My wife came into my home office tonight, with messed up hair, wearing no makeup, wearing a baggy t-shirt and asked "Do you want to DO me?" and then walked off to the bedroom and curled up under the covers.
I am a very romantic, as well as visually oriented guy, and I can't get turned on when my wife approaches me this way... it results in a lot of bad feelings between us.
My dream come true would be if she wore a little makeup, maybe combed her hair and and wore ANYTHING other than a baggy t-shirt when she is in the mood and approaches me. I talked to her about this, and she got very upset and went to sleep on the couch. By the way, she always looks very good when she goes out to see other people.
What should I do to get her to understand what would help, so I can fulfill her needs and be a loving husband who wants to (and is able to) make love to his wife? She is interpreting my reactions right now as saying I don't love her :(
2007-10-20 19:36:29 · 22 answers · asked by steve 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, I told her I would try to also try my best to love and respect her, so it will be a 2 way thing. I will try to be caring about her feelings.
Tonight she surprised me by wearing some expensive lingerie I bought a couple months back that she had only worn once before, as well as makeup and did her hair. She looked pretty stunning! We had the best sex of our lives! I think this will become a new habit :)
2007-10-21 16:12:38 · update #1
By new habit, I mean having sex more often and doing things to enhance the sex life ;)
2007-10-21 16:13:36 · update #2
I have the opposite problem. My partner finds me attractive no matter whether I have make up on or not. It doesnt matter to him that my hair is all messed up...he is just turned on no matter. I always worry that I dont look my best, but to him I always look my best. I guess I can understand how your wife would be feeling. You seem to be turned on by the outward appearance so I am just wondering what the two of you have in common. I agree that the biggest sexual organ is the brain, but if all you have with your wife is you wanting her to look good on the outside, then I trully have to question whether you really love her or not.
2007-10-20 20:02:08 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sorry dude, she's just being a wife. What I've found is that wives (once they are a wife) think of sex as something to get crossed off their list for the week.
They don't anticipate it.
They rarely relish in it.
They don't count it as a major portion of a relationship.
I believe they see it as something that is expected once you are married, though in most cases, they were the most fun you ever had under the sheets before you were married. In fact, that is probably honestly what led you to consider her as a wife.
Case in point: We had a night where the kids were invited over to the cousins for a sleepover, which means we had a completely free night and following morning. Yet throughout the evening, with dinner, taking her shopping, and watching a movie, she never once commented on the fact that we were going to have an uninterrupted night/morning, and got pissed when I alluded to it while she was checking out some new bras/panties while shopping. After everything was done for the evening, she says, well, should we go have sex?
"Get out your f*cking list and cross it off. Hell no I don't want to go have sex"
It's obviously not important to her. I might throw in one thing, since you mentioned the home office, do you ignore her? I hear women like to be told they're wanted/needed (except mine). If you shower her with it, then I think it's just another item on the list.
What to do about it? As painful as it's going to be, keep telling her you just don't feel turned on, and want to prevent your sex life from turning into "going to the office". It will either get better in the way you need, or it will get better in that you will probably not end up together in the long run.
And what is it about a wife getting all hottie-ed up to go out, and never does it for her husband? I don't know dude, I've been in the same boat. I still don't know that it's any better.
Good Luck.
2007-10-21 03:57:30 · answer #2 · answered by lovinglifeina69 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Communication. That is what you need. Sit down with your wife tomorrow and tell her. My wife was like that for the longest time. She thought the granny gown was just a good as the teddy for a pre-sex turn-on.
And Yes, as a guy I am sure you wanted to "DO" her but that that approach would probable not work very well in the reverse. Depending on the length of your marriage, a little more stimuli may also need to be applied. As for me, I not only long for the physical attraction of my wife but the mental attraction. Instead of looking the was she did and acting the way she acted maybe she should have dressed in a little bra/panty setup, given you a kiss (pushing her chest together to give you a good look at her cleavage as she bent over) and just walked away. Nothing beat a good mind f*ck before getting some. Maybe, just maybe, then you would be in bed right night and not on the computer.
2007-10-21 02:49:26 · answer #3 · answered by ChaRiaLer 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
And what were YOU wearing at the time? Your most stylish suit and an elegant tie? A gold lame G-string with matching gold mesh tank? Was your hair freshly styled? Were you freshly shaved, with a light ManTan skin conditioner to give you that healthy glow?
As long as your attitude is "I'm fine just the natural way God made me, but you need a lot of artificial enhancements" then she is going to be resentful -- and rightly so.
If she signals that she is feeling romantic, you two should prepare together. For one thing, it is much better hygeine for both partners to take a shower before sex. Soaping each other up can really be fun. Then help each other out with cologne, something lacy for her, something skin tight for you. Make the mutual grooming part of the foreplay.
2007-10-21 02:51:41 · answer #4 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just be a man about it and tell her straight up. She is your wife and part of being in a marriage is being able to communicate effectively. Well maybe if she's the more subtle type you may want to be a bit less direct.
I always find if its something like that, the best approach is to just be nonchalant about it. Like out of no where, just blurt it out. You really just have to play by ear. See which way your wife will take it best. Women can be very sensitive, so you don't want to be too critical because they are very self conscious as well.
2007-10-21 02:58:39 · answer #5 · answered by kimber45acp 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Buy her some lingeree.
If she approaches you in a gross t-shirt, and says 'lets do it', say 'Sure, why don't you go slip into something sexy and i;ll be right up' or something.
Tell her that you know she can and usually does look way better than this, and it's disrespecting herself to dress like a slob if she wants your attention. You can also draw attention to the fact that she looks nice when she goes to see other people, but she doesn't make an effort to look nice for you.
I don't know what her problem is, I'd never DREAM of letting my lover even SEE me in a baggy t-shirt, that's just stupid.
2007-10-21 02:58:26 · answer #6 · answered by myleslr 5 · 2⤊ 3⤋
You just tell her it makes it much more plesurable for you ,when she looks the way she does when she goes out.Take her out for dinner,when you get back,ask her not to take anything off of her.Then make a passionate long lasting love to her.And explain her why.
2007-10-21 03:38:31 · answer #7 · answered by avavu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but I'm LMAO at this moment...."do you want to DO me?"...that's some funny stuff...
all guys are visual. why do you need to have her look sexy in order to have sex with her? if she is clean, and not climbing out of the garbage can, then who cares?
if you NEED her to dress up for you, then take her out. spend some time OUTSIDE of your office for once. how does she feel about herself? is she comfortable with her body? how is HER mood? all this sounds like is whining.
i know that when i am not feeling the best about myself, no matter WHAT my husband says, i don't want to dress up. of course, he loves me no matter what, and would never turn me down.
if your desire for sex depends ONLY on visual stuff, then i feel sorry for your wife.
2007-10-21 03:10:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Open your wallet, buy her sexy lingerie, expensive makeup, outfit, and a luxurious spa gift certificate. Then wrap it all up in a very beautiful box and present it to her tonight!
2007-10-21 02:52:00 · answer #9 · answered by OC 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Just try something new or buy her a sexy nightie. Anything to get you in the mood and not to hurt her feelings.
2007-10-21 02:40:10 · answer #10 · answered by ce_ce_037 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋