Why is it that nearly all (~98%) wives don't consider sex as a major portion of marriage?

Question

Is it really just not that important to you? Like it is something to be crossed off a list? Do you anticipate it? Do you think that just because you're married, you don't have to put the effort into it anymore?, now that you bagged your man?
Case in point: I know two husbands who have very pretty wives, and think their lives are all hunky-dory. What they don't know is that they are being cheated on when their guys are out of town for work during the week. One paid for some nasty hookers in Raleigh, and the other brought a 300-pound gal back to the hotel room on a different job trip. As it stands, this is a fairly regular occurrence, and shocks the hell out of me, because I find their wives attractive.

They both claim they don't get any from their wives and are tired of the non-attention.

So wives, my question to you is, why does sex become an afterthought to you. Why is pleasing your man not as high on your list as watching Survivor?

Actually, one couple doesn't have kids, and the wife in the other couple, who is friends with my sister-in-law, really thinks her life/hubby is great. Do I ruin her world and tell her?

Just so you know, when the four hours is up, "some female" is getting the best answer.

Are you sure you're not a guy? You've eloquently put together everything I've ever thought.

Answer 1

Sex is fun, but it has no real meaning or importance. Now that being said, I need to get mine at the very least 3 or 4 times a week. I truly enjoy sex, but as I'm sure you know many women do not.

Many women are taught that sex is supposed to be this amazing emotional experience. It's not, it's a great physical one when you're able to orgasm, but emotional? Oh please, there are many more meaningful things in this life than sex. Women are taught from a young age that boys have sex because it feels good while girls have sex because they're in love. This type of crap teaches women in order to be a proper lady one must turn off her physical sensations and experience on emotion and sex being more of a physical than emotional act falls down the list of priorities. This is also the cause of the so called sexual peak that women experience in their 30s. It's not until a typical woman reaches 30 does she have enough confidence and life experience to question social norms about sex. There have been studies that show that the majority of women don't even conciously recognize when they're physically aroused. There have been other studies that show that most women don't experience orgasms through sex. If her husband is more worried about 'setting the mood' emotionally/romantically, than pleasing his wife physically and she doesn't know how to get turned on or stay turned on (because someone may have taught her it's not normal for young women to masturbate), then sex isn't going to be an enjoyable experience after the first few years of marriage when the honeymoon stage wears off and she's left wondering, "Is this all sex is??"

There are some deep rooted flaws in our society and the ways in which women are taught to view themselves, their bodies and sex that lead to this common problem.

EDIT: Haha! Yes, I'm sure I'm not a male. I'm just an enlightened woman and a feminist.

Answer 2

There is a lot of sex in the beginning of a relationship because we go through that lovey-dovey stage. The man is sweet, romantic etc and the woman has no hesitation about getting into bed with her beloved. Like all new things, the novelty wears off after a while.

Then comes marriage, running a home, a full time job, kids, mortgage, sometimes one is just so tired that sex can become more of a chore.

The romance takes a back seat, so does the quality time the couple spend together. As a result, the sex slows down too. The reality is, both people have to put in the effort. Women don't have an 'on' 'off' switch, and we don't purposefully withdraw sex from the relationship. For most of us, it's a very emotional thing, and if we feel unloved, uncared for, overlooked, or treating us badly, we won't want to have sex. It's as simple as that really.

So that is why it is often an afterthought, life is too busy, and the couple has little time together anymore.

Answer 3

These two guys you are speaking of are simply trying to justify their cheating. I have some couple friends that the husbands have beautiful wives and I might inject here, the wives are extremely attentive to their wants & needs. The men cheat anyway and almost always with women that would not be considered "upgrades".

With that said, and to address your question, women do consider sex to be an important part of the marriage, but not the "major portion of marriage." Speaking from my own experience, I have all the responsibility of the house, the kids, the finances... my husband thinks he does his part by working full time and in summer months, doing the yardwork.

I work full time also and I still have it all to do. The most interested I am in sex is when my husband skips the fishing trip or the golf or the bowling or the weekend sportsfest and helps out with household chores, cooking, shopping, etc. unprompted. I'm practically giddy when I realize he has unloaded the dishwasher.

It's a shame you want to make such rash generalizations about such a large number of women. I, for one, don't watch Survivor, but even if I did, if I got the attention to my needs the way so many of you men want attention to yours, we would all get along a lot better and I would be more than happy to forego a TV show in exchange for a little action in the bedroom.

Answer 4

I don't know where you got the 98% from but I think that's wrong.

And sex is very important to me. Its an impotant part of marriage and should be enjoyed as often as possible.

I disagree with "Some Female" that sex has no meaning; there is always meaning in it. Finding some very attractive and you have sex gives it meaning because you are getting what you want. And also it is important because without it life in marriage can really suck. Sex (the lack of, or cheating) is the number 1 reason for divorce.
And you must be emotionally DEAD if sex has never been emotional for you or you just have never really loved someone before. You have the someone that was made for you then there are times that is VERY emotional for both (that's when it's called "making love"). And I don't know where you grew up but none of the girls I grew up though sex was for love.

My question is why do men always think that they are great in bed? Maybe the wives don't want to have sex all the time because their husbands suck in bed?

Answer 5

Guess I fall in the 2%. Yes sex is a big part of our marriage, even after 10 years, I still like the quickie before we have to go to work, meeting him for lunch quicke and those long weekends being together. I would say some woman are tired after taking care of the house and kids. They are more focused on what they have to do or get done that they don't think about sex. Yes I'm tired I work long hours, have a house and a teenager to take care of but when I get in bed at night with my husband, sex seems to take all the stress away. Maybe I have the right partner and the fact I enjoy making love to him anytime he wants.

Answer 6

You're making some serious (and incorrect) assumptions here. No one can know FOR SURE what goes on in other peoples' marriages. Sometimes it's a perception thing. Those of us who are honest in our marriages consider sex the "frosting on the cake" that makes the marriage special. A husband needs to take the time to be sure he satisfies his wife, the same as the wife takes time to make sure the husband is satisfied. It's fun to experiment and find out what you really like. This is something that loving couples do.

Realize, however, that there are people who have entered marriage simply for the routine availability of sex, which is no basis for a real marriage. Only persons who are selfish would put their own sexual satisfaction first. Some people never grow up.

Sex is NEVER an afterthought. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

Answer 7

Seriously 98% WOW , I did not know the stat's were that high and where did you get your information on these stat's ? was it just a number you pulled out of the air?

From a woman's perspective , my 2nd husband gave me sex if I was lucky once a week the rest was once every 2 week's or once every 3 week's he claimed the longer he made me wait the better it would be for me , he said my desire and hunger for it would be more and well worth it. I didnt see HIS point of view why should I go without ? I'm not ugly , I am attractive and I have a very high sex drive if I could get away with it I'd have it every night.

So Mr Know it All about stats , what's your stat's on that? and I have never cheated on him because he didnt put out either your mate's are just sad sorry little men who have everything and still arent happy , its an excuse , not to mention the fact most men find if they brag about how much their wive's actually do put out for them they'll be closed out from their friend's due to jealousy , theres more stats for you to investigate.

Dont catogorize ALL women to suit your own personal opinions , its rude and degrading and shows that your not really as smart as you should or could be , have a nice day.

Answer 8

Please do not generalize the wives. For me, as a wife to my husband, sex is one component and it must be important obligation to a spouse. It is a life time commitment. This thing must be shared mutually by the spouses and to give it reciprocally at its ultimate understanding.

As I had obsereved from my group of friends who were married wives, many of their complained against their husbands are selfish that they can not able to fulfill their basic obligation to their wives thus some wives look for another way outside their bedrooms to satisfy their own biological needs their husbands can not give. Another reason, many husbands lack understanding and many of them cheating their wives, many husbands were hardly faithful to their wives a hundred times while they were away from their homes thewy keep on touch with their female friends and flings and denied their own wives of the urges they have to because these husbands were already exhausted when coming home from works or some kinds of alibi outside the workplaces where they had met their flings.

Answer 9

ROFL. Where did you pull that statistic from????
Ok a quick rundown for you.
For women sex starts in the mind. It is about feeling sexy and confident about themselves!
Feeling loved and supported are also important aspects and is the door to the female mind.
Women I have spoken to who no longer feel passionate about their partners with in a marriage (sexually passionate) all say the same thing when all the excuses are boiled down.
They feel unappreciated as a woman, their partner no longer courts them!
When he wants to 'make love' she feesl it is for his own sexual gratification and not for whom she is and he could be doing it with anyone, as it is about getting his satisfaction and not about being with the woman he loves.
They feel their is no romance or prequil to sex.
There is also the problem, and I have heard this from my friends (it is not something I practice because I do not see it as solving a problem but rather adding to it) that when a woman is upset with her husband she will with hold sex as a punishment, even if she wants it!!!
This is a nasty circle because she has cut off her intimacy from him and when you think or behave in your relationship in this manner it takes a great deal of work to get things back on track. Sad really.
But I have to say 98% are you sure of those stats.
And as for your friends, they are expending a great deal of time and money cheating on their wives!!! Is that a mature way to fix a problem? A cheat is a cheat.whatever the excuse.

Answer 10

Some woman have had bad experiences with sex ... or some feel threatned by it bcause of the media negativly showing womann as sex symbols and .. that makes us woman uneasy ... i enjoy sex w my boyfrind...but only when i am in the mood ... mayb it could be a reminder of some bad relationship ... u never know with woman... and thats the way it should b ... since i bw\elieve woman today are demanding to be respecgted ... it it was a more open- mindede society and all the bad guys didnt exist.... alot more woman would be having xsex... already this week on my way ho,me ... i have had 2 creepy run-in s with a a man slowing down his vehicle in the city i live in... on my way home ....looking for trouble... i scared him more than he scared me... (i am a tough cookie!!!)
Woman like to b respected... not used as a joy-ride!Good luck!!!!