Do you like this poem?

Question

I was leaning, touching the open window frame,
Staring at the raindrop, not the rain.
Nature looked beautiful then, but I did not care,
I stood tranquil, the drop had light reflecting on it
It was glistening, and I fell in love;
My heart spoke, “Put it in a locket, preserve it”.

It was a moment, but seemed a lifetime
I wanted to cherish, but knew, did not have the time.
The drop of water was about to fall,
And I knew I will seize it, soon, very soon.

It fell swiftly, and my soul waited patiently,
Then a ray dazzled me and I stood there, mesmerized
I missed the drop indeed
But was impressed with my exquisite bad luck.

Answer 1

Interesting, work on it.

I think you want to create a perspective -- people don't want to know about you, so much, rather they want to feel & think about your experiences, conveyed in the poem.

Practice not using 'I' so much. Paint a picture with your words.

Answer 2

great start - ok now describe the rain drop in more detail - like you are taking a picture - what does the rain drop symbolize - what mental images can you convey to your reader what does the rain drop do? imagine you are taking a picture with a camera of the rain drop and then instead of the rain drop use words - how would you capture the moment?

Answer 3

This piece has potential but needs some work on it.

Look at it in a third party and recite to a mirror. Hear that which you are saying.

If you want more help, feel free to email me.
Sam

Answer 4

I love this poem. It's needs some work, but it's so unique and unforgettable. Good job.

Answer 5

Distil all that down to two stanzas and you'll have something.
Your last two lost me and don't jibe with the rest.

Answer 6

It's a good poem.

Answer 7

I love it!

Answer 8

i liked it