I seem to attract negative people.?

Question

I mean my friends and in past relationships.

I'm 17 now and I've moved around a bit. I've had many different friends. Most of these people weren't good people. All my friends from primary school are into drugs. Some of them are in prison.

When I started my first high school I was friends with girls who were well behaved and took school seriously and were mature. Then when they turned 16 they got into drugs, alcohol, smoking and shop lifting.

I also seem to attract boys who hurt me too. I've been treated so badly by males and it never seems to stop.

I have lost nearly all of my friends. Well we still talk and stuff but we're no where near as close anymore.

I hate drinking and smoking and it seems like I've lost all my friends to this.

I hate that I'm losing everyone close to me. I don't trust people very easily, and I'm scared to make new friends because I'm moving soon.

I feel like I have to compromise my morals to have friends. Why is this happening?

Yeah I blame this sh*tty town too. Apparently there is nothing else to do except get blazed every weekend. I find it rather pathetic.

I have a boyfriend now (of 2 and a half years) he's also my best friend. He's the only person I trust now.

Answer 1

ok gurl for a start you can trust me and *** gurl you stick bye your guns, you dont have to go down the road your old friends did theres heaps of people out there that think like you so just give them a wave goodbye you better than that

Answer 2

That is a tough one. Honestly, I'd have to watch you in a crowded party, see if I could figure out who in the room you gravitate too, and who gets drawn to you.

Now PLEASE don't take anything I say here as a criticism. You know how highly I think of you. Promise?

OK, the first reason people attract negative people is that they have low self esteem down deep. They think they deserve loser friends, so they subconsciously filter who they acknowledge in their surroundings until only losers are left. That could be part of it. I think you're an amazing person; I'm not sure you see that about yourself.

Also, from talking to you, I know you have a good heart. Part of you may be drawn to losers, thinking you should be kind to them, help them out. Instead they abuse the friendship and try to drag you down to their level. Sound familiar at all?

As to the boys who've treated you badly in the past. First of all, there are some predatory types out there and they seek out whom they perceive to be the weaker parts of the herd, the ones they think they can manipulate easily or that they think they can use and get away with it. I'm NOT saying you are weak. I'm saying that something about you gives them that impression.

I know I keep hammering the same 2 self help books here, but they REALLY do work. Two classic self help books for you to read. HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE by Dale Carnagie. Talking to people is a skill you can learn, this book will help you know all the rules and tricks to it. THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING by Norman Vincent Peale. It's a classic on how to stop worrying about things and start really living. Any library will have copies of both.

When you move to a real town, they'll hep you change yourself and develop the skills to get to know better people who deserve to know you.

Answer 3

Welcome to the world. So don't look at the situation as "I seem to attract negative people." None of the situations you mentioned are your fault, or because of some personality flaw on your part. Quite the opposite, really. You sound like a kind, decent person. Society consists largely of mean, negative, and immature people. As a good person, your task will be to prevail over all of this nonsense. There are several ways to do this. To name a few: surround yourself with a small group of friends (not a large group of acquaintances) who share your views on life; develop a satisfying, viable career path (a great way to achieve independence); and believe it or not, workout - you would be amazed how physical exercise maintains the body and mind. Like I said, these are just a few suggestions. I also recommend therapy - not because I think you're crazy! - but because, as I also said, you sound like a kind, decent person; therefore, you will need assistance in dealing with this oftentimes harsh world. Take care.

Answer 4

Hi Wabby, You have a very caring Boyfriend and mate. Wait until you move to where he is and start your life over and you will make a lot of new friends who isn't into drugs,smoking or drinking. A nice place to go is to a guy and gal pool hall,just shoot pool and meet alot of friends and there's no smoking in a pool hall or bar anymore. Have fun with your mate and go out together have fun and meet new people. You are a very sweet person and you will be find. Just hang in there a little bet longer.If you can't shoot pool stick with it and you will do fine in time. That's what I did and I have meant alot of new friend.
A Friend,
poppy1

Answer 5

Dear Sarah,

By mid adolescence, most of us reach, what is probably the most significant fork in our life. We can follow the path, i.e., the high road, to becoming healthy, well adjusted, well educated, responsible adults. It is the path you have taken. Apparently, many of your friends have taken the low road, a path of indulgence, adult vices, and irresponsibility. Therefore, as time passes, those friends will continue to become more distant.

Please, don't let them drag you down. You may encourage them to follow you. However, if you wait for them, you may, loose your way. Stay on course, you are the one that is most important. Soon, you will be a university student. You will be in an environment, where you find you have much in common with your schoolmates.

Larry

Answer 6

This is happening because you have set a high moral standard for yourself and won't budge from it (good on you!)
A lot of people tend to try to bring others down to their level rather than the other way around. It can be caused by laziness or fear. Your ex-friends sound like they would rather follow the crowd than stand on their own two feet.
As long as you are not willing to drop your standards, you will come out on top in the long run. You will find firm and lasting relationships with people who will aspire to be like you.
Just hang in there. As far as guys are concerned, if he really loves you he will automatically try to improve himself for you. Encourage that but don't try to force it. Accept that other people have their own little idiosyncracies and enjoy the differences in them.

Answer 7

Okay I noticed you used the word 'hate' several times throughout your question. Perhaps you are turning your attention to the negative side of life more than the positive.

The bottom line is, if you are putting out negative vibes, you will attract negative people to you.

You need to reassess how you look at life, start searching for all the positive things, and focus on them. Hopefully then you will start attracting more positive influences in your life, and their influence will rub off onto you.

All the best xx

Answer 8

I have ot agree with Dune, people come and go! i feel for youa nd my daughter is sort of in the same boat, here in the USA.
Just remeber that you wont be in school forever and soon you will break free of those that effect you so. its all the peer pressure and in the long run if you keep yourself on the straight and narrow without comprimising your morals to join the dregs of society, it will all work out, and if i were you start looking around for groups to join that may have the things you like to do.
good luck!

Answer 9

I've had hundreds of negative people around me throughout my life. I let this happen for a long time. Sometimes I felt sorry for them, other times I just tolerated them.

Now I'm surrounded by positive people. The reasons:

. I don't tolerate prolonged negativity in my space (I attack the negativity, not the person)
. I try to help them see past their negative thoughts by always being optimistic and positive with them
. I've actively seek out positive people
. I've backed my own judgement in life and in business and I'm successful in both now. I love myself and I trust myself.

This doesn't mean you have to hate negative people, but if they won't come along with you and be positive, then they're not friends and they can't have any central place in your life.

Try to love them, try to support them but be prepared to walk away gently. But of course do always remember, every one of has some faults. You need to decide for each person, do the positives really outweigh the negatives.

Answer 10

These are just the cards you have been dealt so far. There are so many other people who grew up in very similar situations. It's good that you are moving soon, maybe things will change for the better once you're out of that environment.