your baby and don't waste one more second reacting to his crap. Get your life together and live it right. If hubby wants to join the team, then I suggest he act like it. In the meantime, this is your life. Live it regardless of what he is or is not doing. ACT--Don't REACT.

I wish you the best. You are right. He is way out of control.